I finally did it

[kiki04]

I had to the nerve to go say congrats to my neighbour who had her baby on the same day I lost Hadlee. She is such a doll A perfect petite tiny little princess who is as gorgeous as ever She shares a bday with my angel and it was a big step for me to be able to go see her. I apologized as to why it has taken me so long, but she had heard and understood and gave me a hug She gives me hope though as she had a loss at 3 months just last year and now has a perfect little baby girl safe at home with her

Just another step in the right direction for me.

 

[lauandbump]

You are very brave hun to go and see a newborn. You really should be proud of yourself. Massive hugs to you xxx

 

[SatansSprite]

Yeah, that's a huge step and you should feel proud for making it. I'm not sure I'd have the strength yet to make a move like that, it was hard enough on Saturday when we had a big retirement/birthday party for the OH's dad, and some of the people there had been told we were expecting, but only a few had been told of our loss, so we had a few of them come up and actually try to wish us a congratulations, only for me and the OH to have to then tell of our loss.

 

[kiki04]

Yeah I still have people asking how baby is... how Im feeling (in regards to being pg) and I have to explain to them... actually it happened just this morning at work I thought everyone here knew. But I am trying my bestest to focus on being positive for the future that one day I will be holding another sweet child of mine in my arms and not just in my heart

 

[kiki04]

Yeah, that's a huge step and you should feel proud for making it. I'm not sure I'd have the strength yet to make a move like that, it was hard enough on Saturday when we had a big retirement/birthday party for the OH's dad, and some of the people there had been told we were expecting, but only a few had been told of our loss, so we had a few of them come up and actually try to wish us a congratulations, only for me and the OH to have to then tell of our loss.

Just wanted to give you cuz I know how hard that is

 

[daopdesign]

Hi kiki04 I really do admire you and it's ladies like yourself that have shown me the strength to go on and be strong after my loss We'll all get through this 2getha

 

[SatansSprite]

Nothing like having people you can turn to and talk with. I had bad depression after having my son I think because I didn't have that option, at least now I've got you lovely ladies on here, and I think it's been a huge help so far.

At first I thought I was going to torture myself being on here all the time still even after my loss, but instead it's been a little haven of sorts for my sanity. So thanks ladies!

 

[daopdesign]

Nothing like having people you can turn to and talk with. I had bad depression after having my son I think because I didn't have that option, at least now I've got you lovely ladies on here, and I think it's been a huge help so far.

At first I thought I was going to torture myself being on here all the time still even after my loss, but instead it's been a little haven of sorts for my sanity. So thanks ladies!

+ 1 ya know sometimes it's kinda hard to talk to family members, even your OH so it's nice to have other ladies on here that can actually understand. NO ONE can EVER understand what we've been through unless they have been there themselves

 

[kelzyboo]

thats so very brave, i know i couldn't do it x

 

[SatansSprite]

Exactly. They can sympathize and feel sorry for us, but they can't really understand just what we're feeling.

Even though my OH felt grief and mourning for a little bit, he doesn't get how hard it was for me. Not through a fault of his, but he wasn't able to be there when the most, dramatic, parts of it were going on. I told him the course of events, but in actuality he couldn't be there because he had to watch our son. He was able to drive me to the hospital but had to go home and put our son to bed, because no one else was available to do it.

So he can feel FOR me, but he didnt experience the terror of almost needing a transfusion, didn't experience the pain of the contractions, didn't feel the explosion of the fluid come out of him, didn't experience having to push out the baby...and the whole time just knowing what it meant for the baby. And he doesn't have to experience the physical effects of the sudden drop in hormones, and the body reacting as if the baby should be here and every moment realizing that, its not.

 

[kelzyboo]

SatansSprite i'm so sorry for your loss and that you were alone through it x
I had my mum with me but as i had a crash section it was like being alone, i don't know if i'm glad i was asleep through it or not. I guess its different as i had my son for 7 days afterwards, but i still haven't come to terms with the trauma of his birth never mind anything else.
His dad and i are not together and he's moved on with his life already, like Evan never existed, maybe he's dealing with it differently but it hurts to know no-one else will ever feel the way i do.
Only the ladies on here know how i feel, its a comfort to be here most of the time xx

 

[SatansSprite]

My son was an emergency cesarean and so I've been down that road too. Thankfully he was healthy and is now a very energetic and rambunctious 3, almost 4, year old.

Like I said in my last post, I don't blame my OH, he just couldn't be there. The closest person to us who would have maybe been able to watch our little boy was still too far away for my OH to have been there, everything happened so fast. It was actually fortunate my son had not yet gone to sleep and he was able to get me to the ER right away cause had it taken any longer, there could have been serious complications. He would have stayed, but having our son with him and that situation being no place for a 3 year old, he was the only one available to get our son home and take care of him.

 

[Lucy22]

I'm so sorry for your loss. What you did was extremely courageous and brave.
Lots of hugs coming your way