I give up

[babyjan]

Was in tears after getting bfn today my period isn't due till 7th or 8th and I know you can say it's still early but I'm 100% I'm out.

This is the first time in ages I decided to test early as I was feeling a tiny bit hopeful!


I feel like it's all my fault maybe if I never injected stupid depo into my body maybe I would have a baby..... Sorry i'm just really hurt, angry and upset right now.

Every time I look at my son I feel ridiculous moaning but as he gets older and sees his baby cousins his now saying to me 'mummy, I want you to have a baby', 'I want baby brother'.

How do I tell my 3 year old that mummy is struggling to give him a sibling

I honestly believe it's never gonna happen and it hurts seeing pregnancy and babies everywhere! I feel useless

I'm sorry guys this is my first post in here and I don't know where else to go

 

[missk1989]

I know it is hard more days than not. Have you looked into treatments? We know we will not be eligible for it on the NHS but are looking into it anyway. I may even donate eggs to save on the cost.

 

[Srbjbex]

Aw Babyjan. I recognise you from other threads (I think like me you've worked your way through all the boards on here over the years!)

All i can say is i know exactly how you feel and it hurts so much. I've found a bit of peace once we started to investigations to find out what was happening (or not happening! ) gave me something to focus on rather than the endless cycles of hope and disappointment which is soul destroying.

Have you had any investigations?

 

[babyjan]

Aw Babyjan. I recognise you from other threads (I think like me you've worked your way through all the boards on here over the years!)

All i can say is i know exactly how you feel and it hurts so much. I've found a bit of peace once we started to investigations to find out what was happening (or not happening! ) gave me something to focus on rather than the endless cycles of hope and disappointment which is soul destroying.

Have you had any investigations?

Hello

I remember you too! I'm sorry it still hasn't happened for you too

I feel a lot better today, I have my sad moments like yesterday then other times i'm like whatever is meant to be will be and that with patience one day it will happen.

I haven't had any investigations, when I last told my gp she said she wasn't worried at all and only if I miscarry again she would refer me for testing. The last time I saw her about this was in October times!

How are you doing?

 

[Srbjbex]

Yes it is all good days and bad days...very few understand. We had some investigations last october and were really surprised to find a super low sperm count for OH...guess we were lucky before! We were all set for ICSI then a scan showed my left ovary was unreachable. I had a laparoscopy on tuesday which basically showed my c section caused loads of damage and my uterus is stuck to my bladder and pushed underneath. Currently awaiting more scans but more surgery will be needed

I feel its one step forward, two steps back in this game.

That's a shame your gp is not being more helpful. If you are concerned you could look at having some tests done privately? With SI the NHS will only go as far ahead as testing anyway then you would have to go private for any treatment. It must be awful to think someone is waiting for you to miscarry again before they will help you .

 

[cass2615]

hi i wanted to comment after seeing the word depo ,how long was you on it hun and how long have you been off it ? i to had depo injection after my first child and felt exactly how you was when you wrote this post ,it took me and my partner 3 long years to concieve our second child my eldest is 9 my youngest will be 5 in june , please dont give up hope sometimes it takes longer for some than others for it to fully leave the system ,i researched it and found typically it takes atleast two years which i did find soul destroying when we went past that mark and still no bfp ,so big hugs to you and loads baby dust hope you get that bfp soon

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

Hello I also recognise your name think we may have been on threads at a similar time, my youngest is 2.5 and my middle son is 4 next week.
In our case I am so unbelievable frustrated because our fertility was great until hubby decided to have a vasectomy after the birth of our youngest, he's since had it reversed but now thanks to the vasectomy has 100% anyibodies and we 11 months down the line. It's taking over my every waking thought and destroying me. I know exactly how you are feeling xxx

 

[babyjan]

hi i wanted to comment after seeing the word depo ,how long was you on it hun and how long have you been off it ? i to had depo injection after my first child and felt exactly how you was when you wrote this post ,it took me and my partner 3 long years to concieve our second child my eldest is 9 my youngest will be 5 in june , please dont give up hope sometimes it takes longer for some than others for it to fully leave the system ,i researched it and found typically it takes atleast two years which i did find soul destroying when we went past that mark and still no bfp ,so big hugs to you and loads baby dust hope you get that bfp soon

Hello

Well I got one depo shot back in November 2012, my next shot was due feb 2013 but I decided against it after reading all the horror stories! I got my first bleed since starting depo on August 2013 and it was irregular till the beginning of 2014.

Thankfully they've gone back to my normal cycles since then! I've had two very early losses last year. In a way that made me feel better knowing that at least I can conceive after depo but at the same time it's depressing because I'm wondering why my body can't hold a pregnancy.

It's been almost 8 long months since my chemical back in October and nothing since.


Thank you for sharing your story. It's nice to read success stories x

 

[babyjan]

Hello I also recognise your name think we may have been on threads at a similar time, my youngest is 2.5 and my middle son is 4 next week.
In our case I am so unbelievable frustrated because our fertility was great until hubby decided to have a vasectomy after the birth of our youngest, he's since had it reversed but now thanks to the vasectomy has 100% anyibodies and we 11 months down the line. It's taking over my every waking thought and destroying me. I know exactly how you are feeling xxx

Hello

I'm sorry it's taking you so long too having vasectomy must have been a hard decision? But I'm glad it's been reversed!

I know what you mean, ttc has taking over my thoughts completely! I'm trying to relax now especially since AF arrived on Thursday. I just don't want it to ruin me but at the same time it's sooo hard to forget about something you want so much.

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

It's quite confusing because the reversal surgeon says his results are fine and that the antibodies aren't a problem but the nhs say the opposite and that the MAR test result suggests that immunilogical infertility is highly probable! Who the hell do you believe?

To be honest I never wanted him to have it done but he INSISTED that he would never ever want anymore children so in then end I sort of agreed but I knew from the word go that it was a mistake. It's been quite hard not to resent him for it but I do my best after all we need to stick together more than ever. X

 

[babyjan]

It's quite confusing because the reversal surgeon says his results are fine and that the antibodies aren't a problem but the nhs say the opposite and that the MAR test result suggests that immunilogical infertility is highly probable! Who the hell do you believe?

To be honest I never wanted him to have it done but he INSISTED that he would never ever want anymore children so in then end I sort of agreed but I knew from the word go that it was a mistake. It's been quite hard not to resent him for it but I do my best after all we need to stick together more than ever. X

I felt similar when I got depo shot. I was adamant that I didn't want another baby for a while so wasn't too bothered when I learned it could take a year to conceive. As for my husband he was extremely annoyed and still reminds me that I shouldn't have ever got the injection and sometimes even says its my fault that we are struggling.

But like you said I tell him we need to stick together through this.

Hopefully we get our bfps soon