I guess I belong here now..

[rwhite]

Hi girls :wave: My name's Rosy and I'm 22. I have a son called Lachlan who is going to be 2 in a couple of weeks time.

I think I will slowly be transitioning to this area, as things are not looking hopeful between my OH and I. We have been fighting for a while now - actually started when I was pregnant but at that point they were just little spats and no big deal, just like everybody has. Things have just detereorated from there really We both have problems - mine's my temper and moodiness and my OH's is his need for everything to be just so (he has very bad anxiety and OCD).

In about November, OH and I started tossing around the idea of having March as a make or break point, and well it's March now and we've had to really start considering how things are going.

I have been feeling quite mixed up lately and there has not been much communication between OH and myself, we also hardly spend any time just the two of us anymore and I got the impression that OH didn't want to make an effort. A couple of weeks ago we told our parents that we were thinking of separating and they were really upset, and urged us to get some counselling, saying we are so young and that we need to put Lachlan first. It's all true and it's something I took on board.

So yeah, I really liked this idea, but OH would not stop going on about how it would be so much better to be apart etc etc and was not interested in getting some counselling and does not think that his anxiety is very bad when everybody else close to him can see that it is. I guess it frustrates me that I can admit I have a bad problem and he can't but hey ho.

So last night I decided I really need to talk to him, as he has been avoiding the subject of getting help, just keeps putting it off then not wanting to talk about it again when a later time comes. I spilled my guts to him, something I've been having a hard time doing lately (opening up), and got really quite upset. We had a big chat, and in the end I got him to admit that he doesn't love me anymore. I asked him if he ever thought he could again and he said he didn't know (in other words no, as that's what he said at first too when I asked if he still loved me). He also stated that he has no interest in working things out.

So here I am, scared shitless. Lachlan and I are going to stay at my parents place (just around the corner) for a couple of weeks as a trial run. I guess I'm half hoping that OH will see that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Despite our faults, I still really love him and I am frustrated and fed up but I really want to work things out, but if he truly doesn't then there's not much point in pleading my case. I work full time and Lachlan goes to daycare during the week...I also don't drive/have my own car as I'm still only learning to drive. Obviously this is something I'm going to have to work on. These things are going to prove trying being a single mum but I'm just going to have to tough it out.

Anyway, sorry for the long essay...I hope to get to know you all a little better

 

[dustbunny]

Although your parents have their heart in the right place I think it is ill advice to stay together for the sake of your child, I think in the long run it potential does more damage. My mum stayed together for the sake of my sister and I and to be honest, I would have rather they separated and mum been a lot happier from it all.
If he is not interested in counselling then there is little point in forcing the issue. He will either go and not be bothered which will make you feel worse about everything or he'll keep dragging his heels about going and drag the whole process out. Also as he is saying he doesn't love you etc you have to evaluate whether he is actually worthy of you. What happens if in 2 weeks he comes back and says he does love you etc and then changes his mind again? He might turn scared at being alone.
I think its a good idea to have a couple of weeks break but please try to not spend the couple of weeks hoping he changes his mind and pining away for him [much easier said than done I know ) and try and see it as a break for you too. Take the time to honestly evaluate the situation you have found yourself in, there will be flaws in your relationship because there are in every relationship. See how you feel being apart and how your LO seems being apart as I am sure having his parents argue a lot isn't positive for him.

Chin up and keep strong

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

welcome to the single parents section

It's a shame yyour OH wasn't open to the couples councilling but maybe some time apart may make you both realise you want to be together? It may be what you bboth need as hard as it is i hope whatever happens, that you & most importantly your son are happy we're always here if you need to talk/have a rant x x