i have a confession to make. :(

[greekgirl]

i think my neighbor is pregnant. she had told me that she was waiting till after easter to find out after trying and it's past that time now and she seems very jolly and giggly. -she is usually a cynic and kinda annoyed with everything. plus i asked her how things were- not expecting her to tell me if she was or not, that would be concidered bad luck... just to see how things were because we hadn't spoken in a while and she said while beaming with happiness- we'll see! we are still waiting. and she was glowing! and then she picked up her cat and hugged him saying she was a very proud mommy knowing that her cat is gay. he's been seen with our male cat doing funny things. plus she has two 10lt water bottles on her front porch since this morning and she hasn't brought them in. - but i wouldn't carry them either pregnant or not so...

what is my confession? i am so jealous and sad! i look grey, my pupils are dialated from the clomid- i practically look high i want to cry from exhaustion and we have been trying for sooooo long! it's not fair! life hates me.
i know, with that attitude you'll never get pregnant! right? i hate how cursed i feel for being doomed to this hell.
i keep getting this feeling that it's never going to happen for us and that this coming IUI is going to be a waste of money, energy and time! and screw the money, whgo cares? we want our baby! only a small motility issue with my OH's sperm but i have heard and read about pregnancies with azoospermia!
plus i have been hanging out with our friends who just had a baby and seeing that little face can make my day but it also breaks my heart every time!
if God thinks i am not ready to be a mom or that DH is not ready he is wrong! by what means are parents chosen!!??
if that theory holds true...
my body is ready as can be. my doctor says so. my tests do too.
why is it not happening???
everything sucks!

ps- i don't expect answers as to why it's not happening i am just confessing my terrible thought. it's a woe is me thing.

 

[Bumblebeee]

My God, I know exactly how you're feeling right now. I could have written that last part myself! 3 years we tried for, with no medical reasons why it wasn't happening. It was so draining and I waited every month with baited breath only to see that AF got me. But it happened for me, eventually! It was odd, everything was such a massive coincidence that I tested before AF was even due, and at only 9dpo and I got my BFP. I am not telling you this to rub in your face, believe me, being pregnant for me is just as worrying as I found ltttc as I am so paranoid something will go wrong, but what I am saying is never give up hope. You are bound to get down days, I had hundreds, but seriously (excuse the cliche) but never give up. God willing, it will happen for you. Wishing you all the luck in the world and tons of baby dust!
And about your neighbour, of course you're going to feel like that, it's completely natural and just shows how much you want to be a mother. As hard as it is, try not to let it get you down because your day will come x

 

[greekgirl]

thank you so much for replying.
it's nice to know someone has been through it and finally got their pregnancy.
i wish you a very healthy and happy 9 months!

 

[stimpyroo3]

im in the same boat! its been such a long journey and i am still just getting into see a fertility specialist ive been struggle with guilt like this for years both my younger sisters got pregnant with ease and all of my friends are already parents!!! im 29 this year which is not old but in baby making time i feel like i dont have that many good years left! thank you for this post even if it was a vent!!

 

[greekgirl]

i hope you get your pregnancy soon. i seem to be lucky for other people - all except for me. it really is a downer to see everyone around you with bumps and babies or either and have time pass on and still be waiting. this pain is unbearable sometimes so i understand.

 

[Rainbowbeany]

I hear you--> so many night I cried adn shed why. I even apologised to God for whatever I may have done that I deserved this torture. Eventually, when not blinded by the pain, I realised that everything happens for a reason. Had I gotten preggo when I wanted, mayne Dh and I wouldn't be together now because this ordeal has made us so much stronger and love each other even more. At that time I didn' t know we'd get better jobs with good insurance and buy a house in a family neibohood. ''Everything happens for a reason'' and ''Storms make trees take deepers roots'' are my moto and never let them go because they are what makes us continue and what makes for good encouraging tear jerking BFP stories!

Be positive as hard as it may seem (and I know because I know 4 people who are currently pregnant by accidents or first 3 months TTC) and when your time comes you will be more than grateful and looking back will probably thank how it happened and what it did to you and your family. Best of luck

 

[w2bpg]

It is perfectly okay to vent how you feel. I completely understand how you feel. My sister-in-law just had her 3rd baby yesterday. While I am so excited to have another beautiful nephew, it is so unbelievably had to cope with. We just lost our second pregnancy in close to two years (18 months ttc). Instead of walking into that hospital room yesterday with a 1 year old and being 18 weeks pregnant with our second me and dh went just the two of us. Ltttc is just horrible no matter the reason or lack there of. So vent away, I don't think anyone here will think anything bad about a good ole venting.

 

[Armywife84]

Fertile people suck.

 

[eternaldream]

I know how you feel. I constantly feel envy and anger towards the fertiles. Whenever I see a pregnant woman I have the urge to slap them. Not that I ever would, but I just get so envious. I've never been an envious person until infertility.

 

[greekgirl]

everyone feel free to vent here. it's a confession thread. anything goes!


it's morning, the clomid is making me feel stupid, unmotivated, nauseous and really thirsty. i have a doctors appointment tonight to see if my polyp is still small and harmless and how many eggies this clomid has made for me. i hope everything comes out alright. hope everyone has a nice, stress-free day.

 

[wishandwait]

Naaaw... I confess to finding other reasons to hate pregnant people other than their fertility so I don't look nasty for hating them BECAUSE they're pregnant. My friend recently got pregnant- lucky she's two faced and selfish (not) cause otherwise i'd have to deal with it. I also confess to finding things that a pregnant person may want a flaunting it "Want a beer anyone?" "Oh yeah, I can't wait for my second honeymoon to Bali" It can bring out the worst in me hey

 

[stimpyroo3]

Naaaw... I confess to finding other reasons to hate pregnant people other than their fertility so I don't look nasty for hating them BECAUSE they're pregnant. My friend recently got pregnant- lucky she's two faced and selfish (not) cause otherwise i'd have to deal with it. I also confess to finding things that a pregnant person may want a flaunting it "Want a beer anyone?" "Oh yeah, I can't wait for my second honeymoon to Bali" It can bring out the worst in me hey

hahaha thats what i do too! when my sister said her back was hurting from prego i said well when my back hurts i can take a Vicodin! lmao

i know that when i get my bfp i will not flaunt pregnancy because there maybe someone whos going thru the same thing i am now!!!!

 

[sophieeeex]

Okay, I know you probably don't want to hear this from someone like me. But I can promise you your time will come, my mum tried for 7 years to have me (only recently she told me all about this) she had endometriosis and my dad had a low sperm count, but one time she completely stopped thinking about it and boom there was me. I can't say that I know what your going through, but what I can say to all of you is that I'm here for you if you ever need to talk to anyone. Just please stay positive, your time will come. You all sound like amazing ladies, and so so lovely hugs and kisses xxxxx

 

[Just_married]

Phew I feel a weight lifted that it's ok to be upset here lol.

I'm only a year in, so hats off to you veterans, please tell me how you haven't went out of your mind yet?

My confession is that I want to write SHUUUUUUT UUUUP!!! Whenever I see a post saying 'I'm so upset, we've been trying for 2 months and mornings happened I think something's wrong this is such a rollercoaster I cried for ten whole days when my af arrived bla bla bla etc. Example is on a thread for Christisn ladies (which I consider myself to be) a lady said shed been trying for 4 months and how do people stop making sex a chore and pressure on hubby etc, I replied with my wee bit of encouragement and advice and good wishes for her and bam! She replied saying thanks for your advice but I won't be needing it as I got my bfp this morning and I'm so happy etc.

Can we have a 'thanks for nothing' button LOL!

P.s. I hope so much you get your bfp soon! I'm not going to say relax and don't think about it as anyone who has invested so mch in a dearly wanted baby knows that's impossible. If relaxing were the answer then how come girls in extremely stressful situations fall pregnant when they least want to?

Rant over, love to you all xxx

 

[stimpyroo3]

Phew I feel a weight lifted that it's ok to be upset here lol.

I'm only a year in, so hats off to you veterans, please tell me how you haven't went out of your mind yet?

My confession is that I want to write SHUUUUUUT UUUUP!!! Whenever I see a post saying 'I'm so upset, we've been trying for 2 months and mornings happened I think something's wrong this is such a rollercoaster I cried for ten whole days when my af arrived bla bla bla etc. Example is on a thread for Christisn ladies (which I consider myself to be) a lady said shed been trying for 4 months and how do people stop making sex a chore and pressure on hubby etc, I replied with my wee bit of encouragement and advice and good wishes for her and bam! She replied saying thanks for your advice but I won't be needing it as I got my bfp this morning and I'm so happy etc.

Can we have a 'thanks for nothing' button LOL!

P.s. I hope so much you get your bfp soon! I'm not going to say relax and don't think about it as anyone who has invested so mch in a dearly wanted baby knows that's impossible. If relaxing were the answer then how come girls in extremely stressful situations fall pregnant when they least want to?

Rant over, love to you all xxx

love it "thanks for nothing button" great idea! i also hate being told to try not to think about it and it will happen im like thats not really possible and most of the time that's just people being careless. like my friend said i wasnt even thinking about it and next thing i knew i was preg! im like so you forgetting to take your bc and getting preg isnt a slap in my face? lol

how are you not supposed to think about it when there are so many fertile people around and for some reason everyone gets preg at the same time so literally everyone ELSE will always be preg!!!

 

[Just_married]

phew i feel a weight lifted that it's ok to be upset here lol.

I'm only a year in, so hats off to you veterans, please tell me how you haven't went out of your mind yet?

My confession is that i want to write shuuuuuut uuuup!!! Whenever i see a post saying 'i'm so upset, we've been trying for 2 months and mornings happened i think something's wrong this is such a rollercoaster i cried for ten whole days when my af arrived bla bla bla etc. Example is on a thread for christisn ladies (which i consider myself to be) a lady said shed been trying for 4 months and how do people stop making sex a chore and pressure on hubby etc, i replied with my wee bit of encouragement and advice and good wishes for her and bam! She replied saying thanks for your advice but i won't be needing it as i got my bfp this morning and i'm so happy etc.

Can we have a 'thanks for nothing' button lol!

P.s. I hope so much you get your bfp soon! I'm not going to say relax and don't think about it as anyone who has invested so mch in a dearly wanted baby knows that's impossible. If relaxing were the answer then how come girls in extremely stressful situations fall pregnant when they least want to?

Rant over, love to you all xxx

love it "thanks for nothing button" great idea! I also hate being told to try not to think about it and it will happen im like thats not really possible and most of the time that's just people being careless. Like my friend said i wasnt even thinking about it and next thing i knew i was preg! Im like so you forgetting to take your bc and getting preg isnt a slap in my face? Lol

how are you not supposed to think about it when there are so many fertile people around and for some reason everyone gets preg at the same time so literally everyone else will always be preg!!!

exactly!!

 

[Misswish]

Hi Ladies, I agree with you. Sometimes it's just so hard watching others around you getting pregnant. My sister inlaw had a baby boy last year a month before my baby would have been born. I adore him so much but it is a reminder that I could have had a baby similiar age. I had 3 miscarriages last year. In total ive had 4 & noone can tell me why. Just bad luck! One of my best friends got pregnant in jan & now I have to hear about it practically everyday. She keeps whinging about things & I just keep thinking if I was pregnant I'd just be happy! Two other friends are trying. I just keep hearing about all these women I know getting pregnant & it's annoying me! Why the hell can't I get pregnant & go full time with a healthy baby! Hey that does feel better gettin it out. It's good to be able to talk to people going through a similiar experience.

 

[susan_1981]

I know exactly how you feel. I felt like it for a long, long while. We started TTC back in August 2008, was pregnant by October 2008 but miscarried, was absolutely devastated but started trying again straight away in the December/January. A year later - felt like a lot longer - I got my BFP again. Was over the moon, when 4 days later, I started bleeding, the tests started fading and it was over again. Was absolutely devastated again. It then took 2 years for me to get my next BFP (which was back in November and I'm over the moon to now be just over 29 weeks pregnant).

I had such down times, crying in private every time my period arrived and then I just kind of got over it. Well I still longed to be pregnant but thought maybe I should just try and be grateful for what I do have. But we were still desperately trying. Then my friend (who didn't even know her then partner - now husband - when me and my husband started TTC) fell pregnant and I was soooo upset. I felt terrible for feeling like that but I couldn't help it. It just seemed so unfair.

I think you go through times when it gets easier and then you can just slip back into the tougher times. In the end, I just kind of accepted that it may never happen for us - although I was never ever going to stop trying - and here I am. People kept telling me to relax, take it easy, it will happen when it happens. Easy to say that when people like that generally fall pregnant the first month of trying. But no, we didn't give up. We were due to start the process of IVF in January this year but I had to cancel all the tests because I got my BFP in the November.

So it can happen. Don't give up hope (and try pre-seed - I think that definitely helped us). It is so hard but there are so many ladies out there who struggle to fall pregnant but get there in the end. I hope your BFP is on it's way to you xxx

 

[Just_married]

I know exactly how you feel. I felt like it for a long, long while. We started TTC back in August 2008, was pregnant by October 2008 but miscarried, was absolutely devastated but started trying again straight away in the December/January. A year later - felt like a lot longer - I got my BFP again. Was over the moon, when 4 days later, I started bleeding, the tests started fading and it was over again. Was absolutely devastated again. It then took 2 years for me to get my next BFP (which was back in November and I'm over the moon to now be just over 29 weeks pregnant).

I had such down times, crying in private every time my period arrived and then I just kind of got over it. Well I still longed to be pregnant but thought maybe I should just try and be grateful for what I do have. But we were still desperately trying. Then my friend (who didn't even know her then partner - now husband - when me and my husband started TTC) fell pregnant and I was soooo upset. I felt terrible for feeling like that but I couldn't help it. It just seemed so unfair.

I think you go through times when it gets easier and then you can just slip back into the tougher times. In the end, I just kind of accepted that it may never happen for us - although I was never ever going to stop trying - and here I am. People kept telling me to relax, take it easy, it will happen when it happens. Easy to say that when people like that generally fall pregnant the first month of trying. But no, we didn't give up. We were due to start the process of IVF in January this year but I had to cancel all the tests because I got my BFP in the November.

So it can happen. Don't give up hope (and try pre-seed - I think that definitely helped us). It is so hard but there are so many ladies out there who struggle to fall pregnant but get there in the end. I hope your BFP is on it's way to you xxx

What a great testimony which gives me hope. Thank you for sharing x

 

[Misswish]

Thanks Susan. I could relate to exactly what you said. Thats how i have been feeling. Thanks for the post. I'm so happy for you. I wish you all the best :0