I have an unhealthy anxiety about loss (sensitive topics mentioned)

[shirlls]

I wasn't sure where in the forum to post this thread especially with the subject (pregnancy loss) however I guess as it is to do with mental health (anxiety) here is probably the best place to post.

Without deliberately meaning to, every time someone tells me they are pregnant my first thought in my mind is 'I hope everything goes well for them and nothing happens to the baby'. Obviously everyone naturally wishes the pregnant woman the best, however I instantly feel nervous for them and a feeling of dread in case they lose their baby. And don't get me started on seeing scan pictures on Facebook..! I don't mean to think like this, but I can't help it, it's almost like it's been hard wired into me to think like this even though I know I need to stop it. I always hide it well and smile and say congratulations, however underneath I am worrying for them which I know is totally unfounded. I am always so relieved when I hear of the safe arrival of a baby which I know up to a point is perfectly normal, however I think I seriously need to talk to my GP as it is getting a bit out of control, but I feel a bit embarrassed.

From a very early age I was told that my mum had tragically suffered a full term stillbirth a few years before I was born so I've been aware of pregnancy loss from as young as I can remember which maybe contributes to it. Then a few years ago I had started to calm down a little and stop worrying about things like stillbirth, etc, but then it happened to one of my friends and that started me off again. Then I had 2 miscarriages myself which didn't help either, and I think it's an accumulation of all these things which has fed my anxiety. I have a one year old and I remember the nerves and anxiety of my pregnancy, I had good and bad days but I was an emotional wreck. When I hear people who have had children with no losses, it feels alien to me and I feel strong feelings of jealousy towards them that they had children with no losses.

I just wish I could get over this stupid preoccupation with pregnancy loss I have, but when I think I am doing ok and being positive about a pregnancy announcement I read a story somewhere about pregnancy loss, and I tell myself it would be naive to not consider it as it does happen. I feel so confused and wish I could feel more comfortable with pregnancy, both my own and other people's. OH and I are discussing trying for another at the moment and I am so worried about losing more pregnancies that I feel like I can't do it

 

[Coco Tutu]

Hi shirlls! It sounds really traumatic, to have to deal with two miscarriages and having a history of stillbirth in the family. I am TTC for my first and as much as I want to avoid thinking about chemical pregnancies and miscarriages, when reading on the forums I see that they are far more common than we think On the other hand, the majority of women give birth without a loss, so we should try and focus on the positive side. I am sorry I have no advice to give.

 

[seoj]

Obviously you have good reason to feel this way in general- especially when you are talking about TTC again. I can imagine anyone that has suffered this type of loss, it's going to be at the for front of their mind with each pregnancy. I know many woman personally that suffered from loss- early and late term. tbh, during my pregnancy, as I'd assume it is with all women (to one extent or another)... I thought about loss. I tried not to worry about it much- as it's not something I could control- but knowing many woman that had them at different stages- well, it was in the back of my mind for sure. And the farther along I got- the less I thought about it... but there is never that guarantee for anyone.

If you suffer from anxiety in general- then this is something you might focus more on as it's very personal to you and women you know. I have anxiety myself- and I know how frustrating it can be when you don't want to focus on something negative, but you can't always help where your mind goes.

I would recommend you speak to your doctor- talk about options. Maybe see a counselor or ask about medications that could help (that are also safe while TTC for the future)... I do see a counselor as my anxiety got worse after my Mom passed. And just talking it out really helps... but, I have considered medication to rid myself (as much as I can) from that festering feeling when they occur. It's not fun. I've heard really good things about wellbutrin-- I know people on it, and it's got minimal side affects, and works pretty quickly, and does help with anxiety, as well as it's not as addictive and easier to stop when needed.

IDK-- maybe to much info for ya, but might be worth checking out. Best of luck!

 

[JoolsH]

I have had 5 m/c and a stillbirth but also have 3 l/c. I totally identified with your post- although you haven't coped with late loss directly yourself it has obviously affected you greatly. I had all those thoughts and feelings with my Rainbow.As far as any pregnancy of your own is concerned, just the fact that you are aware of potential problems actually should mean you are less likely to have problems as you can plan and prepare in advance. There are many ways of reducing risk- healthy lifestyle, diet, exercise, weight, regular checks, querying any concerns, kick counts etc. However you should speak to your GP. anxiety is a terrible thing to live with and is easily transferred to other areas of our lives if we are not careful. good luck x

 

[aidensxmomma]

Big hugs hun. I can relate. I have the same type of anxieties. I had a miscarriage in 2009 and then lost my youngest to SIDS in 2012. I worry about everyone that I know who is pregnant or has a baby. I strongly suggest talking to your doctor and getting into counseling. I think it would help you a lot to be able to talk about your feelings. Good luck with everything hun.