I need advice. I don't like my brother in laws gf

[molly860]

Hey all,



So my husband and i have been married for about 3 years now. He used to hang out with his brother a lot when we first started dating, and his brother and i always got on well. About a year and a half into me and my husband dating, his brother got this gf. Her and i got on really well at first, she seemed very pleasant, fun, outgoing, and we would go out as a 4 a lot. Then, about a year or so in, things started to change. His gf's personality changed dramatically. I am not sure why, but we would be invited places by them, but when we got there she wouldn't say hi to me or aknowledge me, and sometimes not talk the whole night. I would make conversation sometimes, and she would respond, but she seemed pretty nonchalent when i spoke to her. I found this a bit strange, because she went from throwing my bachelorette party for me, to not talking to me at all, and i really don't know what her problem is. It has actually got to a point where my husband and i never see them anymore. My brother in law doesn't talk either. They invited us to a brunch one time around christmas, and when we got there i said hi to him and he never said hi back, so i figured oh he probably didn't hear seems we were in a restaurant with music, so i said heyyyy really loudly, and he blanked me. She never said hi either. So i started finding it really strange that they would invite us places but never really talk to me. She never spoke to me, and as the time went on talked less and less to my husband. My brother in law always talks to my husband when we are in their company, but never speaks to me. So, we stopped going to their functions, and only see them now if it is a family event. I am perfectly fine with this, but i am still friends with them both on fb, and she only ever comments on any of my stuff when she is giving her oppossing opinion to something i have said. I had no problem with this girl until she completely turned for no reason. What is her problem seriously! I find it so hard sometimes when she comments on my fb with a sarcastic comment, or being a know all. Sometimes it just seems like she purposely comments just to disagree with me. How would you all suggest dealing with this? I don't get why she has turned so strange.

 

[Tanikins]

Tbh id just call them on it. Just be blunt and ask what the deal is. I mean worst case they'll stop talking to you / seeing you, but as your nearly there i cant see a huge problem



Can you think of anything you may have done to upset them

 

[molly860]

Honestly, i really don't think i have done anything to her. I used to wonder what her problem was, but i also thought if she had one, why not speak to me about it, but i kind of gave up on wanting to know seems i really don't think we are each others sort. One day she would not say a word, and then the next time she might be chatty for a little depending on her mood, and if she had had a few drinks. I have seen her be this way towards people other than myself, so i wondered if maybe she just changed, and decided she didn't like certain people anymore. My brother in law changed a lot too. He doesn't laugh at the same stuff anymore, and he never sees us nor any of his other friends that live in the area. He moved about 40 mins away, and only sees her friends now. To be honest, i don't really care what her problem is anymore, i am always nice and civil, and she seems to have a problem. What does irritate me though is a 30 year old woman making snarky comments on fb when that is all she ever says to me. Maybe i will remove her as my friend, or just ignore her from now on.

 

[Baby Bell]

I would just delete her from fb I was you. If she asks why just tell her the truth, that you can't be bothered with her sarcy know itall comments any more! I had a fb clearlut of all the knowitalls on my fb and trust me it feels soooo good

 

[molly860]

Haha! I really want to, but i guess i am too nice and think i will look like the one with the problem to the whole family if i do.

I would just delete her from fb I was you. If she asks why just tell her the truth, that you can't be bothered with her sarcy know itall comments any more! I had a fb clearlut of all the knowitalls on my fb and trust me it feels soooo good

 

[Baby Bell]

Just block her from your feed and don't let her see your posts that you know she can't help but butt in on, I'm sure you can choose who can see your posts, don't know how though

 

[ladyluck8181]

Just block her from your feed and don't let her see your posts that you know she can't help but butt in on, I'm sure you can choose who can see your posts, don't know how though

^^^wss you can stop her seeing your status updates and her oh too! I've had to do it with a few people that I don't want knowing when baby arrives as I know they'll be all up in my face about seeing it although they've made no effort to see us for the last 9 months!

 

[Tanikins]

I dunno then, people are odd creatures

 

[missk1989]

It sounds to me like she got jealous of how well you and BIL got on and was worried it might be more. Thats probably why she stopped talking to you and if she has been going on at him it may be why he has reduced contact with you. To save the headache. I dont think there is much you can do about it.

 

[cherrylips100]

It could be anything. She could be jealous of your relationship, jealous of you and your bil getting along well, jealous of how well you get on with your inlaws, your house, your job... she might have taken offence to one tiny thing you've said once or posted online or she could just be a bit odd in general...
You don't need the stress so you should either ask what's up or just stop making an effort as it doesn't sound worth it. Ignore anything sarcastic she posts on your status as if it isn't there.

 

[R_x]

I would ask her if I'd done something to upset her x

 

[Lau88]

Put her on restricted profile, don't make an effort and get on with your life. She clearly isn't worth it.

 

[JumpingIn]

I'd be asking to meet up for coffee or something just me and her and then asking her straight up if she's ok, if our relationship was ok, and explaining how things have looked from your end. It could be anything. Depression, tension in THEIR relationship, jealousy, anger, upset...but you'll never know unless you ask, and just blocking her from fb and not seeing her wont give you any answers! I mean sure, if you make a special effort to ask and she still just blanks you or denies it or doesn't explain, THEN think about deleting them and moving on, but for now you have no clue what this is all about!

 

[jd83]

I'd be asking to meet up for coffee or something just me and her and then asking her straight up if she's ok, if our relationship was ok, and explaining how things have looked from your end. It could be anything. Depression, tension in THEIR relationship, jealousy, anger, upset...but you'll never know unless you ask, and just blocking her from fb and not seeing her wont give you any answers! I mean sure, if you make a special effort to ask and she still just blanks you or denies it or doesn't explain, THEN think about deleting them and moving on, but for now you have no clue what this is all about!

This. Given that she is BIL's gf, its worth trying to mend the relationship if that's at all possible. Its' worth at least trying to find out what the problem is. Sure, could just be she simply doesn't care for you, but it could also be something bigger, like problems they are having,etc that are causing her to act so strange.

If you get nowhere with asking her about it, though, I agree, I'd probably just restrict her on FB.

 

[lhancock90]

I call them both out on it and try and fix things myself.

 

[seoj]

I agree with above-- since it's your BIL/SIL, you are going to be at functions with them, and tbh- doesn't sound like it can be worse than it is already... so why not just maybe send her an email and ask her what changed? I know it's not fun confronting someone- and truly, if she cared enough she should of come to you in the first place and not just suddenly changed her behavior towards you. It might be nothing you've personally done... but I'd want to know. Or, at least try to find out. Then- if they continue with no reason... like suggested, hide feeds or block them and just be cordial when needed...

Unfortunately, you can't pick family! With the exception of your spouse of course and the family you built together So, in my eyes, my hubby and kids ARE my immediate family. I get along great with the rest of my bio-family... but if not, then my immediate family is what matters most now. Period.