I need 'last name' advice...

[AerisandAlex]

Alright girls, I need some help here...

This is a big decision either way and honestly, I'm split on the issue...

I call my DH, my DH because we've lived together for'EVER' and been a family for almost 10 years now, but we've never officially tied the knot... it's mostly due to problems with the family... I wanted a 'big' wedding, but that seems out of the question now... our families hate each other... so the only way it seems like we can get married is to go straight for the justices...

Now, here comes my issue... When we had our children, I gave them my maiden name.... I did this because of 2 reasons... Number 1 reason was, his ex-wife... she and him had 3 children together and even after they split and the divorce was finalized, she kept his last name... she is not a 'nice' girl, in fact, she's well known for her bad 'habits' around town (and we live in a quiet community so everyone knows everything about everyone) and I didn't want to be associated with that, and I certainly didn't want them linking my children with her either... Number 2 reason was, as a precaution, in case he and I didn't work out, I wanted them to have my name so there was no confusion anywhere... between my kids and me, and between the schools, hospitals, doctors, etc, I just didn't want to go through all that hassle...

Our daughter is now 6 and is used to her last name as mine... our son doesn't know any better at the moment so it'd be easy to switch his name without hurting anything... but I'm afraid of confusing my daughter...

And thennnn it comes back to the ex-wife too, I just feel like people would connect the 2 of us and I really would prefer if people would not even know that I know her lol... (not to mention DH's family is just awful, I can't stand one of them... I put up with them, but they're the most selfish narcissistic people you'd ever meet!)

Sooooo... DH came up with another solution, he said he'd change HIS last name and kind of move himself into our family away from his own... (the only person he feels would have cared deeply about this would have been his father, who sadly passed away 2 years ago. He was a very good man, the only one who cared about his grandchildren and DH and their wellbeing... not how he could profit off them like DH's mother and the rest of his family). I'd be okay with this, but I feel like DH only wants to do this to settle the issue and finally tie the knot and that he really does want me to take his name... and I really do, it's just all the other problems I listed above, ugh...

It just seems so weird, this should be a simple thing but it has become our biggest problem.

Any advice? Thanks!

 

[Redfraggle]

Are they names that could be added together and made double barrelled? I know a few couples that have done this.

 

[AerisandAlex]

Eh, yes and no... I mean, I could get used to it, but I think it'd be a mouth full lol

Sumner-Clarke... (his is Clarke) I just don't see that working very well.

 

[emyandpotato]

I like Sumner-Clarke actually! Why not keep your own names? More and more people are doing that now.

 

[AerisandAlex]

I'd love to, I mean, I'm so used to it as it is lol, but DH seems to be hurt by the idea of us not sharing the same last name. He thinks of it as the ultimate knot tying so to speak.

 

[emyandpotato]

Then let him take yours. He's not really that bothered about what you want and he's willing to take your name so just let him! It's not like you're forcing him.

 

[AerisandAlex]

Well, it sort of feels like I am. He's been wanting to tie the knot for a long time, but we always end with the debate about the last name, at first he wanted me to just take his name and ignore his ex-wife, that 'maybe' she'll re-marry and change her name (fat chance as their children have his last name too and she won't be able to change their last names if she remarries) but now he's just started saying that he doesn't care anymore, he just wants to get married already and he'll change his name if that's what it takes. I feel like he'll begin to regret and even resent that his last name was changed in the future because of how his father would have felt... and I can just imagine the reaction his family will have, particularly his mother... (although again, the only person we really cared about was his father, but the family might begin to treat him even worse based on his decision.) Blah, sorry, I'm not trying to be difficult, this is just a very delicate situation we have lol

 

[emyandpotato]

Yeah it sounds it! There isn't going to be anything you can do that you'll all be happy with though, apart from to maybe double barrel. Is that an option? It honestly doesn't sound bad!

 

[lozzy21]

If nether of you will be 100% happy changing to the other double barrel them.

 

[Mummy May]

I like Sumner-Clarke too me and fob doubled barrelled our name to give DD because I didn't just want his name and its fine, it works! It's just getting used to it xx