i need your oppinions please

[stevon111]

Hello there Guys

i never really use this anymore but when i need some advise i find this the best place to turn to

i just want some advice on a few things which im starting to get worried/unhappy about to do with my daughter and i would be so thankfull if you could help and just share your thoughts on the things i highlight to you x


1. my daughter is nearly 2 and a half and can make great conversation with me about alot of things as she is very advanced with her talking and shes telling me that my ex partners boyfriend is putting her on a naughty step and last week came out with that he had smacked her for shouting at my ex partner (we have been split for 2 years) and she has only been seeing this lad for about 5-6 months and to be fair i have no idea who this lad is as i never question my Ex partner into anything of this sort but she has never actually told me she was with him in the first place and when i go to hers to pick our daughter up i think hes there but possibly hiding but i have known for a while. i just would like your thoughts on this as i personally dont think this is right but im not sure how to highlight this with my Ex

2. CSA - at present i have an agreement which does not involve the CSA where i pay my Ex £25.00 per week (this would be the same amount as if i went through the CSA) and i have my daughter each weekend both saturday and sunday and both nights for the past 2 years solid - my question is if my Ex partner is having our daughter only 3 nights a week (mon tue and wed) and then passing her off to her sister to look after for the thurs and friday then should she really be getting this amount of money from me... she doesnt work and there is no actual reason why she cant have our daughter she just wants time with her bf even though she has full weekends when i have her?

3. the situation is quite sad to be fair ... we both dont really get on with eachother although we have not argued in about a year as we simply just dont speak to eachother its just as simple as that i ask how our daughter is on a wednesday by text message and i just get a short reply back saying shes fine etc... i just wish things were different and that we could talk to eachother as normal but all the way through the past 2 years she has grown to lie more and more and more which i am getting majorly concerned over and i think this is the reason why i dont speak to her much becouse im frightened of her lies.

to sum everything all up really its just that im getting concerned about where our daughter is all the time and why is she getting passed around so much ..its heartbreaking when she told me that she had been shouted at and put on a naughty step and smacked by her partner and i think the reason behind all this is that shes just not getting enough attention from her mother so shes seeking to do it another way ... im a very very soft hearted person who just hates to have arguements and i hate getting upset over things so i just dont know where to start with these things im abit stuck

 

[Mummy1995]

I'm really sorry to hear that but it's so good to have another dad who actually gives a DAMN come on here!

1) I'd say naughty step is fair enough (if that's your way of discipline) however in my opinion NO ONE has the right to hit your daughter especially a partner who hasn't been involved in her life very long! I would just straight up say to your ex your daughter told you that it happened and ask her if it is true and that it is in no way acceptable. And to be honest if I were you I would ask to meet this partner so you can also tell him you do not like that he is smacking YOUR daughter.

2. One of the questions csa ask I think is how often you see the child and how often the child is with the receiving parents as I think this helps them decide how much you give.maybe give them a call? If I were I'd use csa just in case at some point she tries to say you haven't paid. Also, are you not able to have your daughter the other 2 days your ex wants to Palm her off? That way you'd be her primary care giver and she'd need to give you csa (I think).

3. I can understand your upset, it sounds like a very sad upsetting situation and the fact that she is lying is awful. I'd maybe try and find a time where you could meet somewhere and talk about everything. In a neutral place, say a cafe, with someone mutual (if there is someone) to stop things getting heated. And then tell her your feelings. Explain you don't want to get back with her and respect she's in a new relationship but you'd still very much like to build up a friendship and maintain one for the sake of your daughter, so she doesn't grow up in a hostile environment. Because there WILL be a time when she will want you both around and you will have to get on and it'll be a lot easier and happier for her if you were content to be around each other.

Hope that helps a little. Good luck xx

 

[Mummy1995]

Oh and I agree about her not getting enough attention.'naughty' children are not just naughty for the sake of being naught, there's often a reason behind their behaviour. It could be that she's confused as well with being passed around and that your ex's partner is still new in her life. I hope your ex isn't getting her to call her boyfriend daddy? That may confuse her too if it's happening. X

 

[Dream.dream]

First I don't think a guy she's been with that little time should be parenting or disciplining your daughter . That's juts my opinion but that's her mothers job.

I would go through CSa if its anything like Canada or the states to get child support from you she has to have the child the majority of the time and 3 days a week is part time .

 

[Mummy1995]

100% agree, if I found out my ex's partner (not that he's involved) ever lay a finger on Isabella I'd go nuts and say he could only see her when I'm around so that I can keep an eye on things!

 

[Ceejay123]

He should not be disciplining her at all.

If i were you I'd file for custody - It shouldn't be shared custody between you, your ex, and her sister. x