I still regret the name we gave

[Elisheva009]

My son is 20 months old and I still regret the name we gave him.

Our first child is a girl and this is the name we had decided to go use if she had been a boy. It was my husband's suggestion but I didn't hate it and the meaning of the name fitted with our circumstances at the time we found out I was pregnant.

When we were expecting our second child, my husband proposed a different choice of name but I didn't like it. It was also the name of my cousin's child, the last boy to have been born in the family. I also proposed a list of about 5 names, but my husband could not stand any of them, so we were back to the name we had chosen for our first child, only I had gone off it quite a lot at this point.

There was one name which we both kind of liked - Emanuel, but because it's long, we thought people would try to shorten it to Manny or Manu, neither of which we liked. I also know an Emanuel who goes by Manny and this association put me off the name.

We continued to try and think or other names up until the baby was born, but because I preferred more unusual names and my husband, more common ones, we never found a name we could agree on.

I ended up giving birth 2 weeks early, and we gave the original name with a middle name of my choice (actually, we were deciding between 2 middle names and even when I was 8cm dilated, we had not decided!)

Soon afterwards, I started wishing we had named the baby Emanuel or at least used it as a middle name so that we could have called him that (it was one of the middle names under consideration) and basically I've been feeling that way ever since.

To make the situation worse, our son's name is one of the most popular names at DD's school. She was not at school at the time of his birth, otherwise we probably would not have given the name seing how popular it is. One time someone asked his name and when I told them, said "oh, ANOTHER one?"

Has anyone else every been in this position? How did you get over it?

 

[MUMOF5]

I can relate to what your saying, our last little girl was named Daisy, but it never sat right with me, she just really wasn't a Daisy. Everyone kept telling she'd look more like one as we got used to her name but I didn't, so when she was 4 months we decided to swap her first and middle names round, so she became Madeleine Daisy (mostly goes by Maddie) which totally suits her. Luckily because she was under a year old we were able get a new birth certificate with her name change on. I think the main problem was that we just settled on a first name that we both kind of liked rather than loved.

It's harder for you as obviously your son is older, does he have a middle name you prefer that you could maybe use?

 

[Elisheva009]

He does have a middle name but DH doesn't like it!

DH actually wanted to give just one name but since I was never in love with the name, I persuaded him that to make it more special and individual we should add a middle name. DH does not like the middle name (even though it was him who decided to go with that rather than Emanuel at the last moment) but agreed to it thinking it would never be used, which it hasn't.

I was hoping we would call him both names, and in the beginning I tried insisting that other people used both names but no one really caught on to it.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

you could file in court to have it changed.

I dont regret my sons name but i do WISH i had hyphenated his 2 middle names. Its so small, its not worth filing but its still really annoying. People have him as NOP, not NOLP. His 2 middles are after my grandpa and my dad, so they are both important!

 

[Elisheva009]

One of the problems is that my DH does like the name so we're not on the same page about that.

It's also extremely difficult to change your name here. Women can't even change their name when they get married.

Another problem we have is that there is a common pronunciation for his name in English speaking countries and we might be moving in the future so people are going to start pronouncing his name very differently to the way we are used to.

 

[Amygdala]

Do you mind sharing the name? I wonder if there's a cute nickname you might love more?

 

[Elisheva009]

Ethan, but it's pronounced Eitan.

That's another problem. If we move back to an English speaking country, everyone is going to start pronouncing it in the standard way but that feels like a different name to me! When we gave the name and chose the spelling I kind of thought both pronunciations would be used, but so far they have not been.

If we move we're going to have to change either the pronunciation or the spelling.

 

[Amygdala]

Aw, I actually really like that. But I know that doesn't help you of course.
Honestly, I'd you're that unhappy, I'd change it, even at 20 months old. Is there a diminutive of Ethan you like? Or a related name you could get away with with Ethan being the official? Or an unrelated nickname he could go by (like Sonny, or Junior or something...)? If your heart still hurts for Emanuel then I'd talk to your husband again and seriously consider changing it. If you've not changed your mind in 20 months, you must be serious about it.

 

[jenmcn1]

I can totally relate with that. With our 3rd baby, our youngest son, we were choosing between Josiah and Emmett. I had ALWAYS loved Josiah but was put off by it for some reason. So my whole pregnancy I kept referring to the baby as Emmett. Fell in love with the name(we were team yellow but I just knew it was a boy).
Anyways, literally LAST minute on the morning of my csection on the way to the hospital we decided on using the name Josiah.
After we named our son, and in recovery I regretted it. However we had already sent out the birth announcement to family, friends social media etc.
For months after he was born I regretted it. Strongly.
Partly because I didn't want people to shorten his name to Joe.
Anyways, long story short, I now like the name, he's 2 yrs old, but it took me a good 1+yr to get over us not calling him Emmett.
Now I can't imagine calling him anything else...because that's just who he is. Josiah.

...and now that I'm a week away from having my 4th baby I'm facing the same dilemma. Ugh. Again.
It's such a big thing to name a child. So it seems like a lot of pressure.

Are you still having regrets? I think that's totally normal to feel that way after having a child, making sure you give them a name that suits them etc.
I'm sorry your feeling discouraged. The way I have thought of it, is if I took his name away, and changed it now...it would be changing a big part of what makes him...him. If that makes sense. I wouldn't want to change his name at this point, because it would be changing and kinda erasing memories that had been made prior to that.
Ok I may not be conveying that properly. I hope that doesn't come across as harsh or anything-not sure how to put into words.

It's a process to accept it though, and I've been there. Big hugs mama

 

[Clever.Name]

Ethan, but it's pronounced Eitan.

That's another problem. If we move back to an English speaking country, everyone is going to start pronouncing it in the standard way but that feels like a different name to me! When we gave the name and chose the spelling I kind of thought both pronunciations would be used, but so far they have not been.

If we move we're going to have to change either the pronunciation or the spelling.

I live in Toronto, Canada, and Eitan is a very popular name here. Most people know how to pronounce it. I don't see why you would need to change it just due to moving to an English speaking country.

 

[JumpingIn]

I'm going to go against some of the other posters and say I think it's too late to change it.

My son is 15 months and you can tell he is beginning to link his name with his budding sense of self. I think at 20 months it's no longer about the parental preference but about what he has known all his life and that suddenly changing. Of course he is still baby-like, but he is old enough to link the sound of his name to how people address him and how that also relates to how he's feeling, his desires in that moment etc

I'm not saying it'd be terribly damaging or anything dramatic like that, but I just think even confusing him a tiny bit with this wouldn't be worth the payoff of you just liking his name more. If that makes sense.