I suppose I belong here now...

[nevernormal]

I tried to hold out hope that our 2nd would come easier than our first, but no such luck.

We TTC our son for 2 years and conceived him while on Clomid.

He's 22 months now, and I've had my cycle back since he was 9 months so it's been a year and we're still not pregnant. My *ideal* age gap would've been 1.5-2.5 years and we've passed the latter end of that, so who knows what will happen.

Life is a bit crazy right now and DH and I aren't sure if pursuing treatment is the right course of action right now, or even a possibility because we travel so much and I can't commit to any monitoring.

IF I get into a doctor it won't be until late April or May sometime, and that's if I make the decision and call now. It seems with the new healthcare in the US the wait times are a lot longer to find a doctor.

I think I'm also just afraid of pursuing treatment and it not working at all. At least if I don't go that route *yet* it's always a possibility, but we wouldn't go further than clomid/femara so I'm afraid to reach the end of the line.... and then what?

Mostly I just try to take things day by day and be content with the sweet little boy that I have. It's baby time among all of my friends and acquaintances though -- my best friend has had 4 in the time span that it took me to have 1! Anyway, I try to be very intentional about not wallowing in self-pity and celebrating all the new life but sometimes all of the pregnancy and birth announcements just overwhelm, especially when they are for #2+.

We would love a large family, with lots of children! So it's hard to adjust my expectations and learn to be content with the family size God has for us. We hope to adopt one day regardless of how many bio kids we have, so if that happens at least he won't be an only child forever.

 

[sweetmere]

Girl I almost could have written this!

Our daughter took 8 months to conceive. (Which I know we differ there). We started trying again a year ago when she turned 1. We have had two miscarriages since.

I just decided to make my way over too. I have hypothyroidism, MTHFR, and low progesterone/luteal phase defect along with a history of high prolactin that I could still have. Watching everyone get #2 really sucks. I am soooo bitter! I'm 24 and don't know anyone personally having trouble with #2. All I can do is thank God that I started trying for my daughter at 21. If we had started later idk what would have happened.

We also wanted 18-24 months as an age gap. Now *if* it happens this month, and works out, which is a HUGE if, they will be 33 months apart. I'm so sad that they won't have that age gap and be super close.

 

[nevernormal]

I have an LPD as well, but at least with my son it seemed like taking a B vitamin complex helped a LOT. I am trying to be more consistent with it again but we travel a lot right now and nothing is consistent!

I'm 25 so I understand where you're coming from there as well. I know infertility is hard anyway but I think it's especially hard when you're young. I know before we got pregnant the first time, my hubby was trying to comfort me and told me about his neighbor growing up. She thought she couldn't have kids but got pregnant at 37. 37!!!! I was 22 at the time. I didn't/don't want to be infertile for the next 15 years! NOT encouraging at all.

The only thing I can say is do try not to be bitter. This is my 2nd round of infertility, and the first time around I saw so many ladies in the LTTTC section who were just bitter and angry. I definitely struggled since I have a friend who got pregnant the exact cycle we started trying. I made a choice to love that little girl (and my friend!) anyway, and I'm so glad I did. That doesn't mean I never struggled (or still don't). That doesn't mean I never thought "If I'd gotten pregnant right away, I would have a ___old child". Etc. But don't let the bitterness consume you.

This time around, I have to remember to hold onto that as well. That same friend is the one I wrote about above that is pregnant with her 4th right now --4 kids in the time it's taken me to have 1! But being bitter would ruin that friendship and it wouldn't make me pregnant anyway!

Also, I have to keep in mind the little boy that God has already given me. I got very consumed with TTC and my infertile status the first time around. I just can't get so consumed with a potential baby that I forget the one that's right in front of me. During the times that I start feeling sorry for myself (like when AF came 3 days ago!) or consumed with the thought of another, I'll all of a sudden realize that I have been missing out on a full relationship with my son, not fully enjoying what he's up to at the moment.

I know it's hard, but don't be bitter about the what ifs and maybes! And take it one day at a time

 

[nevernormal]

Along the same lines though, know that getting pregnant/having another doesn't mean immediate healing for the pain you've gone through this time around. I never had miscarriages but again with my friend... it took me probably until my son was 9 months old to stop thinking "I SHOULD have a x month (his age) + 2years old child right now"... the same age as my friend's little girl, if things had been different for me. While I love(d) him with everything I had, it still took a while to accept this as my reality and for it to feel right.

When you do have your second (or even now!), Sweetmere, it's okay and totally normal to think "I would have a ___ year old right now if things had been different. (If you hadn't had your mcs, if you'd gotten pregnant right away, etc.)" Don't get stuck in that place, but you don't have to be guilty over needing to process those thoughts and emotions!

 

[sweetmere]

Well said! I honestly am only *really* bitter over a couple of people and that is because of how rude they've been to me. My SIL (and I don't show it with her, I just go on and pretend she doesn't bug me with her comments) and a former friend. Both were awful to me after my losses. However, my SIL did apologize for one of the many things she said so I am beginning to wonder if she just doesn't realize how hurtful she can be! My ex friend just straight up told me she didn't care about my losses because she only worried about her baby (long story there...). So we aren't friends anymore.

Other than that, I do get sad at pregnancy announcements and I have hidden a few pregnant girls from Facebook because of constant complaining, but no actual hate towards them or anything like that. Just sadness. I am at that point where I just am amazed at how easy it is for some people! I think back at my pregnancy and I think...wow! I've been pregnant before, and it worked! How crazy. It just seems so impossible.

 

[nevernormal]

It's okay to be sad for yourself. My sister just had #2 (and her son is 1 month younger than mine). My SIL is about to have her first. Of course my friend due with her 4th. I can be happy for them but sad for myself at the same time.

And I do think people don't realize how hurtful things can be. I've been pretty open about our infertility with people that are close to it but that doesn't always mean they know what to say.

 

[MommaJayd]

Wow, that was a horrible thing for your ex friend to say! That makes me so angry for you!