I think I've lost my baby....

[Omi]

I went in for my first scan today and my worst fears have been confirmed. I should be 10 weeks but instead the baby is very tiny, more like 6 weeks and with no heartbeat... they said it could still be ok as its very difficult to see a heartbeat at that stage and they'll do another scan next week. But the thing is we havent had sex in that time so it cannot be 6 weeks.. i know its all over and im so upset!

all i can do is cry.. i called in to work and said i cannot come in cause i can barely hold it together.. im so gutted, so heartbroken i dont know what to do.... i know this happens to a lot of people, i just didnt think it could happen to me- i know, stupid!

i just wanna crawl into a big dark hole and not come out again! I turn 38 next month and this baby was everything to me. im afraid its going to be ages or maybe never and i cannot face that idea at all. Even walking home from the hospital and seeing pregnant women or small children made me wanna burst into tears..

I was so happy, no nausea no nothing but now im thinking i should have known all along, however my mum never had any pains or sickness either so i just assumed all was well.. Im just really, really said and upset

 

[ElliesMum]

Why dont you go to your doctor and ask for blood tests? This may put your mind at rest. Ihave been in the same situation and the waiting is awful i know. Have they told you to go back for another scan?

Be positive, thinking of you

 

[elles28]

I am so sorry but dont give up hope. Did they not test your hcg levels?

 

[Rumpskin]

Oh lovely, I am so very sorry for you.

We are all here for you if you need to come and chat.

Lots of love xxx

 

[Omi]

They havent taken any tests at all. first i had a normal scan and when they couldnt find anything there they did a vaginal one..but still no heartbeat and baby is way to small for the dates.

as i said before, there's no way i could be less far along and certainly not an entire month as no bedroom action to support this.. i just know know there is no hope.... the midwife did try to be hopeful but it was pretty apparent that its bad news.. worst thing is i now have to wait for a miscarriage to happen or similar.. im so gutted all i do is sit an cry To be certian ill have another vaginal scan next week and then go thru the options..

this is not a club anyone wants to be a part of and i just worry im running out of time.. with my age and all....

 

[Rumpskin]

Oh darling I am sorry. How old are you? I lost a little rumpskin in January at 36. It is never too late. There is still hope xx

 

[Omi]

I turn 38 next week and this was my first baby. we tried for 8 months and were overjoyed when i tested positive.

I know its normal and all but i just feel so stupid.. like I should have put more thought into this happening or something..

also, i know this sounds really silly or bad even; i know ill be v.happy if/when i get pregnant again but although this was the happiest time of my life i also dread having to go through it again as 1st trimester is so bloody boring (pls excuse the expression !!.. i was so looking forward to starting 2 trimester and be properly pregnant and now there's nothing..

I just wanted to add, thanks for all of your kind words and thoughs.. i havent told anyone yet.. ill probably call my mum soon, but its better talking to someone who knows how you feel. thanks again!!

 

[Rumpskin]

Oh Omi

I would have been 15 weeks this week. I try not to think about it too much as it would get me so down.

I know in my heart that I would not want to have my life without a baby and I will keep trying no matter what it takes.

Like I said in my message, our time will come. For me, it was not meant to be.

If you ever want to chat privately, please do.

I hope your OH is supporting you?

Sending you a hug lovely xx

 

[Omi]

Oh, thank you so much.. i guess i just have to try to think towards the future. Im sorry for your loss as well.. my OH is lovely and offered to come home with me but i knew id be a mess and he'd just be upset by seeing me so distressed. I asked him to come home from work as soon as he can so i guess we'll wallow in it together tonight

in the end ill be fine, i know. Its just having spent SOOOO much time thinking of nothing else- you know how crazy your mind gets when you find out you're pregnant, all the plans you make,etc..

I now dread having to talk about my private business to my boss, explaining the time off, hospital appointments etc.. what crap! Im sure she'll be nice about it but id rather not talk about it, you know.

But I agree, I will try again, sooner than later! As far as im concerned its my destiny to have a baby and I will never give up trying- so there!!!

 

[maddiwatts19]

Oh sweetheart!.
Bless you!. It is the worst feeling in the world.
I hope everything gets better.
sending you lots of hugs and love.
take care of yourself sweetie

xxxxx

 

[Mango]

Omi I just wanted to stop and send you hugs! I can't imagine how you feel but I hope you receive a blessing soon hun!

 

[suzan]

I am so sorry u r going thru all this
we are here for you hun

 

[Vickie]

So sorry to hear what you are going through

 

[Mynxie]

Just want to say that I'm thinking of you and here if you'd like to talk huni. I know that words seem empty at the moment and nothing anyone can say will make any difference, but we are here for you sweetheart and we are thinking of you xxxxxxx

 

[snowflake]

Hi Omi,

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through - I suffered a missed miscarriage nearly 4 weeks ago at 10 week and 2 days. When I went for my scan it showed the baby had died at 8 weeks and 3 days. Like you it would have been my first and I am 37, turning 38 later in the year but I just wanted to say to you that it WILL get better and it DOES get better. I bawled inconsolably for the first two weeks after I found out, I took 2 weeks off work too but now I am feeling very strong and very positive in myself and we have already started TTC again.

Hang in there Omi, it will get better.

 

[Omi]

Thanks for all the kind words and thought, its really helpfull!!!

I feel a bit better now, a few hours on having bawled my eyes out .. My main thought now is what to do next.. although I'll have an another scan next week I know (!) there's little hope and even the midwife said that is looks bad since i had a positive pregnancy test jan 7th so there's no way im only 6 weeks along.

My next question to you all then is, what to do next? I hate the feeling of having to wait for 'nature to take its course' as i'd like to move on as soon as possible and not to walk around with this dead baby inside of me and to still feel pregnant but not being pregnant. Should i opt for the operation and are there any side effects? Anyone have any advice?

 

[AppleBlossom]

I'm really sorry about your loss =[
hope you're ok

 

[Samo]

sorry to hear of your loss.

 

[Rumpskin]

It is up to you lovely what you decide. It is your decision and yours only.

Mine was a completed miscarriage and came away relatively quickly (sorry tmi).

Please do contact me privately if it helps.

Love to you xx

 

[coccyx]

So sorry you are having to go through this I have only ever had natural miscarriages so can not advise about a d/c. Try not to worry about your age, I'm 41 and have managed to conceive 4 times in past 5 years, so not too old. Take care