I will be bald by the time im 40 if i dont sort out my son!

[Quaint]

Hello I am a mom of three children, a 15 yr old son, 12 yr old son and an 8 yr old daughter. My eldest son chose to go back and live with his Dad in June this year and as much as it broke my heart i allowed him to go. I have been in a relationship since may 2007 so i cant consider myself a lone parent.
It is my middle son who is my major problem, he is quite simply a nightmare... everything he does aggravates and annoys... his attitude towards everyone totally stinks... he bully's his little sister so much it gets to the point that im questioning who is the 8 yr old!. I am not exaggerating, every single thing he does winds me up... i serve him his dinner and he looks on it like ive just placed a fresh turd in his lap... he speaks to me like i am something he has wiped off his shoe... he has zero respect for my partner who, like i said, has been in his life for nearly 2 years. Whenever i punish him, normally by banning him from the pc and ps3, he declares he will go and live with his Dad ( which i find amusing as when he is at his Dads he is phoning me repeatedly to collect him ).
I very rarely smack him as i just hate myself afterwards... but sometimes he gets me so angry i do give him a firm slap on his backside, occasionally a very slight tap on his mouth to shut him up.
I really am at my wits end, he never goes out, he has no friends so during school holidays and after school he just roams around the house looking for things to do to annoy me and his little sister.
He was playing snakes and ladders with her last night and if he couldnt go first he wasnt playing... if he couldnt have the blue counter he wasnt playing... if the dice never landed on the number he wanted it to he wasnt playing... and i was like "ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"... Honestly i could have throttled him lol.
The most annoying thing is when he has been told off within minutes he has forgotten all about it, when i am still boiling with anger at him, so then he is wondering why im "in a mood".
I sometimes wonder if i have brought this on myself as i have always been a pretty relaxed parent and i have never really made my children to regular chores, all i have ever wanted is to be treated with respect... however i have always treated my 3 children the same way si i do not understand why it is only my 12 year old who behaves this way.
This may sound like a harsh post... but it is an honest post... and i am looking for any advice be it simple or detailed as to how i can somehow regain a good relationship with my son.
I really do love him to bits deep down but his behaviour just makes the gap between us grow every day.
I also think if i hear the phrase "For God Sake!!!!!" one more time i will explode lol.

Any help... anything will do... im sure i cant be the only parent who is going through this... Thanks in advance

 

[louise1302]

i am having the same kind of trouble with my 10 yr old well hes almost 11,his dad is a waste of space and doesnt really bother with him, we even went to my brothers his father was there on xmas eve and he blanked his own son
i have a new husband who ive been with for 3 years and my son has no respect for him either he even will kick and punch his stepdad if he tries to discipline him(not smacking just telling off and sending him to his room)
he beats his 2 younger brothers on a regular basis they are 8 and 9 and trashes his room
ive even had to call the police recently because i found out he was stealing
i have however found 1 thing that seems to be working...when he starts either with his temper or his mouth i send him to the bathroom asnd shut the door i then completely ignore him and dont let him out(door not locked but each time he comes out i take his hand and take him back in without speaking) if he mouths off or starts tanting i sing(usually something repetitive like swing low sweet chariot or god save the queen)strangely it keep me calm
the first few time he sat in there kicking off for 2 hours before he calmed down and apologised now its 10 mins he sits there comes out and says sorry for whatever hes done and we forget it
i also try no matter how hard it is to reward anything good that he does(not with a treat just a well done son thats really nice) whether it something little like saying something nice to one of his brothers or making me a cuppa, hard when they push you so bad but bit by bit it gets through
hope this helps hun