I yelled at my son today :(

[Toms Mummy]

Like properly yelled, I made him sob uncontrollably and he looked really scared! I feel so awful! I very very rarely even shout at him let alone do this! He just really got to me! We went swimming and cried afterwards because we had to give the locker key back, he cried and refused to move so I walked off without him. He followed me crying still, and telling me he didn't like me. I tried to hold his hand but he wouldn't, I am trying to avoid carrying him as he's heavy and I'm pregnant. I finally managed to get him back to the car with him just crying and I just flipped I put him in the car a bit heavy handed and just yelled at him to shut up, he said he didn't like me and I told him I didn't like him either!! I yelled asking him why he is crying and why won't he shut up!!

After a few mins he stopped crying and we just sat there in silence for ages. I calmed down and apologised. I felt so so bad, I've never yelled like that before, my throat hurts!

I am not blaming being pregnant as I have not been affected by tiredness yet so can't be that. We were both getting hungry though.

I'm just worried I'll do it again! I need some help on how to control this! Please?

 

[isil]

honestly, I think you're just a normal mum and I have certainly shouted at my son before. I've always regretted it afterwards and tbh, I think if we were really bad parents, we wouldn't feel any kind of remorse.

My son was a non-tantruming 2 year old, but at 3 had a couple of tantrums (literally a couple!) that sound really similar to Tom's and I really just didn't know what to do! I hadn't experienced it before and I think once or twice I shouted like you did.

I think what might have helped is apologizing afterwards but also talking through what happened and why you got upset. I remember once my son was refusing to move, crying but for some random reason (I think it was the order of shops we'd been to or something daft). Getting him home was horrendous and I shouted at him and pretty much dragged him home. Eventually we did and I admitted that I was upset because I had just wanted to go into the shop and get some seeds to plant with him. He agreed that we'd go back out and get them. I felt quite embarrassed and concerned. Like I'd lost control. But although it might've happened one more time, it hasn't happened again.

 

[Toms Mummy]

Thank you

I think because I very rarely shout at him, this morning really took us both by surprise! I just worry that as I shouted at him yesterday too that this is the start of things to come! I really do not want to be that impatient, stressed out mother!

When does the random crying for no particular reason stop? I find Tom 3yr tantrums are way worse than his 2 yr ones. He seems to cry atleast once a day atm too, I think this is another reason I broke morning, it eventually just gets to you!

 

[isil]

My son will still burst into tears for no apparent reason if he's very tired. I don't know if it ever stops lol. I do think it's gets easier the closer they get to 4 though. He never tantrums now. If he cries he wants comfort because he's tired these days lol.

I don't think it's a sign of things to come - 3 is way more difficult than 2! I think the seed moment must've been when my son was about 3 1/2 too or just over (probably this time last year) because I'd have been planting seeds! It must be a difficult age!

 

[Toms Mummy]

Thanks Isil. I hope I don't lose it like I did again! I think I need to practice some calming techinques! x

 

[RachA]

It happens and it doesn't make us bad mummies. You will find that as your son gets older he will do things to try and make you loose your temper - he won't necessarily realise he's doing it deliberately either.
TBH it really won't affect your child horribly if you do loose it from time to time. Obviously it's better not to but don't beat yourself up over the occasional stress out. We are only human.

 

[hattiehippo]

Don't beat yourself up - it happens to pretty much everybody now and again. Sometimes they just push too many buttons and like RachA says sometimes they even do it deliberatley (though not that they realise they are if that make sense) but just to see what the reaction will be.

I totally lost it with Tom going to nursery a couple of weeks ago. He'd faffed around getting ready so we were already late and then he decided he wanted a book in the car but I gave him the wrong one which he then threw at me as I was reversing the car. I really, really shouted at him, he cried the whole way to nursery and I spent the whole day feeling shit. When I picked him up we had huge cuddles and I said sorry for shouting at him that morning.

I would love to say I will never ever shout at him again but I know this is unlikely. I have been trying hard to avoid getting as wound up with him but sometimes it is very hard.

 

[Toms Mummy]

Thank you

It is so very hard sometimes not to be wound up by them! I just feel so sorry for him as he is with me all day, I am there to protect him and love him but then I just yell at him and scare him!

Like you say hattie poo, I would love to say I am never going to yell at him again, i really hope I don't but I doubt it!

 

[RachA]

Thank you

It is so very hard sometimes not to be wound up by them! I just feel so sorry for him as he is with me all day, I am there to protect him and love him but then I just yell at him and scare him!

Like you say hattie poo, I would love to say I am never going to yell at him again, i really hope I don't but I doubt it! :(

just don't beat yourself up about it if you do

 

[Tilliepink]

I've often "lost control" and yelled at my son, and then felt like a terrible person after. I think it's just a normal part of being a mother. He won't remember on his wedding day.

 

[seoj]

If you find the magic wand- let us know! Honestly hun. I think most mom's (all I suspect) have lost it at one time or another. When outside factors are involved- like your tired, or hungry, or stressed etc... it puts us on edge and our breaking point is closer! My LO was crying one night- and just wouldn't stop. I tried everything to calm her down- and nothing was working and I was already SO stressed... life was really crazy at that point. And I finally just put her on the bed and yelled at her to please stop crying- I need a break!!!! Which, of course, just made her cry harder. I felt horrible- and then I just put her in her crib and left for a moment to take some deep breathes and calm myself down (at that moment, my hubby wasn't home to help).

All my friends have stories like this. We snap- we feel horrible- but we learn from that experience and try to remember it the next time. I'm not saying it won't happen again- but if we can learn our limits and know when we feel our blood boiling like that- then we can attempt to walk away or take a moment to breathe and hopefully remain more calm. Not always an easy task. As much as we LOVE and adore our children- they can certainly push us. My SD has done this more than once... LOL. She for sure taught me how to be more patient!

 

[Toms Mummy]

Thank you for replies! I like the thought of the fact that they won't remember the yelling on their wedding day ( Obviously if it is a rare occurance!).... I told my friend about it today and she said that she has done the same, which made me feel better as she is soooo chilled out!