I'm afraid of setting some rules for my in-laws when baby is born, but feel I NEED to

[Canuk1979]

Put up boundaries about labour and delivery because it will be easier to set boundaries when the baby gets here.

Also, in most places, grandparents have no legal rights when it comes to grandkids. It wouldn't hurt to remind your parents/in-laws of this if they overstep their bounds.

 

[Vickster1]

This is our first baby so i've not got experience with the in laws after the birth but they drive me crazy anyway so I can imagine they will be a pain. In the birth there will be just me and DH. I'd like it if my family and Dh's parents visited at some point the same day but I don't want people there very long or straight away.

We have boundary issues with MIL anyway if any of your have read my other posts you'd understand what I mean. Ie. Telling people our baby name an then not even apologising.

 

[calm81]

I've not read all the replies but I can totally relate to this.

I had my baby five days ago now and my Inlaws where at the hospital TWICE in one day, they then came to the house the day I got home. I was furious, they stayed ages and then tried coming the following day too!! I'd just had a c section so couldn't move barely and all I wanted to do was relax at home with my baby

If I was you I would certainly tell them how you feel, next time I have a baby I will be telling them no visiting till we are all settled.

I can't believe you had to deal with that after a c-section. I'm sorry, but the last thing I need is in-laws whom I'm not comfortable with seeing me at my most vulnerable. I can't fully relax when there's people around, even if they say "just relax and pretend we're not here," I just can't relax like that. I feel like I should be playing hostess with a fake smile when all I want to do is shower, cuddle my baby, and not worry about combing my hair and being out of pajamas. Like another poster said, I didn't have my voice with the last delivery, I sure built up a voice this time around and will make sure every one is clear of these things.

I just wish my husband was more understanding and supportive. He just gives me the sulky face,"you hate my family," no! I told my family the exact same thing. Grrr. I originally wanted my 3 year old son to stay at my parents during the time I go into labor, but he cried for his sister to watch him. *Pulls hair out*

Thanks ladies. I do feel better.

 

[swanxxsong]

As someone whose inlaws showed up at 1am after my 30+ hour labor with my DD, I don't think you're being bratty at all. I just wanted a shower and to rest and instead got slammed at the hospital for 90 minutes in the middle of the night, after having not slept for three days. I was not pleased and was probably not pleasant either

This time we're setting some ground rules to avoid overwhelming me, as I felt so swamped last time. So i think it's healthy to set boundaries.

 

[AP]

calm81, I completely feel for you. I banned my families for the first week, even then, my MIL turned up at my door. (I walked into my bedroom with baby and shut the door, I was fuming at the principal really)

In your shoes, I wouldn't even let them "take a peek", I get the feeling these type of people will take more than full advantage of that!

 

[calm81]

I have no choice but to let them "take a peek" because his side of the family and mine are both going to be on call when I go into labor, meaning, depending on what time I go into labor someone needs to take care of my 3 year old son. I want whoever is caring for my son to bring him into the hospital room so he can meet his new baby sister, then quickly go back home, haha. I don't expect anyone to miss work that day and everyone has different work hours. My mom works night time, his family works day time.


You ladies rock!

 

[Monzter79]

My MIL told me all about how she was going to be there as soon as LO was born, and she didn't care that she wouldn't be allowed to visit for a few hours (or more) after. I was very clear that I didn't want visitors until I was ready, but she ignored me pretty much.

THEN a few days ago she called up DH and was going on about how excited she is and said she wouldn't come to visit until we're ready, but asked that we let her know when I'm in labor. She called and mentioned the same to me. MmmmHmmm.... I don't think so. Lol

I don't trust her not to show up. I don't. She won't be able to eat or sleep, & she'll frazzle herself so bad... She shouldn't even trust herself not to show up, honestly.

I get it- it's really exciting for them. That's okay. But, some people need firm boundaries because they can't see past their own noses... Which means if you want to be HEARD, you have to get up in their face. Sad... But true.