I'm gonna freak out!!!

[Googiepie]

Warning, this may be a long rant!

Long story short, my ex and I broke up sometime last winter-ish. We didn't have much contact then. Recently, we started talking and he gave me all this promises about he'll help more with the girls, he'll help more with housework and he'll get stable employment. I took a bit to think about it and decided that maybe we can try being together. I mean, we have two kids together. Maybe it's better if we try. He didn't really have a stable place to live so I told him he could come live with us.

First week, everything was good. He played with the girls, helped out, cooked dinner.
Second week, things are slowly winding down. His idea of looking for work is if I sit down on the laptop and e-mail resumes out for him. So I did. He hasn't checked his e-mails or anything to see if any employers responded.
Third week, all he wants to do is nap! He doesn't get up at night with the girls. He doesn't get up in the morning with them...why on earth does he need to nap?!! His answer is he's bored and there's nothing to do. Are you kidding me?! There's TWO kids that would be so happy to have his attention. I try to talk to him and all I get is one word answers. I feel like I would have a better conversation with my two year old. I don't wanna make it seem like its all bad. He does help out with cooking but leaves a huge mess for me to clean. If I want him to help with the girls, I always have to ask. If I'm doing something, and one of the girls need a bum change. isn't it just common sense to just do it rather than wait for me to ask?
This week, he hasn't looked for employment. He is napping right now at 230pm. He woke up this morning grumpy that I didn't clean the mess my toddler made with a cupcake that HE gave her. Sorry I wasn't feeling well and went to bed. He'll bitch that I want to buy myself pop (I'm an addict lol) yet he'll go buy cigarettes without even telling me. He doesn't even have money for them, he takes it from me. I'm just sooo annoyed. Most of this is petty, but I can't help it!! I'm just becoming so unhappy. I feel like the only real reason he is here is because he doesn't really have anywhere else to go.

I'm sorry for the rant but I feel better getting it off my chest.

 

[hanni]

I'm so sorry but he sounds like a total loser! He's not a 16 yr old teenager, why is he acting like one? A decent father of 2 children shouldn't have time to be bored. He should be too busy looking for a job or looking after them.
I'd be kicking his bum straight back out before he gets too cosy.

I'm sorry he's such an ass

 

[staralfur]

I don't think any of that is petty. He's not acting like an adult and he's treating you very unfairly. You're not his mother, you shouldn't have to be proactive in finding him a job (heck, I don't even think teenagers looking for jobs rely on their mothers to send out resumes). Is the only reason you're interested in trying to make things work the fact that you have kids together? Because it doesn't really sound like he contributes in any positive way and that it's making you unhappy. If you can't rely on him and if he doesn't make you happy then your kids will eventually pick up on that and you'd all be better off if you guys weren't together.

If he's there because he doesn't have anywhere else to go then telling him to leave might force him to take some responsibility for himself. Or if you think there's any shred of hope that he can change without directly telling him to leave, at the very least I'd give him an ultimatum: step up and contribute or gtfo.

 

[Larkspur]

I feel like the only real reason he is here is because he doesn't really have anywhere else to go.

And I'd say you're right.

 

[HoneyBee144]

I'm so sorry but he sounds like a total loser! He's not a 16 yr old teenager, why is he acting like one? A decent father of 2 children shouldn't have time to be bored. He should be too busy looking for a job or looking after them.
I'd be kicking his bum straight back out before he gets too cosy.

I'm sorry he's such an ass

Absolutely what Hanni said. You and your girls deserve better than this

 

[AP]

He's clearly not trying hard enough to give this relationship a 2nd go. What a waster.

 

[MindUtopia]

If he's been like this in the past, I don't think it's realistic to move him back in and then expect him to change. Why would he change if he gets a roof over his head and money for cigarettes and time to nap and probably several good meals a day? If you two want to be together (honestly, it doesn't really sound like you want to), then I would expect him to do all those things first, including getting a good job and keeping it, and being actively involved in parenting (including getting up during the night, getting up with your girls in the morning when he spends time with them, cleaning up after them, etc.). Then maybe you might consider talking about where you take your relationship once he proves himself. It's not fair to your girls that he can be a leech and take money away that should be spent on you three as a family and that he can come and cause disruption and stress in your home while he gets a free ride. I'd be inclined to ask him to move out and tell him to get himself sorted and when he does, then you can discuss what you do with your relationship.