I'm happy, slightly disappointed grandmother to be :(

[Firestar]

Found out on 2nd January that I'm having a boy. I'm secretly over the moon (would have been equally happy with a girl, but if pushed to make a choice, a son was my preference).

This is the first grandchild for all four grandparents - both grandads are delighted, and I believed my boyfriends mum when she said yesterday that a girl would have been nice on one hand (she had 3 sons, no daughter), but she honestly adores the idea of a grandson as boys are great fun (I would agree).

My mum........ she is overjoyed to finally have a long awaited grandchild on the way, but ever since I told her I'm pregnant, she has hinted that, push come to shove, she'd love a granddaughter. She IS delighted that above all, the 20 week scan revealed that everything appears fine, however I know my mum inside out, and I know that she feels slightly disappointed that she will have a grandson rather than a granddaughter.

Matters haven't been helped in that yesterday she learned that the fiancee of a colleague of hers who is due the day before me and will be in the same hospital will be having a daughter, and I could pick up on slight undercurrents last night on the phone of "they got a girl, why didn't I?"

I guess my big worry is that if either my brother or myself have a daughter in the future she will subconsciously give off favoritism vibes/cues. I have no doubt she will adore my son, but I worry if she subsequently gets the granddaughter she is desperate for that she will give something away around preference.

 

[Pearls18]

Aww hun I really wouldn’t worry. My mum was definitely expecting me to have a girl, I think because she had a girl first, she never found out the gender with me (as she couldn’t in the 1980s!) so I think for her the process of finding out I was having a boy was very weird, and very anti-climatic. She never said anything to me (other than she was expecting it to be a girl) but I think she was disappointed, she has always said to me (before having DS) how she loved having a girl first so she could relax as she had ‘her daughter’ if this makes sense. But my goodness soon as DS was born he was the apple of her eye right away, hand on heart I know she wouldn’t change him for the world and since having him she’s totally changed her attitude and says things like “boys are much more loving you know, you were never like that with me” (I have a brother too). I think she wants me to have a girl for me because she knows how desperate I am to have a girl, but now he’s here there is not a shred of disappointment. So my point is don’t panic now, she isn;t carrying him so she isn’t really bonding yet, soon as she holds HER grandchild I do think she will change. I do feel a pressure to have a girl before my brother too just because as the eldest I feel it’s my job lol...but I’m not worried she’d love their daughter more, in fact I know I shouldn’t say such a thing but I can;t ever imagine any child comparing to my DS to my mum I think he’ll always secretly be her favourite being the first, but she won’t let it show! So don’t panic yet

 

[Firestar]

Thanks for the reply - definitely reassuring, particularly as I'm in virtually the same situation, female and the oldest with a younger brother
I'm sure she'll be fine - I read your reply on my mobile when I was at my parents house, and got the courage up to broach things with her. She was honest and did say that initially, yes, a granddaughter was the preference, but since she found out two days ago that she will have a grandson, she's got used to the idea and is pretty excited. I know she'll adore him when he arrives, I guess I needed reassurance, and between talking to her and reading your reply, I do feel much better about it all

 

[BabyCleo]

Sounds like my mum. I had told her ive always wanted a boy, but i got this cold silence on the other end - she wants a granddaughter! Dont worry what she thinks, im happy you are happy which is the most important part! When that boy comes into the world she will love him just the same, im sure of it.

 

[confused87com]

my mil made it obvious she wanted a granddaughter, my sil was trying to get pregnant and my mil was already buying pink! when i got pregnant first she seemd to think it was wrong because we had only just got married and fell preg straight away. i suppose she felt bad for my sil, but then she was convinced it was a girl and the pink buying continued! when we found out it was a michael she continued to buy pink and said my sil would have the girl...well she had a boy too! the pink buyin continued and now she has someone to dress in it! however obvious she was about wanting a granddaughter she has been v good and dotes on my son, so im sure your mum will be fine as she isnt obviously showing her disappointment like my mil did!