I'm having an awful day.

[joo]

I have always had a preference for girls but didn't actually think I would be bothered if I ended up having a boy. I have a beautiful DD already and have loved raising her. It took us over a year to conceive #2 and we also had a mc in the summer so I was over the moon to finally be pregnant again. I think I had convinced myself early on I was probably having a boy but over time I realised I really, really wanted another girl. I picked out a boys name I love which helped a bit.

Had my scan this week and found out we're having a boy and I have had to keep my emotions to myself because we have been staying at in laws house. First day back home today and I cleared through all of DD's baby clothes to see what is unisex and to sell/donate the rest. I have 6 big bags full of all her clothes from newborn to 18-24m and then one small bag of my absolute favourites that I plan to keep for if we ever do have another girl in the future or to make one of those memory bears from. My gosh it has been so painful and I have just cried all day I feel like when you have to clear out a persons wardrobe when they have passed - it's really a strong feeling of grief

I think I am just having a massive crash because I have been trying to keep it together in front of everyone, feeling guilty because all I can see is OH's proud face when we found out it's a boy and then his upset face later when he kept saying how disappointed I was, and seeing the last almost 3 years of my DD's wardrobe reduced to a small bag of stuff to keep when I had imagined reusing it all over again. I can't bring myself to even look at clothes or go shopping, I just have no interest yet. I have even been thinking how I can't be bothered to breastfeed this time, which is just crazy because I am a breastfeeding peer supporter and I breastfed my daughter for 34 months so I know all to well the benefits and importance and the amazing bond that comes with it. I guess it's also because before the scan there was still a chance the tech would tell us it's a girl. I keep daydreaming about being handed the baby after the birth and them saying she's a girl and what a lovely surprise.

I am seeing my MW in about 7 weeks so I am thinking of asking her to refer me for some counselling. I was going to do it at my 16 week appointment but that week I had started to feel a bit better about it. I know the main culprit is hormones and also guilt but all along I have been really counting on that bond at birth and that I'll fall in love with him etc. just having a bad day so wanted to sound it out on here xx

 

[Rhiannon137]

I'm so sorry you're struggling. I recently made a very similar post in the opposite direction. I have a son, really wanted another, and learned that I am having a girl. I was (and still am) very apprehensive about loving and bonding with a daughter, but have made a lot of mental progress in just the last week or so since finding out.

It started with one thought that kind of randomly popped into my head a few days after learning the gender: my son is not going to be displaced from his spot as the single most special little boy in the world. That made me feel really good, and ready to start thinking about a different kind of bond with the new baby. I think you should give yourself a few quiet days to get your head around the idea of a son, and don't beat yourself up about your feelings.

I also need to do the wardrobe clear out that you just accomplished and I'm not looking forward to it. I did go out and buy one little dress to start getting used to the idea and I hung it in my bedroom. Of course my husband, who was previously super into the idea of a girl, is now freaking about the reality. Men...

 

[joo]

Thank you for your reply. My OH ran me a bath when he got home from work and I have felt better this evening. I think going through the clothes has been the hardest bit and now it's done and I've managed to release some of the emotions I've been bottling up by having a good cry it's helped a lot. I am really hoping that in a few days I will have got it all out and can get on with bonding and getting excited!

 

[lexey_7]

I'm sorry I know exactly how you must be feeling. I've got a daughter and found out a few months ago this baby is a boy (even though deep down I already knew) and was in an awful place.
At that moment I just didn't want him, didn't want to do his room or think of names or buy stuff, had no interest in breastfeeding him but I couldn't imagine even wanting to love a boy. I felt so sorry for my husband because he was so excited and I knew I was ruining it all for him but I just couldn't help it.
Then suddenly a few weeks after I was just ok, it's really strange I went from hating everything about the pregnancy to being excited again. I brought some clothes and his pushchair and thought of a name and am looking forward to meeting him which at the time I'd have thought was never going to happen.

We started going through my daughters baby things last week and it did break my heart a little there's lots of things that were too special to part with ice kept all her grows to make a blanket and anything special and I bagged up some to give away. When the lady came (who's due a little girl this week) she was so pleased with the stuff and o didn't feel jealous or bitter like I'd expected I felt happy to think another little girl would enjoy them so I went and got some more I'd been hoarding to see if she wanted that too.

I'll admit it isn't as exciting this time, it seems to go much faster and I'm buying a lot second hand I don't have as much interest but that might just be because it's my second. But when people told me I would feel ok and it would pass I didn't want to believe them because I didn't want to really accept I wasn't having another little girl.
But I really do think you'll be just the same over the next few weeks suddenly you won't feel sad anymore and you'll look forward to him arriving. My husband is so happy because I ask him to feel him kick where before I'd feel disgusted when he moved it really was an awful place to be in but in a few short months it's nearly gone
Massive hugs this really will get better, the disappointment will fade and your daughter will always be your most special girly Xxx