I'm having troube acceping my mc. long, sorry UPDATE

[mammag]

I know it sounds crazy but i am still holding on. and i shouldn't be. my levels were only 6 two days ago. and i'm waiting for my results of from yesterday. and i'm not stupid, i know 6 at 5+3 is a definite mc. i'm also still bleeding heavily. so in my head, i know that the baby is gone. but i just can't make my heart accept it. i don't know how to talk myself into the fact that this pregnancy just didn't work out. it's strange, because i felt fine yesterday. and then this morning i woke up. and i can't believe the way that i feel. how did you accept it. did you just take the doctors word, or did it take time. i'm also blaming myself a little, because i never felt like this pregnancy would last. which is not common for me. i've had 4 m/c but the other ones were unplanned, not unwanted just unplanned. and i was fairly young. and they were with my previous husband who i hadn't loved in a long time. but this time, i'm madly in love with my husband. we have two beautiful boys, and we had been trying for this baby for a long time. maybe that is what is making the difference. even though i can admit that the feeling i had when i got pregnant with my boys was much different than the feeling i had with all of my losses. i just never felt like they were going to end happily. i don't know how to explain it. anyway i'm sorry to ramble. the point is, DH told me that that was no way to think when your trying to have a baby and i can't shake those words. ugggggg

please share. i need some encouragement.

 

[Sara-Rose89]

oh hunni i'm so sorry for your loss

when i lost my angel at first i thought someone must have made a mistake and kept imagining that i would find out my babys heart hadn't stopped and the lady who did my scan had made a mistake, i think its only to natural think these things.

after my d&c as horrible as it sounds i started to feel better, not happy, but like i could finally grieve.

i still cry sometimes and still have bad days, but for me time really has been a healer

i'm here if you need to talk hunni just pm me xxxxx


love sara xxx

 

[Omi]

Sorry for your losses hun!

I know what you mean about feeling guilty- but you shouldn't. I too just knew something was wrong with my last pg and i too was told by my oh and my mum to stop being so negative. I wasnt, however, i just simply knew, as a mother/woman does.

I think as far as feeling the way you do...its normal and natural. Its still early days and in a way its a shock no matter how you have felt througout this pg. It takes time, sweetheart...

Personally i knew it was over as soon as i was told it had no heartbeat, was too small for its size etc etc...when i started having cramps and was bleeding like a seive...

My godsend has been a d&c each time. It has made me able to move on and concentrate on ttc again. That does not mean however the sadness doesnt rear its ugly head from time to time..but i try to focus on the good stuff in my life and the future and on what i can change.

Its not easy and it can be difficult. My advice would be to try to accept it as best you can. Feel what you need to feel, accept every emotion. Be kind to yourself and eachother..indulge yourself. Get something nice to eat, to drink...have a duvet day on the sofa and get lots of cuddles.

You will get through this and you are most defenitely not alone in feeling how you do.

Take care, hun!

, Omi xxx

 

[mammag]

i loved your response omi. that's what i was trying to explain to OH that i was not being negative. and i was not really stressing while i was pregnant. i just knew. to tell the truth the night before the m/c i made the plans for going to the hospital the next day, and what i would do with the boys, and how i would tell my husband. and it wasn't a morbid thought it was just planning. i just knew. and sure enough, as soon as i woke up and went to the toilet the next morning, i started bleeding. i called DH in, and told him that i was losing the baby. i was hysterical, all the planning in the world cannot prepare you for the actual event. but i was not surprised. and i knew it was over. it broke my heart when my husband texted me from the waiting room and instructed me to 'pray for our baby'

i know i'll get through this, and i thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of your support. DH has to go out of town tomorrow and i'll be all alone with my thoughts. which i hope are more positive by then.

 

[mammag]

Well my OB just called to check on me, and to inform me that my levels were now at 3 so the little bit of hope, which i knew was pointless, that maybe the baby was ok is gone. i guess now, i can go on and accept this loss and start thinking about preparing for ttc again. i don't know how i feel about that. it took 9 months to conceive this baby. and i finally thought it was over. and now it's beginning again. but i guess things could be worse. i didn't have to have a d&c so i don't have to wait as long to start trying again. i just wish i would stop bleeding. i'm tired of looking at it. tired of thinking about it. DH is out of town, and won't be back until friday (i hope) i'm being a real downer i know. i'm not like this in person. everyone in my real life thinks that i'm handling this like a, well i don't know what, but they think i'm handling it better than i am. all of you are in my thoughts and prayers. and i'm sorry for your losses, truly sorry. i wish no one would ever have to go through one. here's to a new day (and a new cycle )

 

[Meli]

hi hun... let yourself grief if you need you feel to and dont worry about being a downer. This is such a hard experience. It will get better... lots of love!

 

[pinkgem100]

im so sorry for your loss. Like others on here i also found it hard to except that my babies heart had stopped beating, i would try to convince myself that it had all been a nightmare and everything was fine. I was 20weeks when i lost Harry and even after going in to hospital and giving birth i still hoped that everything was ok. It takes time it has been just over 2 months that i lost Harry and i still wake up sometimes and put my hand where my bump should be and then i have to remind myself that he is gone..

You just need to give yourself time, and let your self greive. xx