im not coping!

[makeithappen]

mother in law just rang to bring more good news.....another family member is pregnant! does no one realise my heart is breaking?!

i dont know if i can handle this anymore! i should be getting ready for the best day of my life in march, sat here with a 6 months preg belly. instead i feel the worse ive ever felt. never been this sad ever.

sorry girls for bringing the christms mood down. i just needed to get this off my chest.

 

[Nise]

Awe, sorry you're feeling so down, hun. I can completely understand how the 'good news' is very distressing for you. I just had a look at the first page of your journal and it would seem you've been ttc for just under a year. I know this feels like an age (I've been ttc for a longer time following a missed MC) but please don't loose hope, a year or even 2 is not uncommon in this day and age. Have you had any tests done to see if you are battling something that might be fairly easy to combat?

About 3 months ago I started acupuncture and Chinese medicine and made a conscious effort to take the pressure off (I was always thinking I have to get pg this month which only makes for a stressful existence, not to mention wishing ones life away from one 2ww to the next - all the fun seemed to have gone, and I knew this state of mind wasn't helping.) - instead I decided to set myself a 6 month plan, which I feel really helped me to relax a little, I am so much more happier in myself. Good luck hun, I hope the New Year brings you a new batch of PMA and a BFP before much longer.

 

[makeithappen]

i havent had any tests done or anything yet. i assume i can get pregnant as i got my back in july but sadly ended in mmc. so im hoping that i will see another someday in the not so distant future.

just ordered myself some EPO & preconception supplements & ordered DH wellman conception supplement! im prepared to do anything to get preg! everyday i wake up i try to get my PMA in action but something that is said or someone that i see that day, brings it all back down! i hate feeling like this. i am usually the life & soul of the party....anyone who doesnt know any better would say i still am. but when im on my own i just fall to pieces! i wish i could change how i feel, i want to feel happy & positive again!

 

[elixir]

girl, hang in there! i know the feeling, my fourth month ttc, i was so hopeful and i know i can feel cramps in my lower belly and thighs and i know AF will show up tom.and i want 2 bawl my eyes out. but thats not helping anyone, OH gets pissed of when i stress like ths so concsiously trying 2 stay positive. it will work out for u soon!!!!baby dust

 

[ellaandcallum]

Hunnie, I feel the same. Actually about half an hour ago I had a little cry to myself. I am on cycle 5 now and I am getting very frustrated and upset about the whole situation. My BF is pregnant and totally unsympathetic, 2 of my other friends are pregnant, my nephew is expecting, my sister and other nephew have just had babies and I feel so sad. I even thought I had done it this month as I had a faint line on a FRER, but all other tests were negative and then Xmas day AF came. I was gutted I really thought it had finally happened. My DH doesnt have a particularly high sex drive either so BD can sometimes lead to arguments and lots of frustration my end.

I really hope we both get our BFP's soon as I dont know how much more I can take of TTC, I feel so empty at times it is heartbreaking. xxxxx

 

[makeithappen]

its so horrible to feel like this, sometimes i feel like no one understands! its probably my fault because i always pretend everything is fine & nothing bothers me....infact im on the brink of exploding in to tears almost every minute of everyday! im hoping it passes soon & i feel some sort of normality. im glad im not alone tho! thanks for your replies girls

 

[ellaandcallum]

I'm like that too, always putting on a brave face and pretending everything is OK when it most definately is not! Mine wont pass, I am getting worse, its things like BF's scan piccie, holding my nephews, seeing BFP's on here that just reduce me to tears but this will only happen when I am on my own, so everyone thinks I am OK. I pray to God I get my BFP soon, it is miserable and I really thought it would be quicker, my son took 3 cycles, now with my 3rd I am onto the bloody 5th! xx

 

[Deb111]

I can really sympathise with you - I know 7 couples at the moment who have either just had a baby or are expecting theirs in the next few weeks. It's killing me. My hubby doesn't see why other people having babies is such an issue for me - of course I'm thrilled for them, but it's like rubbing salt in the wound. I have spent a lot of today in tears My next door neighbour has just had a baby - 10 days old now - and seeing her putting him in the car or hearing crying sometimes from the other side of our wall is just too much.

I seem to spend my whole life being anxious - either about when I'm about to ov or 2WW or distraught when I get BFN

 

[a_c]

Hang on in there and also don't hide your feelings too much. I'd tell my mil how I feel or get my husband too so that they are more sensistive!

 

[ellaandcallum]

Its really depressing, like you girls my 2ww is spent obsessing and wondering if I am or not and then BD during ovulation becomes stressful as DH gets tired from work. I have just been speaking to my BF and she is 20 weeks and she was going on about the baby and I just cant find it in me at the moment to be happy for her, she has got what I havent and I am struggling with this and she does not understand and its not something I can talk to her about. Lets hope we get our BFP's soon before we end up in the funny farm!lol!xx

 

[hitchinite]

Hi EllaandCallum,
I always seem to bump into you on this forum- it seems like we are having similar experiences and sharing similar sentiments. I am feeling so utterly despairing about this TTC venture. Now on cycle 5 - just like you. I have started to convince myself that I have developed endometriosis - this is mainly based on many years of heavy painful periods and more recently am having brown spotting for 3-4 days prior to period starting- apparantly a symptom associated with endometriosis. I come from a fertile family and have nurtured a maternal instinct since I was a teenager- am now 33!! I only recently married my long term boyfriend- we have had to wait a long time to start trying- circumstances meant we were unable to tie the knot earlier.
I have started to lose interest in socialising as it feels like everyone is waiting for me to announce something. Its a really awful state to be in and I know I need to snap out of it.
Someone mentioned chinese medicine and acupuncture as methods to enhance relaxation and am thinking of exploring these.
Please keep me updated re your news.... fingers crossed for both of us..
xxxx

 

[TaeBoMama]

mother in law just rang to bring more good news.....another family member is pregnant! does no one realise my heart is breaking?!

i dont know if i can handle this anymore! i should be getting ready for the best day of my life in march, sat here with a 6 months preg belly. instead i feel the worse ive ever felt. never been this sad ever.

sorry girls for bringing the christms mood down. i just needed to get this off my chest.

I know that it's hard to remain positive and patient, but the numbers are on your side: 90% of couples experience pregnancy within 18 months.

Who wants to wait that long?...I know. But because you've conceived fairly recently (I'm so sorry for your loss), it's likely that nothing is wrong, and only patience is needed. Easier said than done.

I see you're going to try EPO. I just started using it and I think it helps. I also started Robistussin.

I love your Smile avatar...whenever I'm down I listen to MJ singing it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iu-rLA4POkI

Good luck!

 

[ellaandcallum]

Hi EllaandCallum,
I always seem to bump into you on this forum- it seems like we are having similar experiences and sharing similar sentiments. I am feeling so utterly despairing about this TTC venture. Now on cycle 5 - just like you. I have started to convince myself that I have developed endometriosis - this is mainly based on many years of heavy painful periods and more recently am having brown spotting for 3-4 days prior to period starting- apparantly a symptom associated with endometriosis. I come from a fertile family and have nurtured a maternal instinct since I was a teenager- am now 33!! I only recently married my long term boyfriend- we have had to wait a long time to start trying- circumstances meant we were unable to tie the knot earlier.
I have started to lose interest in socialising as it feels like everyone is waiting for me to announce something. Its a really awful state to be in and I know I need to snap out of it.
Someone mentioned chinese medicine and acupuncture as methods to enhance relaxation and am thinking of exploring these.
Please keep me updated re your news.... fingers crossed for both of us..
xxxx

Hi hun

You are my age too, my birthday is soon, we probably know each other!!!lol!!!! What school did you go to??? I went to Highfield and have family on Purwell!!! Anyway back to TTC, thank you for your friend request, I need to snap out of my thoughts, it is just rubbing off on other people and I am snappy at the kids, which I dont want to do. I cant face some people at the moment, its too in my face when it comes to babies at the minute, as everyone around me has them or are pregnant!!!!!

I might start taking multi vitamins as some of the vitamins in them are meant to help, I am willing to try anything now. I thought I had developed the endo thing this month as my AF was terrible, I was in soooo much pain and if the docs had been open I would of been there!!lol!!!

Anyway I better run, catch up with you later.xxxx

 

[Mummylou23]

hunni im so sorry your feeling like this i know what its like wishing for the bfp to come and af comes in stead ive been there for 4yrs until i got my bfp with my son last yr, my thoughts are with you and i will be keeping an eye out for when you get ur bfp hunni. my dp doesnt have a very high sex drive either ella so its some times hard to get him in the mood as they say,

 

[Dolly.]

Hunny, I feel exactly the same as you, we have been actively trying for 7 months and also had mmc back in Feb.

I'm very emotional and have to stop myself from crying nearly everyday, not just over ttc but over simple, small things too.

I also know pregnant people and it kills me to hear about them even though I know I should be happy for them. It feels like someone rubbling salt in to a very sore wound.

I don't know how to change my feelings and moods, I guess the only thing that will cure me is a bump.

I know my post is not helpful but just wanted to let you know you're not alone and I know exactly how you feel xx

 

[x-ginge-x]

Hi, I have been trying to conceive our first baby since october 2008 so 14 months now and had a 'chemical pregnancy' in september and am currently waiting for AF, was due today and no show and I know how you feel about everyone else getting pregnant, I have watched everyone else have babies and including someone who knew if she had another baby they would take it away just like her first baby and shes had a girl and they have taken it away from her! Why can these people get pregnant but not us

Babydust by the skip load to everyone!

 

[My bump]

Ahh huni i'm so sorry your feeling like this!! I wish I could make it all better for you! It's so sad that you lost your lil one, and theres no reason why you can't get pregnant again, it's just a matter of when it will happen for you.

Why dont you give yourself a break from thinking about it too much, I know that sounds impossible though. Or give yourself a year or 6months time limit to get pregnant and see if that longer period of looking at it focuses you a bit better on the long run?!

Sorry if my advice is no good just wanted to try and help, it'so hard when you want a baby as it's the one thing you just cant buy! Lots of luck for your next few cycles sweetie,lets hope you only need luck for one cycle!!
xxxxxxx

 

[WannaB]

Awww you poor thing! I can totally empathise with you hun! I was surrounded by new bubs and pregnant ladies on boxing day, even the dog was pregnant as well at one mates place we went too, including his Mrs who announced her pregnancy the day I mc'ed, so I was a freakin mess to say the least! Along with one other insensitive women who knew we had mced and said to me "I dont know why you want to go through that all again, midnight feeds and nappy changes. You are better of not having anymore!". Nice support lady! A sorry would have been alot nicer! I take comfort that there are all these supportive ladies here to pick me back up and that there is always hope on the horizon!

 

[lori]

I hope you're feeling better makeithappen. I'm in a similar position. I've been bawling all through the holidays because I keep thinking about how I'm supposed to be 19 weeks pregnant and so happy. Supposed to. I hate that word. Instead, I'm putting on a brave face while I hear about pregnant relatives and go to work every day to look after other people's babies. It's sickening. To top it all off, instead of going for my 20 week ultrasound right around this time, I have to go for a pelvic ultrasound because I'm still having pain. Hang in there. I wish I had something more supportive to say, just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

 

[makeithappen]

just want to say thanks to each & every one of you for taking the time to pass on a few supportive words to me, you really dont know how much it means. i put in a rough night last night, spent most of it crying or trying my best not to cry! its horrible that we all have to go through this waiting, hoping & thinking way toooo much.

we were supposed to go to my DH aunts on boxing night but we made our excuses not to go cos we hadnt been in our own house all christmas & just fancied relaxing. so wen MIL rang yesterday to tell me that her nephews wife was expecting it wasnt so much the news of the pregnancy that got to me but more of how she put it...it went something like this...''david (her nephew & father to be) wasnt going to announce it if you two had been there but i just told him its fantastic news & needed a big announcement & that you wouldnt care anyway your over the whole thing, it doent annoy you'' i was speechless! ive spoken to DH & hes so angry at her so hes going to speak to her & tell her that im struggling more now than ever & not to keep talking about other peoples pregnancies (cos she does this quite alot), its not that we're not happy for them its just hard to hear someone has someting we'd gave anything to have.