I'm not sad, I'm ANGRY!

[Wish2BMom]

I'm sorry, I just need to vent for a second and I think that some of you will understand!

There's so much preparation for even getting the timing right - you eat and drink the right things, stop eating/drinking the wrong things, set alarm to wake up at the same ungodly time every morning to take your temps (under the covers b/c the stupid thermometer beeps loud enough to wake up the house and you don't want to annoy/wake DH), pee on sticks, HOLD your pee so you have the RIGHT pee for the stick, assess fluids exiting your body that you're prefer to ignore, stick your finger in places you'd prefer not to (does it feel like a nose or lips? how many knuckles deep am I?), tell/suggest DH that you have a BD 'schedule' to go by and it's regimented for a week and a half......
then your body goes and doesn't O??? DOESN'T O??? I did everything on my part!! why can't my ovary do its part??

I'm cd20, already got my Peak on OPK on 2/17, back to negative on 2/19. I had to finagle a temp drop yesterday so I'm not even sure it really happened (calculated what it would have been if I took my temp when I first woke up 45 mins before I took it) and didn't have a spike today.

I am convinced that the first TWW of the month is worse than the 2nd. All that preparation and I'm going to get AF no matter what.
This is only our 2nd cycle of really watching things and I hope it's a fluke but I need to watch for a few more months to see if it's a faulty ovary. I'm 38 and I don't feel I have that luxury of time to try to see a pattern.

anyway - I'm sorry for the rant. I'm just cranky now. Thank you for reading, even if you don't want to respond!

 

[cutieq]

Feeling your similar pains this morning! Had 2 BFP's last week, now I'm getting negatives! Is it too much to ask our bodies to just be normal?! I haven't had booze for a week! Why not just be negative and let me live!! I don't deal with grey areas!!

 

[Wish2BMom]

Feeling your similar pains this morning! Had 2 BFP's last week, now I'm getting negatives! Is it too much to ask our bodies to just be normal?! I haven't had booze for a week! Why not just be negative and let me live!! I don't deal with grey areas!!

oh man, cutieq - I'm so sorry - that's way worse to go through all of this, O, get BFPs and THEN negatives! I don't deal with grey areas either, apparently! At least not with this!!

 

[curiousowl]

Yes! I completely understand. It's so frustrating. I just keep thinking, I did everything right this cycle and yet I have zero shot because my stupid body couldn't get it together. It's the worst! At least if you actually O you have SOME sort of chance. Sigh. Hoping next cycle is better for both of us.

 

[Wish2BMom]

thanks, curiousowl!! cheers to next month!

 

[baby_rose]

Girls im with u ughhhhhh this isn't cool we gatta try so hard and all for nothing im on my 3rd cycle ttc and oncd31 of what used to b 30 day cycles im really doubt full for this cycle yet stupid af hasn't shown her face ive.gotten two bfn so im convinced i just want this cycle over with and my nipples to stop hurting and giving me false hope

 

[PeanutWhereRU]

Aww bless you all. I am the same boat. I posted on another forum but no one has replied to me im being impatient lol

 

[PeanutWhereRU]

Hey ladies I might sound insane but bare with me.

so this month me and hubby were doing everything to the t. He was taking vitamins to boost his swimmers whilst I was on the preeseed and opks. I assume to take ovulated between 15-16 feb and on day 19 I started light spotting.*

I burst out crying like a baby and threw a tantrum as I was so annoyed to have believed to have started my period 10 days early and screwed up the while timings for the cycle.*

I started reading up on implantation bleeding and think this may be it. It can't be a chemical pregnancy or a miscarriage as its just way too early right?*

My bleeding started light then yesterday I had another tantrum and cry as I genuinely thought it's AF and now this morning it was less. Im confused, emotional, lost and have accepted this is not my month.

I have had extremely bad lower back pain. I usually get extremely sore breasts just after O but I'm again confused and lost as they have gone through no change.*

As I sit on my train journey home (half day, yay) I feel slight cramps and bloating.*

Sorry for the long rant. If my future baby is anything like me I won't be able to cope with the crying and tantrums lol

good luck to all of you x

 

[Wish2BMom]

yeah - it's super annoying. I've gone from being pi$$ed now to just irritated. But I know there's nothing I can do. I've read a ton on anovulatory cycles between yesterday and today now and it helps a little. I'm not even holding out hope that I'll ovulate late b/c my AF is never late and I guess if you ovulate late, your AF will be later b/c of the luteal phase it has to have (**unless you have a luteal phase defect, which just causes short LPs! UGH!)
so - just considering myself out this month and I'll be super curious if AF doesn't show on 3/2.
it does help knowing I'm not alone, though, girls! thank you for posting!

 

[Wish2BMom]

peanut - I hear ya, girl!! Though many women have posted thinking AF was coming with all the cramping and bloating and they got a BFP. It ain't over til the witch shows her full colors!! what dpo are you and when is your AF due?

 

[PeanutWhereRU]

My AF is due in 9 days. I can't accept my AF has come after 24 days, something is clearly mistaken. My average cycle is anywhere between 31-35

I am 7 dpo.. my AF Is more like spotting. Nothing like my normal but nothing as little as implantation bleeding so they say.