I'm not sure I want to nurse on demand anymore

[Marie000]

Lo is 13 months old and she does not nurse very often anymore. She nurses first thing in the morning and before bed. She also usually nurses at other times during the day (before naps especially) but if she is distracted or busy, she is fine not nursing.

I have always nursed on demand, but now I am not sure how to do it, or if I even want to do it anymore.

My concerns are:
- It's not clear when she wants to nurse. She is able to express some of her wants clearly (when she wants music, or wants to be picked up) but she doesn't clearly ask for nursing. I don't know if it's because of a lack of communication or because she doesn't care that much about nursing.

- The only way she sometimes uses to show she wants to nurse is putting her hand down my shirt. I hate that. I don't want to "reward" that behavior so I take her hand out and try to distract her with something else.

- After a year spent with a baby full time with barely any breaks, I find that I really need my space. I don't think I am really cut out for nursing on demand.

On the other hand, I am worried about having scheduled feedings. The easiest thing would be to nurse her in the morning, before naps and before bed. At other times, I could offer snacks instead. I think she would accept that well. However, I am worried about what will happen when I want to drop a feed or stop nursing completely. Would it be harder if it has become part of a routine?

Not sure what I should do.

 

[MommyJogger]

It sounds like she's not interested in nursing very often anymore. I think if you solved the other two things that are bothering you, you might find things a lot easier and be happy continuing since you'd be feeding so infrequently. At this age, I wouldn't worry that much about "not rewarding" the behavior. It really doesn't work as well to teach them 'not' to do something as it does to teach them to 'do something else instead'. Have you considered teaching her a milk cue? The sign for milk is to hold your hand out and clench/unclench like you're milking a cow, lol. DS raises a hand in the air and makes a fist/open hand/fist/open hand to sign that he'd like to nurse. When you think she would like to nurse, give the sign while asking "Would you like to nurse?" and then offer the breast. Once she picks it up, she'll be able to clearly communicate it and you'll be able to sign it to her so she can turn you down with a head shake if she doesn't want it.
Can't help with your questions about weaning, but depending on how long you'd be willing to nurse first/last thing, it might not be an issue anyway. Or if she's willing to go to bed and wake up with your partner instead of you, you could do that a while until she's out of the habit of nursing during the time you want to drop a feed.

 

[NoodleSnack]

Do you have a time frame in mind as to when you want to stop? If it's over two years, I would do it at nap times, before or after, so that you'll drop the feedings with her naps. At her age, she should have around 4 feeds, so that sounds about right.

 

[Flake-y]

Yeah my lo was the same at that age, morning & before bed, in between times he was just too interested in playing!

I would just go with LOs lead. Teaching them the 'milk' sign is useful, my LO would always get excited if I did the sign if he wanted fed, if he ignored it I didn't bother.