I'm really struggling

[lau86]

My daughter is just over 3 months old.she has cluster fed every evening from around 6-11pm since day two or three after she was born. She feeds every few hours other than that, maybe a bit longer if we're out but if we're in she will feed the whole day (especially if she has me to herself). She doesn't settle with her dummy only on me. She doesn't settle with anyone else. I am emotionally drained. I can't go on much longer like this. I don't even know if this is normal. She seems a hungry baby and is well into 3-6 month clothes she is around the 25th Centile and is growing well. I'm considering formula which I don't want to do but I need to do something. My worry is I would switch to formula and have all the bother of learning to do Bottles and her behaviour wouldn't change. At nearly 1am she hasn't been to sleep Yet. Just lying on me feeding and waking up when she stops. Any advice? I'm really at the end of my tether

 

[justplay91]

My son was like this! Unfortunately, having him on formula (I couldn't breastfeed him for unrelated reasons) didn't make a difference. He was just a hungry baby. He also grew really fast. We were up all night making and cleaning bottles because he required regular feeding through the night until he was over six months old. I think some babies are just hungry. Now, I have the opposite problem with my daughter. Getting her to nurse can be hard and she's slow to gain weight.
It sounds to me like your baby is using you for comfort. I would try a few things before switching entirely to formula. Do you do a nighttime routine? We give our's a bath, lotion + baby massage in a warm room, get her in pj's, and feed her in a quiet, mostly dark room. When she is done, try laying her down in her crib/bassinet/whatever you have for her to sleep in. When she stirs, have you or hubby come back and rock and bounce her back to sleep. Keep doing that, over and over again, and eventually she will get it. It may take a few nights. And then if you want you could have a bottle of expressed breastmilk (or formula if you prefer, but it may upset her tummy) ready so your DH can feed her the first feed and you can get a little bit longer stretch of sleep. I hope this helps. This is a hard stage, but by three months, it's not too much to expect that they sleep a little bit more in the night. Good luck!

 

[jessmke]

I agree with trying the bedtime routine. My DD is a few days shy of 12 weeks old. We do bath, lavender lotion/massage, a few stories with her pacifier, then feed in a dark room and put down to sleep. It takes about 30 min total. By the time we get to the stories she is yawning, the routine really helps her to know that it's time for sleep. Once we started doing this she started sleeping a good 4-5 hr stretch when she goes to bed. After that she wakes every 3 hours. She is currently in some sort of rebellion against sleep/being put down, but we are hoping it's just a phase and she will go back to this routine again as it has worked well for us. I am breastfeeding, but I can only imagine bottle feeding at night to be a lot more work for you as you will be constantly preparing and washing bottles. Hang in there, you are doing a great job!

 

[noon_child]

Three hour gaps during the day seems normal to me, I don't think you'd want them any bigger. I guess it's the cluster feeding that is getting to you the most. Maybe she is too tired to feed well before falling asleep, then too hungry to sleep deeply? My LO was like that. In hindsight I was keeping her up by cluster feeding her in front of the telly, and when I started the bedtime routine it was too long and started way too late.

Maybe try encouraging her to eat a bit more frequently during the afternoon, so that when it is time to introduce the bedtime routine she has already had a good amount of milk. So if she usually drinks at 11:30, 2:30, 5:30, see if she would take it at 11:30, 2pm, 4pm and 5:30 (like your creating a bit of a cluster feed but at a time when is more convenient for you. If she will take a bottle, you could try a bottle of expressed milk, as usually it can be drunk more quickly and with less work if she is tired.

Have you got any breastfeeding support groups near you? They can be a godsend!

 

[lau86]

Thanks, my worry was that I would set up a bedtime routine and she would go to sleep then be up all night, which has happened a few times. But what you've said about the cluster feeding not being effective makes sense. I tried to be led by her but it looks like she needs more or a schedule? I am very guilty of feeding her with the tv and lights on because I figured I would just be sat in the dark the whole time, but if I can do a routine and start to get her down a bit more quicker than say 5 hours... Then I can do it in the dark. she must be getting overtired as some days she hardly sleeps at all

 

[jessmke]

My daughter rarely cluster feeds, but when she does in the evening I stay in a dark room but I will watch netflix on my phone with the volume turned down really low. It doesn't seem to bother baby or keep her awake, and gives me something to do until she is ready for sleep.

 

[PurpleIvy44]

I agree with the other ladies. My DD was like yours and start to fuss and feed around 5-6 in the evening and go all night. I would cry, stress and want to stop BF. My DD refuses a bottle so that's not an option but I would definitely start a bedtime routine. When she started daycare I started to bath her, swaddle her, turn on her white noise machine, and nurse her. Now we do it every single night and it's been about 6 weeks. Babies thrive on routine b/c then they know what to expect and it helps them settle. After a couple weeks she stopped trying to nurse all the time and putting her to bed went from 2 hrs to around 30 minutes. It can be very frustrating in the beginning but if you stick it out it's so worth it! Good luck it will get better...that' what I had to keep telling myself.

 

[noon_child]

I am very guilty of feeding her with the tv and lights on because I figured I would just be sat in the dark the whole time, but if I can do a routine and start to get her down a bit more quicker than say 5 hours... Then I can do it in the dark. she must be getting overtired as some days she hardly sleeps at all

That was me! Bf had been so difficult and isolating for me in the beginning I really didn't want to be stuck in the dark for hours. However once I realised how overtired she was (never slept much in the day either!) I started her bedtime routine earlier (5:30pm) and it cut down the length of evening feeding. My husband then gave me an iPad (love him) and like pp I then went on forums or watched player or whatever and baby wasn't disturbed by it. There were still days when it could take nearly two hours to feed her, but that was when overtired and 8pm was still better than midnight!

 

[lau86]

Thanks for the advice everyone it really gave me a kick to get things happening. She now has a bedtime routine, although I wonder how that's going to happen with 3 children when hubby is away...
She has a bottle of formula around 10pm and has been sleeping through since. Otherwise I am still breastfeeding. I know I'm running the risk of her rejecting me but it's been soooo much better for us both as I needed the sleep and she sleeps better during the day too. I've changed her dummy from a mam to a Tommy tippee which was a random experiment but i wondered if she would prefer a round teat and it seems to work. So now I feed her, hold her and she goes to sleep with her dummy then I can put her in her Moses basket and she doesn't wake up. So things are going a lot better!

 

[hanni]

I was going to suggest trying different dummies. My DS has always been fussy and won't have anything but MAM ones. I
'm glad things have gotten better for you. I remember how isolating it was being sat all day feeding, especially when you're on your own most of the time when doing so.

 

[ElmaWG]

I haven't read all the responses. I don't know if it's "Normal", and I don't have advice to prevent the cluster feeding. But it sounds like you really need a break! Will your LO take a bottle? If so, maybe now would be a good time to let your SO start feeding and putting her down occasionally so you can get some time away.

I guess I'm m also curious if she's getting her naps in during the day? If not, she might be over tired, and that could be effecting her ability to Settle at night.

Edited: just saw your update. So glad things are working out!

 

[lau86]

I haven't read all the responses. I don't know if it's "Normal", and I don't have advice to prevent the cluster feeding. But it sounds like you really need a break! Will your LO take a bottle? If so, maybe now would be a good time to let your SO start feeding and putting her down occasionally so you can get some time away.

I guess I'm m also curious if she's getting her naps in during the day? If not, she might be over tired, and that could be effecting her ability to Settle at night.

Edited: just saw your update. So glad things are working out!

Thanks, your suggestions were spot on as that's what's changed really since that first post. she's doing really well she has a 5oz bottle but other than that I'm still feeding her. She's a greedy girl and is in 6-9 month clothes now!! Which is very different to my boys