I'm sick of failing every month!

[cluckymumof5]

Sorry ladies I need to vent. Just did a pregnancy test and another BFN. This is our 10th month (and 13th cycle) of TTC after having my tubal ligation reversed and I'm fast losing hope of every getting a BFP. I'm lost as to why it's just not happening for us. I chart, I use OPK's, we BD frantically all the way through my fertile period, I raise my butt after BD'ing to help them swim up, I'm taking a shit load of vitamins (B6, COQ10, prenatal vitamins) and still nothing! I never had problems falling pregnant in my 20's and I never realised it would be this hard in my late 30's.

My entire life is ruled by TTC and despite many attempts to just relax and not worry about it I find myself continually going back to the half neurotic woman that is ruled by peeing on sticks. Every month my life runs like this:

AF arrives. Big cry, followed by anger that we failed again, then despair that it will never happen, then acceptance and hope for a new month.

Start OPK's around day 6 so I don't miss my surge. Temping the entire time and jumping DP if my temp looks like it's going to nose dive (just in case by some miracle ovulation moves forward a week.

Lines start to appear of OPK. BD furiously for 5 days till both DP and I are over it and just wanting to go to bed to sleep. Only letting up once I know 4 days have passed since my positive OPK.

Ovulation till AF. Constantly checking every little sign I have. Is this an EPS. Google then find out it's not but convince myself it is and no-body else has experienced this before.

8DPO till AF shows up. Constant testing then over analysing every negative test. Holding it at every angle, shining my iPhone torch on it incase I missed the line, wandering around the backyard like a moron trying to find the best sunlight incase I missed the line, then finally giving up and accepting that its a negative and we're out again.

Af shows up. Back to the top again.

I've been to my local GP who just shakes her head and doesn't know why we haven't fallen pregnant. I've seen an OBGYN who specialising in IVF so obviously was quite quick to tell me because of my age (37) that time is not on my side so IVF will be our only option. I just don't know what to do anymore. DP is not keen on doing IVF at all and thinks that it will happen so don't stress. I'm not keen on it either to be honest.

How do you ladies keep going month after month and not lose hope?

 

[crystal443]

Its hard, the only thing I can say is hang in there

 

[QueenieMurphy]

Your month sounds exactly like mine. Been TTC number 2 for 10 months now(12 cycles) and getting very depressed about it.

With number one it took 8 months and I thought that was long.

I'm 37 too.

Surely it will happen for us soon - fingers crossed.

I'm in the running around in the garden holding tests at every angle stage of cycle at mo!!

Good Luck.

 

[BDownmommie]

For the life of me i don't know how to keep the hopes alive....i've wanted this since i was 16 (and now 35) but always put it off bc of school, career, divorce.... and now, with DH (who already has kids) he has agreed to get a reversal (done but in dec) but no luck with a BFP.

Pee'd on so many sticks over the past few months, it almost became my morning routine - wake up, go to bathroom - pick stick (OPK or PT), pee - wait...

I have been so upset for the past 2 months about this, bc my GF's and now telling me they are preggo (1 on purpose, 1 by accident) and its frustrating me that we haven't - 6 months of trying and nothing....(ok, well 1 CP but thats sad enough by itself)

I just found out yesterday that after a vasectomy reversal the likelihood of getting knocked up between 1-6 months are so low, the doc's don't even mention really it a possibility. So the last few months of vitamins, stick peeing, temp reading, sleeping with butt on pillow after BDing, etc etc etc - all for 'FUN' according to Doc - right...im sure it was all fun each month when the comes and i cry...

So frustrating...and then to have friends tell me not to stress - are you serious? it's almost like asking not to breathe...

If you have tips - id love some -

with the exception of being in a coma state between AF and O - idk what i can suggest....sigh

 

[cluckymumof5]

Thanks ladies glad I'm not the only one who is slightly obsessed with TTC.

QueenieMurphy I'm at the running around the garden stage as well although I'm testing negative so AF should be here soon. Tested at 8DPO and got a faint second line but by 10DPO that had disappeared so possible a chemical again. I hope you get your BFP soon. Haven't bothered to test today, sick of only seeing one line.

BDownmommie I really hope you get your BFP soon. It's so bloody frustrating hoping and praying all month only to have AF show up. Everyone around me seems to be pregnant or announcing a BFP and while obviously I'm happy for them I can't help but think Why isn't that me? I had my tubal reversal last September and was told that if I didn't fall pregnant within 12 months then the likelihood of falling pregnant at all is very small. Given that I'm only and month and a half away from the 12 month point I'm starting to feel like it won't happen at all for us.

 

[cluckymumof5]

Holy crap I got a BFP tonight. Totally blown away.

https://i1110.photobucket.com/albums/h443/christinef74/IMG_2640.jpg

 

[2have4kids]

How 'bout a bf congrats then? Are you seriously a mom of 5 kids? If so, you have my dream family!
You have to look at the positives: you have a really short cycle or so it seems. I wait 12dpo to test and cd33 to see if AF is coming...seems like forever thank goodness for frer's. Have a glass of wine when AF hits & try and try again as they say.
Congrats tho on your BFP. Happy healthy 9 months!

 

[cluckymumof5]

Thanks 2have4kids I can't believe we finally got our BFP.

 

[QueenieMurphy]

Congrats - that is such fab fab news, its given me big hope for this cycle, what test did you use at 10 days that was bfn and which did you use for your bfps? I usually use IC's and superdrugs.

Oh Congrats mumof5, really happy for you xxx

 

[cluckymumof5]

I tested with IC's at 7 and 8 DPO and got positives then negatives with First Reponse until late on 10DPO. It's now 13dpo and it's slowly getting darker.

 

[xXxJessicaxXx]

Awwww hun CONGRATULATION'S I was just about to say the same thing and wow bam you got your BFP. Hope you have a H&H 9 Month's. x x x

If you dont mind me asking how long have you been TTC? x x x

 

[cluckymumof5]

Awwww hun CONGRATULATION'S I was just about to say the same thing and wow bam you got your BFP. Hope you have a H&H 9 Month's. x x x

If you dont mind me asking how long have you been TTC? x x x

We've been trying for almost 11 months when I got my BFP.

 

[shancherie]

I would like to offer a bit of hope - I know the roller coaster ride that is TTC. We tried for 15 months - starting when I was 37. I got to know my cycle to the minute. The last several months, I cried every time I tested and saw another negative.

Finally, I went to my doc and asked for a referral to a fertility specialist when we returned from vacation. Hubby and I were leaving for our fifth anniversary vacation - three weeks touring the southwest! AF was due the week we were coming home and I got another negative. We finished off the last of the wine in our refrigerator and headed home. Once we got home, I didn't start... took a test. POSITIVE!

After seeing so many negatives, I went and bought three boxes of tests and took one every day. Hubby thought I was nuts, but it felt so good to see that positive after crying over so many negatives.

I hope success finds you all - Good luck!!!

 

[cluckymumof5]

I'm sad to say we lost our baby over the weekend. Went to the doctors on Friday and was told my HCG levels were really low (22) and that it wasn't high enough to sustain a pregnancy. Come home and 2 hours later started bleeding. Today is day 3 and the bleeding seems to be getting heavier.

 

[trying4four]

So very sorry

 

[BDownmommie]

I am so sorry to hear that = I understand how heart breaking this must be for you right now, but (and as tough as it is to hear) this can also show you the positive...

You did it once, it will happen again!!!

 

[QueenieMurphy]

Ah I'm so sorry Mumof5. I hope you are OK.

Don't know if this will be a comfort but I conceived my daughter straight after a m/c. Apparently you're very fertile the few months after.

Look after yourself xx