I'm so confused and desperately needing to get it out.

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Meaggers, Nov 16, 2011.

  1. Meaggers

    Meaggers Well-Known Member

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    We went to hear our baby's heartbeat again yesterday only to hear that the baby had no heartbeat and was only 6 weeks in size. I've never had so many emotions at once in my life. After always being told I couldn't get pregnant somehow we conceived naturally. I'm sure most of you can relate that after wanting something so bad, finally receiving a miracle and then having it taken just doesn't seem right. Our little baby's heart got to beat for a few days before it stopped. Ive been carying it around inside me for 2 1/2 weeks now without knowing and without my body knowing. I've been on progesterone- which I quit taking yesterday evening to try and start the miscarriage process. I'm terrified of what to expect since I've heard all kinds of things. I didn't ask any questions yesterday because my head was in a fog. My OH and I stayed up talking and both in tears for much of the night. Finally I fell asleep from exhaustion only to wake up in sweat from a horrible, morbid, and very real nightmare. When I woke up it took a second to realize it wasn't just a normal pregnancy dream. It all hit me at once. The confusion, the sadness and deep depression, the worthless feeling that somehow I failed. I woke to the feelings both physical and emotional only to realize our angel was in heaven. I'll be honest, I almost feel nuts. I pray that this gets easier and that the feeling of emptiness goes away. I'm not sure what to expect once I start bleeding. I guess besides just needing to talk, I want to know that it's ok to feel this way and Im not crazy. I also want to know if it gets easier, what to expect when the miscariage begins, and if it's possible to find peace of mind. Thank you for reading and I apologize for the length.
     
  2. truly_blessed

    truly_blessed Loving being a new mummy

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    so sorry for your loss. I had a D&C in 2009 so can't comment on the natural miscarriage process. Still I bled on and off for 7 weeks until I finally passed a large clot. I think they missed some when they did the operation as I did have horrible cramps as well. I was due to go to New York and Vegas for my birthday 2 weeks after we found out I'd had a missed miscarriage and I was 12 weeks at that point so a natural miscarriage wasn't really an option.

    The sadness never goes but it did get easier for me, especially after I stopped bleeding and could try again.
     
  3. TaraLynn

    TaraLynn mama to Kiernan & 1 angel

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    You are NOT crazy, everything you are feeling is normal. I've been going through this the last month now and everything you wrote hit very close to home for me. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, I hope in time it does, but I still cry daily... randomly... I have friends who have been in the same spot and they all say in time it will get easier and I hope and pray they are right.

    Please call your doctor, now that you have had time to soak it all in, talk about it, and come up with questions. Let your doctor answer those to give you some peace of mind for what kinds of things you can expect, I am sure they will be more than willing to answer what ever questions you have.

    I am so deeply sorry for all you are going through =( And so so sorry for your loss.
     
  4. Pocketrocket

    Pocketrocket Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for you loss hun. I mc at 10 weeks last month. I felt like l would never smile or feel happy again. The emotional pain does get easier with time but my lost baby is never far from my thoughts. I agree with truly_blessed, I got my first period 2 weeks ago and o'd yesterday so I'm focusing my energy on trying again. Give yourself time to cry and grieve. Time is a good healer xxx
     
  5. mummymurray74

    mummymurray74 Pregnant again after mmc

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    I went through exactly the same as you last week. I was 8 weeks but measuring 5.2 only a week before our baby had a heartbeat and i saw it on the scan but last week at our follow up scan baby had died. I went with the medical management and i dont know if i recommend it, i do because i passed my baby and kept it in a sealed container from the hospital and buried it in our garden and we are going to get an angel baby ornament and put it where its buried and plant a rose bush, but having had this happen before in 2008 i ad the op and its much easier and less distressing.

    Its only been a week for me since i took the tablets and im still so sad, angry towards pg women i see which i feel so bad about but i feel its so unfair, we tried for 1 year for this baby and it was so wanted and we cant come to terms with losing another baby as 'bad luck'

    I know exactly how you are feeling. hugs to you. if you ever want to talk im here x
     

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