I'm sure I'm being silly

[newbie1992]

Me and my sister have never got on like normal sisters. We are absolutely different in every single way you can imagine. I live a normal life and well..

She is 3 weeks ahead of me. She has money from whatever activities she gets upto plus the council, and so me and my mum thought it would be nice the other day to pay for a gender scan for her. She didn't mind what she had, like me, but has found out she is having a girl.

I can't help but feel a bit disappointed for a number of, probably silly reasons.

1. I always wanted a close sister relationship with her, but it would never have worked because there is 6 years difference so we don't really have anything in common and I wanted to give my daughter a sister so that she would have what I always missed.

2. Everyone always enjoys buying baby girl clothes more, its just a fact, that even I can admit! Baby girl clothes are so much cuter than baby boys and I feel that my child will be overlooked.

3. I just generally feel the overall attention will be directed towards her baby, even when she announced she was having a girl after I announced having a boy, everyone said congratulations to me, but to her everyone was like oh wow so pleased for you, you must be so happy.

Im actually happy to be having a boy, this all happened thursday evening and its now saturday morning and I just can't shake this feeling I have!!!

Its so ridiculous but I'm hoping by writing this I can move on from it.

 

[maryanne1987]

I can tell you now that age gaps between siblings do not automatically mean you will be close. My sister and I are two years apart and not close in the slightest. In fact we don't even speak. Even if you had of had a girl you can't assume her and her sister would be close. I'm sure your daughter will be thrilled with a brother and there's no reason they can't grow up to have a close relationship.

I have to disagree that girls clothes are cuter. I find little shirts and jeans adorable and don't even get me started on the cute little dinosaur outfits ive seen. I wouldn't say you can call it a 'fact'.

As for more attention for a girl why would that be? Ive had both and in no way had less attention for my son than my daughter. Is it her first? If so there's always a little more excitement from people with a first baby. That's nothing to do with gender. I think maybe you might be over thinking this and issues with your sister may be the cause. Maybe you could have a get together, try and talk? It's wonderful that you two are getting to share this amazing journey together and since you already have a girl maybe she would like some advice from a mum who's already raising a girl. Try and turn the negatives into positives. Could be a great time to build bridges.

 

[newbie1992]

She's already got one of each, 8yo boy, 3yo girl. Everyone is so pleased that the 3yo will have a little sister close in age, whereas for me, its kind of forgotten.

This is an example of the reaction. I post on Facebook how thrilled we are to be having a boy and someone who is closer to me than my sister commented (we are due 1st november) "imagine if it comes on 5th november, you could call him Guy!"

My sister posts she's having a girl, same person comments "Oh how lovely for you and your family. Im so pleased, you must be so happy!"

Why must she be so happy she's having a girl but I wouldn't naturally be so happy that Im having a boy?

My relationship with my sister has always been the same, i don't really need that to change, I guess I just feel a bit jealous, i don't want to because my husband was desperately hoping for a boy..

I do agree with what i said about the clothes, when i found out i was having a girl, the pink dresses and outfits were the best, and i am always shopping for her even now, and i really don't feel the boys clothes are that sweet, when i choose something in a shop, it certainly wouldn't have that wow effect that a pretty pink dress has, might just be around the people I associate with but thats certainly the feeling. People are more excited about a girl. The attention to my son will be no different to my daughter, its just about how other people will act. I just can't help but feel nobody has any excitement towards my boy as they do towards her girl.

 

[ajarvis]

Sibling relationships aren't dependent on gender or age. So I don't think you have to worry about that. Your daughter can still have a close relationship with her brother

I love shopping for boys clothes. I'm not looking forward to girls clothes because I hate pink, and I don't like dresses ha. I like dressing my boys up all handsome - well I did. There's no dressing them anymore haha.

all the attention part could be in your head or you could have a mean family. Hard to say. Either way as long as you're happy and excited that's what matters

Plus these two cousins could be super close being so close in age.

 

[pam1532]

I'm having a boy too, and this is my first child. My own family are super happy for me whatever the gender, but I live far away from them (UK) and live in my husband's country (South Korea) and his family don't seem particularly thrilled. It's the first grandchild for both sets of parents, but as soon as we told the mother-in-law she couldn't help expressing some disappointment. She had two sons herself, and has very few nieces. Last year hubbies cousin had a baby daugter and mother-in-law is smitten! She's always visiting and taking photos. Even though my baby is her actual grandchild I think she will still like her nephews baby daughter the most.

However, saying all this, I don't really give a hoot what anyone else thinks! We're having this baby for ourselves, not to impress anybody else. We're over the moon that we're having a little boy and we're excited enough on our own that we get the opportunity to raise a son into a gentleman.

As for the sisters thing; I have a sister 3 years younger than me and she's my best friend in the world, but we also have 2 female cousins who are sisters only 2 years apart and they're total opposites of each other! They don't argue but they don't do much together either; they just hang out with their own seperate circles of friends and do their own thing and have always been the same since they were kids. My mother and her sister are like that too, despite also being close in age. Being sisters doesn't automatically make two girls get along.

 

[newbie1992]

Thanks very much.. we are really happy about everything we are doing and i shouldn't worry like its a competition at all!

I spoke to my mum earlier who is absolutely the same person as me, if only she was my sister!

She said she knows what I'm trying to explain, and we can talk about it later when she finishes work xx

 

[lilmisscaviar]

Hun I can completely relate to how you are feeling. My DD is the jealous type and really into mommy. She only likes other children if they're girls. She and her brother fight like cats and dogs. My DS is the complete opposite... he's social with other children but doesn't have anyone close in his age of his gender to play with. All his cousins are girls and are at the age where they think boys have "cooties". I was really hoping to give him a brother to play with but, alas, we ended up with a girl this time. I had the same feelings as you did when two of my friends who are also expecting found out they were having the gender that they wanted. It's not that I don't love my second DD... it's just that I hope that even though they'll be opposite sexes, DD2 and DS will get along as playmates being close in age.

As to the Facebook posts, I would ignore them. I know it is hard and I too noticed that when I was expecting my DS, he didn't get as much attention as when I wrote about my DD. He still doesn't get as many likes on pics of him as pics of my DD. My mother won't even watch him because he's more ornery than my DD. It just seems like people are more partial to girls, and I don't know why. You're not being silly. Every mom gets these same feelings at some point.

 

[DannaD]

From reading this, I just feel you wanted a girl and it has little to do with your sister with whom you aren't close anyway. I think it's fine and normal to have a preference, don't get me wrong. I hope you'll get used to the idea, and that your daughter and son will have a great releationship. One of each is the dream of many families, you're quite lucky in that sense!

 

[newbie1992]

Lilmisscaviar... This is exactly it!!!!!!

Thank god, like you read my mind.

I did happen to have a good conversation with my mum who made me feel differently, we all get given what is destined for our family and at this time, a little boy is what our family needs and Im now feeling much more excited for it.

I have to ignore the attention side, and make sure i give him all the attention, if need be, i won't put pictures of him anywhere so that people won't be able to compare.

its an awkward scenario and I'm not annoyed at my sister, I'm happy for her, i saw them today and when you ask my niece what is in her mums tummy she says "my girl" and I think thats cute. A part of me will always think it would have been so perfect for my little one to have a sister but we will get used to it, maybe once the baby shopping starts I will feel much more excited!!

Thanks for understanding x

 

[mummof1]

I can relate to how you're feeling , my family right now has all boy grandchildren except one girl so myself and my two cousins are pregnant and everyone wants a baby girl !
We are having a third boy and felt like we disappointed the family a bit , now they keep commenting on hoping my cousins have girls ..it's a bit annoying tbh

 

[ButterCup17]

I was in a similar situation. I announced I was pregnant with ds last time and when we told my sister in law she said "were pregnant too, with a girl". I was like seriously, for one I was selfish and wanted the pregnancy attention for myself and two she was having a girl and I was having a boy. I was jealous of the gender for every reason you also said. But once they were born (exactly a month apart) there is no way in the world I would have traded things! Trust me, you will have an amazing little mama's boy who will love you so much, you will never be jealous again!

 

[Emsabub]

I can relate to how you're feeling , my family right now has all boy grandchildren except one girl so myself and my two cousins are pregnant and everyone wants a baby girl !
We are having a third boy and felt like we disappointed the family a bit , now they keep commenting on hoping my cousins have girls ..it's a bit annoying tbh

Same here. My partners parents have all boy grandchildren and, as they had 3 boys themselves, really wanted a girl somewhere. I've always had a feeling Ava was a girl but when I'd say it they didn't really believe me. Then when the phone call went out a few hours after our scan, nanny was calling me crying she was that excited! I wouldn't have minded either way, but I think I was a little more hopeful it would be a girl, seeing as OH wanted a little lady too.

 

[emicakess]

I get what you are saying! But i am sure it will all work out great its probably just the nerves of the unknown as well as relating your personal experiences to how your children will grow up.
I can relate to you in the way that i do want my daughter to have a sister, and I am hoping for girl! Although of course if its a boy i will over the moon. I am just hoping for another girl because every other kid in my daughters generation, on both sides, even second cousins and beyond are.. BOYS! All of them! She has 4 boy first cousins, 5 boy second cousins! Nobody else in the family are having babies so a little sister would be nice! Either way, if it is a boy or girl, we will try again in the future for another. Because if it is a girl, my fiance wants to pass down his name so he wants to try again for a boy. And if it is a boy, I just want to try again for another girl haha.

 

[newbie1992]

Thanks for all your comments.

I woke up a couple of days after writing it and I actually didn't feel at all how I did. Im now very excited for a boy, and don't have any bad feeling towards my sister or her situation.

Its like having a first child again because we already have a girl!

 

[Lynzi88]

Maybe the person made that guy fawkes jokes because he's closer to you..and jus said a simple congrats I'm happy for u to your sister because he's not close enough to make certain jokes or because he didn't have a girl joke. From what you've wrote I personally think your reading too much into it maybe because of sibling rivalry?? My brother is having a lil girl on his first child and I'm having my second girl and I don't feel like my lil girl wil be overlooked at all.. If you've ever got a chance to build a relationship with your sister this would be the time whilst your both pregnant in the sane trimester.. There is so much u could to together.. Comparing symptoms.. Baby shopping. Antenatal classes etc..