I'm the worst person ever for saying this!

[babe2ooo]

everyone is going to hate me for saying this but this is how i feel, i hate my oh son touching my baby i know it sounds bad but some of it i cant explain,

i'm fine with anyone else touching him but the thing is callum is 7 and hes not a very good child, he never does what he is told and hes a very dirty child he never washes his hands after going to the loo and he has a toilet problem which i cant really go into but he has alot of accidents which mean hes sometimes smells alot and when my oh has said to him he smells he has tryed to blame it on jack cause hes feels silly,

i know this is sounding bad but i've had to be a step mum to him since i was 18 and i wasnt ready for that i'm still not ready for it, i've had jack cause i'm ready for him but callum wasnt my choise, i really wanna be with my oh but i'm finding it hard, i look after callum everyday after school cause he lives which us but i dont know how to talk to my oh about this??

callums mum isnt around anymore she passed away about 4/5yrs ago which is sad but since then he has been really naughty but no one seems to get that he might need help,

i dont want to stop him playing with jack but i dont want dirty children round my child or children that wont listen to me cause i feel like i cant trust him with my baby,

callum sees his nan alot who was him mums mum and she alway underminds everything we do and she spoils him so much that we cant controll him sometimes and he breaks all this toy even a DS we bought him for over £100

i dont want jack seeing what callum does cause jack is such a good boy, callum has little tantrums and i dont want jack thinking he can do that,

also callum acts like a baby all the time cause when hes at his nans he crys and she give him what he wants, the problem is i wasnt there to bring callum up so he has so many bad habit and i dont know how to get him out of them, i'm so worry jack is going to turn out like this and i would be heart broken if he did,

i've talked to my mum about it and she says i should talk to oh but he doesnt get it he kind of makes it worse cause he lets callum do what he want and doesnt tell him anything i'm alway the bad guy,

its hard aswell cause jack has a mum and dad but callum doesnt, dont get me wrong i do love callum but hes not my child but i'm alway the one that cant do this or that cause i have callum and i'm alway babysitting for oh sometimes i think the only reason oh is with me is so i can babysit his child,

i was so young when i became his step mum and i dont think i was ready he has so many problem that no one will acknowladge and i cant make them, i'm worry they will just say its all in my head but its not cause my mum see it to

sorry this is so long if u read this thanks i just needed to get it off my chest,

 

[Serene123]

Tell your OH you need to sort it because it's making you doubt your relationship, and you don't want to xx

 

[babe2ooo]

yeah thats true but what if hes like well i cant be with u then, it not me saying i dont want his son in are life but oh works so much that i'm alway stuck with callum and its not fair, it should be 50/50 at least, i've also talked to oh half about his problems and he just says hes fine so what more can i say, its like he cant see whats right in front of him,

 

[ryder]

Sorry to say... but... Callum was your choice. You chose to be with your OH and im sure when you met him he advised you he had a son... so yes... it was your choice. Sorry if that sounds mean but it is the truth.

I understand hoow you feel though. Your OH obviously needs to step up and make sure Callum practices good hygeine and listens. Everyone, you, your OH and his nans etc need to have a set of proper rules and routines that you ALL make Callum follow.

Has he been checked by a doc for things like adhd? Sometimes children are undiagnosed and it can be hell for everyone. Why is a 7 year old boy not potty trained properly? Does he do it on purpose? Or does he actually have some kind of medical reason for being incontinent.

You cant live the rest of your life like this. So you will need to tell your OH he needs to agree with you and work something out.

Have a set routine, have a set punishment for bad behaviour, and dont give on any rules.

 

[orange-sox]

I think you need to get your OH on board, because if he let's Callum do what he wants, then he's undermining you just as much as his nan is... you mention he says Callum is fine, maybe there is some guilt there are about Callum losing his mother so young, that he should be given allowances because of that?

Have you tried asking your OH to speak to Callums Nan? Obviously she wants to spoil her grandchild, and with her daughter passed away it will be even more important for her to spend time with him, but she surely must see that he needs stability in his life, and to be a well adjusted young man. Ultimately children who have no medical reason to misbehave or act out, will only go as far as the boundaries allow them too...

I hope I haven't come across as preaching to you, I'm not in anyway shape or form, I'm just hoping what I have to say might be of some help to you.

Hope this all gets better for you soon, you only want the best for both Jack and Callum

 

[shazzybear8]

Hiya you really need to speak to your OH so some boundaries are set or he'l get worse the older he gets......
I ended up at step mom at 31yr to a then 20yr lady if I can call her that child comes to mine but she was so jealious when i fell pregnant, actually told me that she hoped my baby was a mongo. Final straw but my OH stood by me and we didnt see her for over a year and a half until last week she met her little brother for the 1st time, Josh climbed up onto her knee and fell asleep at that point she was very emotional think she just realised how much of her little brothers life she missed out on.... OH still not spoke to his daughter yet. Maybe I feel sorry for her as her own mother stabbed her 27times with a pair of sissors at 6yrs and OH got custody..... and now her mothers the only one ever been there for her but thats another story.

 

[babe2ooo]

thanks everyone it really helps getting everyone points of view, the reason he has these problem is because of his mum passing away and i dont think anyone has ever really spoken to him about it, i think he want to be a kids again like the ages he was when hes mum was around

 

[Rachiebaby24]

I think first things first you need to speak to your OH.....if you have Callum most of the time then certain things need to be sorted. Tell your OH that if it isnt sorted out then childcare will have to be arranged because you also have another child to look after. Be firm with your OH just as you would if it was Jack who was having problems...

Address his toilet training and cleanliness. Maybe he needs to see a doctor/counsellor. Can your OH not arrange this? Or you?

If you had given birth to Callum the you would have taken him to the docs by now, told his nan to stop over-spoiling him etc. What is holding you back from doing this? If you look after him and have got together with your OH and taken on the role of Callum's mother then you should act like one and that means you have a say in his upbringing, especially as you look after him the most so you should be able to tell his nan etc.

Also, have a little understanding, he has lost his mum and now you have ahd a baby....even kids with both their parents can sometimes feel pushed out by a new baby and get jealous....

I also think you need to spend some nice quality time with Callum because you sound a bit resentful.....

I hope you sort things out and get some help from your OH....it is hard but you are the only mother figure he has.....

xx

 

[PitBullMommy]

Yeouch. Sounds like he does need some professional help. Losing a parent like that can REALLY screw a kid up, especially around that age. My parents used to run group homes and kids with problems used to live with us and a few of them ended up there cause of problems stemming from their parents dying. I can understand you not wanting him to touch your baby though. DH has a nephew that is dirty and loud and CRAZY and I don't want him anywhere near Charlotte, but it's rough. I would totally talk to your OH though, otherwise things are just going to get worse.

 

[x-amy-x]

I really feel for Callum. It can't be easy losing your mum when you are so little.

Your OH needs to do his share of the childcare but yes, you are his step mum. I know he plays up for you, but he's probably just scared he might lose you too. See your GP and he might see how he can help Callum.

 

[Mamafy]

This must sound weird but my suggestion is for you and Callum to spend some time together, doing something fun to enjoy each others company. I do tend to agree with Ryder in that it was your choice and unless you are going to split with your oh Callum is going to be in your life.

I'm sorry hunny but you are the only mum he has and you have to start treating him and jack the same. The hygiene thing can be sorted by teaching him to wash his hands and making sure he's clean, Jack is his brother after all so I'd let him get involved. bath Callum then let him touch/nurse Jack.

I'm kinda sad that after 4-5 years that your description of status is 'mum to Jack' Just think of this, say something happened to you and your oh started again, would you really want his oh to still not think of him as her child after 4-5 years and favours her own biological son

i'm sorry to be blunt hun but i think you all need some help and ways how you can strengthen your little family, thats if you want to?

 

[ribboninthesky]

everyone is going to hate me for saying this but this is how i feel, i hate my oh son touching my baby i know it sounds bad but some of it i cant explain,

i'm fine with anyone else touching him but the thing is callum is 7 and hes not a very good child, he never does what he is told and hes a very dirty child he never washes his hands after going to the loo don't you and OH make sure he cleans his hands after he's been? and he has a toilet problem which i cant really go into but he has alot of accidents which mean hes sometimes smells alot and when my oh has said to him he smells he has tryed to blame it on jack cause hes feels silly,again, if you both make sure he's cleaned himself up properly, he won't smell

i know this is sounding bad but i've had to be a step mum to him since i was 18 and i wasnt ready for that i'm still not ready for it,when are you going to be ready? i've had jack cause i'm ready for him but callum wasnt my choise, i really wanna be with my oh but i'm finding it hard, i look after callum everyday after school cause he lives which us but i dont know how to talk to my oh about this??

callums mum isnt around anymore she passed away about 4/5yrs ago which is sad but since then he has been really naughty but no one seems to get that he might need help,Of course he needs help and don't take this the wrong way, but he is probably picking up on the fact that you don't want him around which is making him play up all the more

i dont want to stop him playing with jack but i dont want dirty children round my child then clean callum up then! or children that wont listen to me cause i feel like i cant trust him with my baby,

callum sees his nan alot who was him mums mum and she alway underminds everything we do and she spoils him so much that we cant controll him sometimes and he breaks all this toy even a DS we bought him for over £100 He's lost his Mum, his Nan can't bring her back, so that's why she spoils him. I'm not saying she's right, but that;s probably all it boils down to.

i dont want jack seeing what callum does cause jack is such a good boy Jack is a baby, Callum is a little boy who is probably crying out for love and attention because he doesn't get it, or if he does, it isn't equal to what his brother gets., callum has little tantrums and i dont want jack thinking he can do that,Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but ALL little ones have tantrums!

also callum acts like a baby all the time cause when hes at his nans he crys and she give him what he wants, the problem is i wasnt there to bring callum up so he has so many bad habit and i dont know how to get him out of them, i'm so worry jack is going to turn out like this and i would be heart broken if he did,

i've talked to my mum about it and she says i should talk to oh but he doesnt get it he kind of makes it worse cause he lets callum do what he want and doesnt tell him anything i'm alway the bad guy, Have you told your OH that you aren't really bothered about Callum and that Jack is your number 1? Maybe that's why you can't speak to him because you're scared of telling him the truth?

its hard aswell cause jack has a mum and dad but callum doesnt, dont get me wrong i do love callum but hes not my child but i'm alway the one that cant do this or that cause i have callum and i'm alway babysitting for oh sometimes i think the only reason oh is with me is so i can babysit his child,

i was so young when i became his step mum and i dont think i was ready he has so many problem that no one will acknowladge and i cant make them, i'm worry they will just say its all in my head but its not cause my mum see it to

sorry this is so long if u read this thanks i just needed to get it off my chest,

I'm sorry if those comments seem harsh, but I'm only saying how it looks from where I'm sat x

 

[clairebear]

My suggestion is maybe you need to spend a little time one on one with callum. You are his mummy now and maybe hes just a little jealous that Jack has a mummy and he doesnt. Maybe he doesnt under stand. I think you and your OH need to talk about it x

 

[Rachiebaby24]

everyone is going to hate me for saying this but this is how i feel, i hate my oh son touching my baby i know it sounds bad but some of it i cant explain,

i'm fine with anyone else touching him but the thing is callum is 7 and hes not a very good child, he never does what he is told and hes a very dirty child he never washes his hands after going to the loo don't you and OH make sure he cleans his hands after he's been? and he has a toilet problem which i cant really go into but he has alot of accidents which mean hes sometimes smells alot and when my oh has said to him he smells he has tryed to blame it on jack cause hes feels silly,again, if you both make sure he's cleaned himself up properly, he won't smell

i know this is sounding bad but i've had to be a step mum to him since i was 18 and i wasnt ready for that i'm still not ready for it,when are you going to be ready? i've had jack cause i'm ready for him but callum wasnt my choise, i really wanna be with my oh but i'm finding it hard, i look after callum everyday after school cause he lives which us but i dont know how to talk to my oh about this??

callums mum isnt around anymore she passed away about 4/5yrs ago which is sad but since then he has been really naughty but no one seems to get that he might need help,Of course he needs help and don't take this the wrong way, but he is probably picking up on the fact that you don't want him around which is making him play up all the more

i dont want to stop him playing with jack but i dont want dirty children round my child then clean callum up then! or children that wont listen to me cause i feel like i cant trust him with my baby,

callum sees his nan alot who was him mums mum and she alway underminds everything we do and she spoils him so much that we cant controll him sometimes and he breaks all this toy even a DS we bought him for over £100 He's lost his Mum, his Nan can't bring her back, so that's why she spoils him. I'm not saying she's right, but that;s probably all it boils down to.

i dont want jack seeing what callum does cause jack is such a good boy Jack is a baby, Callum is a little boy who is probably crying out for love and attention because he doesn't get it, or if he does, it isn't equal to what his brother gets., callum has little tantrums and i dont want jack thinking he can do that,Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but ALL little ones have tantrums!

also callum acts like a baby all the time cause when hes at his nans he crys and she give him what he wants, the problem is i wasnt there to bring callum up so he has so many bad habit and i dont know how to get him out of them, i'm so worry jack is going to turn out like this and i would be heart broken if he did,

i've talked to my mum about it and she says i should talk to oh but he doesnt get it he kind of makes it worse cause he lets callum do what he want and doesnt tell him anything i'm alway the bad guy, Have you told your OH that you aren't really bothered about Callum and that Jack is your number 1? Maybe that's why you can't speak to him because you're scared of telling him the truth?

its hard aswell cause jack has a mum and dad but callum doesnt, dont get me wrong i do love callum but hes not my child but i'm alway the one that cant do this or that cause i have callum and i'm alway babysitting for oh sometimes i think the only reason oh is with me is so i can babysit his child,

i was so young when i became his step mum and i dont think i was ready he has so many problem that no one will acknowladge and i cant make them, i'm worry they will just say its all in my head but its not cause my mum see it to

sorry this is so long if u read this thanks i just needed to get it off my chest,

I'm sorry if those comments seem harsh, but I'm only saying how it looks from where I'm sat x

i agree!!! Also, you say you had Jack because you were ready for him...so are you still not ready for Callum....?

I do think you are being unfair and it seems like there is a big gap between what you feel for Callum and for Jack. Fair enough Callum isnt your birth son but he is a part of your OH and is your LO's brother so they should be treated the same....even if you dont feel like that....this whole situation is not Callum's fault...he is crying out for love, help and attention.