I'm tired! Rant!

[bdawn8403]

I am so tired of everyone around me! I am tired of my husband disregarding me and continuing on his new kick of smoking these faux cigars! He knows I don't like smoking and that it doesn't help his sperm count anyway. He has been doing it for about 2-3 months now. A few weeks ago I called him at work in the middle of the night in tears pleading with him to stop or else I would not have his baby! He said he knows he needs to stop but it relaxes him. I told him to find something else that relaxes him. He also uses it against me. He knows if I ask him to spend time with me or do something with me if he pulls out if you buy me a pack of them I will and I do because I am so desperate to be with him right now. I have asked him when he will stop and he says "When are you going to stop buying pregnancy tests?" Ugh!!

For the first time in my life I feel like my parents don't love me or want me around, especially my dad. That hurts as I am a daddy's girl. Everytime I go there he is very quiet or yells at me if I ask him a question about something and since he is now talking so quietly and I ask him what he says, he screams at me! He did this the last time when my little sister was there and she asked him too as she didn't hear him and he answered her calmly. I think this all stems from the fact that I am pissed and hurt over my little sister being pregnant with a fucking moron's baby!! This guy isn't worthy of anything, he told my husband and I, he hopes we don't ever have kids and at least his baby isn't dead. My mom wouldn't let him in her house until he apologized but guess what? He's there all the time and never apologized and my sister refused to apologize for him.

I HATE being around her! She is barely 2 months pregnant, was already fat to begin with, so isn't showing and is wearing maternity pants!! Really??? Not saying anything bad about her weight because I am heavier too. I see her flaunting it in my face. My dad thinks I need to grow up and since thats his baby has apparently taken her side. Everyone thinks I am wrong for being upset.

I am sick of my 15 year old niece not appreciating her pregnancy. She doesn't give a shit about her baby and refuses to do what the doctors say because she doesn't have to. The fluid around the baby is low and the doctor told her to stop drinking pop and more water. Well she refuses because they told her if its low the next visit she is going on bedrest which will get her out of school so thats incentive to not drink water. However, if she is on bedrest, she isn't doing that she says. I cry at almost every doctors appointment. I should be where she's at in my pregnancy. I don't understand why these two get to keep their babies and I don't??? I would actually take care of and love my baby while my niece will leave hers with my husband and I or my mom and my sisters will probably end up brain dead or even dead when her man isn't the center of attention and he lashes out on the baby for crying. He isn't stable and is on meds. This isn't right. This isn't fair and yes I am well aware that life isn't fair. It never has been for me.

 

[NavyWife84]

I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. While I am not going through the same things you are, there are tons of reasons I really want to scream right now (I posted a rant just before you did...lol). There isn't really anything I can tell you to make you feel any better. But I will scream with you...Ready....get a pillow...hold it up to your face...and scream until you can't scream any more! It might sound silly, but I have really been that desparate lately.

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time right now...LTTTC really does stink I'm here if you need to talk...

::

 

[wonderstars]

As I said to Navywife, infertility sucks. No matter how long or how short, it just plain old sucks.

 

[Armywife84]

Meh, you're NOT wrong for feeling the way you do. You're surrounded by insensitive, immature (which makes it ten times worse) pregnant girls.

If your DH supports you in LTTC a baby and wants a pregnancy badly, then he'll knock off the cigars!

Of course your family doesn't get it because they probably have never suffered a loss and LTTC. They haven't a clue of just how hard it is to deal with LTTC on a daily basis!!

Sorry to hear about the unsupportive people around you. Get your DH on the same page with you when it comes to LTTC, that's all you need. And BNB support of course!

 

[Lawgirl]

I'm so sorry to hear of the insensitive, crappy people you have to deal with right now. You have every right to feel the way you do about your sister and your niece. Your dad is the one that needs to grow up and start looking after you!

Regarding your OH, perhaps the cigars are his way of dealing with the problems. Maybe the baby stuff has taken over too much and he is feeling swamped by everything and he is looking for a way of regaining control over what happens in his life. For a long time I thought my OH didn't care about what we were going through because he never really showed emotion about it and he was always so positive about our chances (I now know that he does care).

Take care and feel free to rant on here an much as you like.

 

[Amber3]

Dear B
I am sorry you have to go through so many crappy things. I wish you all the best.
Amber

 

[cooch]

Poor honey. It is shit- sorry but it is. You need to grieve for your loss and take time out from the people who make you feel this way. Why not get your parents to visit you instead of you going round??

Whether or not they (all the ungrateful people) have a baby does not change your situation- this is what I tell myself. You need to focus on yourself and DH and have a rest from all the crap.

I know it sounds silly but I keep repeating to myself- 'It will be alright, everything will work out'. As small a thing as that is, it does make me feel better and helps (not always) to give me a better outlook. xx

 

[Madgirl]

Im so sorry your are having a rough time right now! I completely understand the nicotine issue! My DH dips smokeless tobacco and I have been begging and pleading for him to stop. We have gotten into so many fights about it because he will lie and tell me he quit and then I catch him and we end up in a huge fight over it. I dont have any advice but I know how you feel!

 

[mg80]

*

 

[bdawn8403]

NavyWife - just wanted to say what a lovely post, brought a tear to my (hormonal) eye. I love the idea of someone online screaming with you, even though they're not there in person, feeling the same pain. Awww. Sorry I'm just in one of those moods this week where I find everything really touching!


To the original poster, sending you a big hug. Infertility is cruel and disgusting and is damaging to people and relationships. If it were a person I would kick the shit out of it! We have all been dealt a terribly unfair shitty hand, some more than others, like yourself. I am so sorry for your lost bubba, it must be hell. Your family should be more understanding to you at this time and cut you some slack (providing they know about your MC of course). If I was you I would not spend so much time around your sister right now. I have distanced myself from loads of family and friends since I've been struggling with infertility. Not good but sometimes you need to just protect your own feelings. I really hope you get your BFP soon, you deserve it

It's so unfair how people like your cousin and sister - people who aren't in the right circumstances or even people who do not deserve to be parents - are pregnant and you are not. Life is so unfair!

They do know. My mom was the first to see my hpt after my husband of course because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I have stayed away from my sister as much as possible. I usually go back home if I see she is at my parents house when I go there. The thing is this upsets my mom. Her mother died in June and she is taking it very hard and she has never liked when my sister and I have fought and since its the holidays and she is big into them and now she doesn't have her mom she cries that my sister and I are fighting.