In a bit of a pickle.

[ethansmum]

Hi all,

Just joined this forum and am a single mum to Ethan 15 months (been alone with him since he was about 2 months old). I've got myself into a mess and was hoping to get some advise.. it's a bit of a long read!

When Ethan's father left us (dissapeared, no contact whatsoever, changed numbers, blocked emails etc - also noone in his family has made any attempt to be in Ethan's life), I got in an impossible situation. I went back to working full-time when my boy was about 7 months, and was lucky enough to have a sister move to the UK to look after him as a "nanny", I would never have been able to pull it off otherwise due to a good, albeit not great income.
*note, I am originally from Finland, where ALL of my family lives. I moved to the UK in 2006 and was with FOB pretty much from day one*

Anyhoo, as my sister decided she wanted to go back to finland, it left me no choice but to leave the UK as well, as I didn't want a life on benefits. Besides, I reckoned it would be quite nice for my lil one to grow up in Scandinavia, surrounded by family.

So I quit the job I loved, and moved back here in February this year.
And I absolutely hate it here. I've become depressive in just the couple months I've been back, irritable and just feel alien to life here (I never had the intention of returning, I LOVE London and have the bestest of friends there. I can't relate to life here at all, grown distant to old friends here etc). I've been completely miserable, crying, and actually missing (!!!) FOB, which is so out of my character - believe me I did not miss him one day after he left, he is a complete AH. But anything to get back to London you know, even HE could be an excuse. It's all sad and pathetic, I know, but bottom line is I KNOW I will never be happy here.

I got a job at a really nice office here so it's not like life is hopeless here. The social system is brill as well, heavily subsidised nurseries for single parents etc etc. So financially, it would be best to stay. BUT, I know in my heart of hearts I will only keep getting more miserable if I do. I'd rather be totally skint (for a while) in London than well off here. I've regretted not taking my financial advisor's advice and just stayed on benefits for a year and then go back into working. I regret it so bad it makes me sick to my stomach. My family's fine (we're not a happy clappy family, loads of issues etc so unfortunately the closeness I hoped for hasn't materialised either, which breaks my heart for Ethan as he's barely seen any of them since we've been back. Doesn't exactly ease the depression, put it that way) but I've started feeling so low, I'm irritable around my precious little boy, I can't eat and in the past weeks I've just been a complete wreck. I was never anything like this in London. Even with FOB leaving, I just loved life there, the culture and my friends so much, it was like a band aid - now I feel trapped.

Sorry about the boohoo's, but I really needed this vent

So I've been thinking about returning to London. Does anyone of you know whether I have any rights for housing etc, coming from abroad with my history? I know I should probably contact the Borough I last lived in but maybe one of you know how to go about doing all that? I mean, wouldn't it be better to go back? My gut feeling is very strong about the whole thing. And I've pulled through at the worst of times if I know it's for the better.
Just wouldn't even know where to begin. Also, I considered NOT moving back here for months and cried of sadness when leaving London, I just really believed it would be for the best - and it's not.

Hopefully you guys can help me sort out my emotions

 

[whoops]

I can't advise you on the financials, unfortunately, but I can relate.

I moved back to Ireland when I got pregnant as it made most financial sense, but I'd love to be back in the UK. I loved my life over there, and even though it's been nice reconnecting with old friends, it's still not what I wanted. I'm stuck in my parents house and hate it, so I'm considering claiming rent allowance for a couple of years and moving out, even if it means not being able to work full time.

If London isn't an option, would a move to a different part of the country help? You could build a life for yourself away from old memories.

 

[mamashakesit]

I'm in the same situation, only I moved from Oregon to MN (brrrrr) to live with my parents. I detest it. It's been 6 months now. I thought I would have been out of here long ago, but here I am...still trying to save money so I can leave.

Take advantage of the help and cheap rent while you can and make the most of the situation for now. Try to build a life there and keep busy...it'll happen eventually and at the right time!

 

[Mumof42009]

Sorry your feeling like this, I would look around different areas in the UK not just London as you may get the lifestyle and a better house where the rents are cheaper. Try and sort out everything before you come back that way everything is ready for you x

 

[WhiteGeisha]

I'm not sure hun. I know for most benefits there is usually a question about living outside the UK in the past X amount of months or income from a job outside UK.

If you got a job here and lived here I think you would probably get help by way of tax credits but I really don't know.

Why don't you google HMRC and get the number for the tax credits helpline and give them a call. They are always really helpful and i've rung them many times.

If you are talking about moving back here without a job to claim full benefits and not work I really don't think you will be able to.....is FOB on BC? That might be the only way you get any help as your son was born here (if I am right in thinking he was).

If you have no joy with HMRC try jobcentreplus. They too were helpful with me and did a calculation on the phone then advised me what to do x

 

[littlekitten8]

I dont really know what to advise you hun. Im pretty sure that if you were moving back to the UK with the intention of claiming benefits you wouldn't be entitled to them anyway! I think the best thing is to stick with it for now, save as much money as you can, and sort out a job and house here before you move back. I know its hard but you have to think of the long term rather than just the short term. I spent 6 months sleeping on my parents lounge floor with my little boy because I simply couldn't afford to rent, and despite being a single parent I was not entitled to any housing as a priority and would have had to wait around 2 years to be housed! I saved every penny I had and now rent a house with my son, and work full time. Try not to give up hope.