In for a three year wait!

[Sophie1205]

I thought I would just introduce myself to this section. I joined this site in 2008 when I was pregnant with my son (who is now 7, crazy how time flies!) I'm new to this section and I'm really looking for people to talk to in similar situations because IRL I don't know anyone going through the same thing!

So a little bit about my situation... My OH and I have been together 3 years this month and we have a very strong and happy relationship I have never been happier, ever. We have everything planned out and we've decided we are going to start TTC on my 29th birthday in May 2019 (we will have been together for 6 years by then). There's a few reasons we are waiting so long....

1) Firstly, OH is only just finishing his degree this month and is taking a year out to work and save for a year. Then in September 2017 he will be doing a PGCE, which he will finish mid 2018. Then he wants to make sure he's settled into a stable teaching job for a year before we start TTC in May 2019.

2) I finished my degree last year and have been working full time since. I was thinking about doing a Masters but now I'm unsure. But before we start to TTC I want to 100% make my mind up on whether I want to do a Masters and if I decide I don't want to, I want to find a different/better job.

3) We still don't live together. So we're planning to move in together after OH has finished his PGCE and has a stable job. I want to do it sooner than this as it means waiting for 2 years from now before we can live together but I don't think we could financially do it with him going back to uni and me being the only one with an income.

4) OH is younger than me. I am 26 next week and OH is only 21 (22 in September) so he has always said he wants to be 25 when he has his first child. However, I have always said I want to have my next child before I turn 30 ideally. My reason for this is I have polycystic ovaries and I'm scared the longer I leave it my fertility could become worse. Also....every female in my family has had cancer in their early 30's. My mum had cancer when she was 30/31 and had to have her womb removed. I'm terrified the same will happen to me and I won't be able to have any more babies So the plan is to start trying on my 29th birthday (OH would be 24 then but would turn 25 before we actually have a baby).

Now. Writing all of this makes it seem like it's more on his terms. And that makes me slightly angry inside But the logical side of me knows it makes 100% sense to wait until then as he'll be older and feel ready, we'll be living together, and both be in jobs were hopefully happy and settled in. But......my god it's so bloody hard I've been broody since my LO was about 1..... so in my head I've already been waiting for 6 years and now I have to wait another 3. I am so broody. Oh and I work with children so that doesn't help haha!

I just needed to get this all out because as I said, I don't really have anyone IRL to relate to about this. I really hope I can find people in this section with to go through this long wait together with! Any advice on how to keep myself busy and keep going would be greatly appreciated. I've been finding myself getting really down about it recently because I know I have to wait for so long.

Sorry it's so long! xx

 

[Geebug x]

Hello Stranger!
Sorry you have to WTT for so long, my only advice would be don't - and that isn't helpful!

We are actively TTC - but with problems, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure - I don't have many eggs left, I don't even know if I ovulate yet - have been testing for ovulation for 3 months and had nothing. Just waiting for a consultants appointment where we talk through our next steps.

So yeah, if I could go back I wouldn't have waited a second.

Big

I know it's hard xx

 

[alliec]

Waiting for something you want so badly is so hard. I think the things you've listed make a lot of sense though. I may be biased, however, because it's fairly similar to why we waited as well.

School/jobs: we both needed to finish programs to get good, stable jobs.

Housing: we still lived with his family and were saving to buy a house.

We did have trouble conceiving when we finally started TTC but I believe that we were going to have trouble regardless since we were only 26 at the time so age was obviously not an issue. Our fertility problems were going to be around regardless of if we'd started trying years earlier, but I'm really happy with how everything worked out.

My husband and I were both on the same page which was so important during the harder parts of pregnancy and infancy. Our jobs are stable, we have a good home situation, childcare is not an issue - we really don't have to deal with much external stress or worry.

That being said, our fertility issues were not severe so our wait for a baby was only about 2.5 years. I can understand how people with more severe issues or who are older would not be okay with waiting to try.

What helped me a lot was just focusing on all the things we could do as a couple before we had a baby. We love to travel so we planned trips around our school schedules. We love dogs so we adopted a couple of dogs (who are now our son's best friends). We made plans for and renovated our home. We spent a lot of time on our hobbies (motorcycles for him, dollhouses for me), and we took up rock-climbing together. We essentially really focused on building and strengthening our relationship, and I think it made us better partners and parents.