In-laws don't bother with the children

[highhopes19]

My other half family really do not bother with the girls it makes me so sad especially when they make such an effort with their other grandchildren.

You may know from a while ago I've had nothing really to do with my mil since isabelles 1st birthday! So nearly 4years.

But they continue to leave the girls out.... daisy doesn't no any different obviously but Isabelle is of an age now where she notices it.

Daisy is 10 months old and they have seen her 4 times ! They wonder why she cries when they hold her that's because she doesn't know them really!
They don't live far away so that's no excuse they see their other grandchildren 4times a week and look after them every weekend.
Easter they got belle a bag of mini eggs the other grandchildren had personalised eggs and fancy dress costumes..... I don't want people thinking I'm materialistic but gives you an idea of what I mean.
Ohs nan so their great nan has only seen daisy once...she's not an old great nan if that makes sense Shes in her early 60s

The weekend just gone they took the other grandchildren out but didn't even consider isabelle! Mil comments on all her other grandchildrens photos not once has she ever said anything about the girls.

It makes me so angry especially as Isabelle is noticing that they do things with the others and not her

Does anyone else have the same issue x

 

[mazndave]

Let me guess, are the other grandchildren born to daughters?!

We have a similar issue, although not quite to the same extreme. My husband has 2 sisters, and their son and daughter seem to get treated differently to our 3. They have always been babysitted, they've looked after ours 2 or 3 times in 4 years, and that was at our house, they've never had them overnight. The other 2 get taken away to their caravan, ours never do. Because 1 of the daughters lives at home and the other is there a lot, their kids just seem to be bought stuff in general like toys, clothes, sweets etc. Ours don't get anything other than for birthdays and Christmas.

We were up at their caravan the other month at the same time as my nephew and niece were there. We went for a carvery and obviously they bought theirs as they were with them, as well as a slush. I wouldn't expect them to pay for our dinner, but considering the kids carvery was only £2.99 I thought they might offer to pay for our 2 kids seeing as they'd paid for the other 2, or at the very least bought them a slush. It does sound slightly materialistic, but I do find it unfair that they get so much when ours get nothing. And obviously they get less time and attention too, which they will notice as they get older.

Luckily I'm an only child so they get spoilt by my parents (with love as well as material things!) so it makes up for it.

 

[donnarobinson]

My mother in law is the same with my kids not so bad now she does make more effort but use to be really bad and her daughters kids are favoured other ours X

 

[mazndave]

It's always the daughters kids lol!

I have a boy and 2 girls, and I am bloody determined that they will not be treated any differently when they're older, and neither will any children that they may have. My children are my children equally, my grandchildren will be my grandchildren equally too.

 

[jtink28]

my DH is the oldest of 4 boys. my in-laws live 30 minutes away, and we only see them once every 2-3 months. they are extremely religious - my fil is a pastor of a tiny baptist church. we aren't religious at all anymore. my DH has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship who lives with her mother, and they bend over backwards to see her constantly. when they visit, they're very loving, but they just don't make any efforts. no phone calls or cards in between visits, either. breaks my heart a little because my DH thinks they favor her because she's a girl (they had all boys) and they think she's growing up disadvantaged because her parents aren't together. so they shower attention on her and buy her loads of clothes and toys, but don't make any effort for my boys.

it's a bummer, because i want my boys to be close to their grandparents, but what can i do? DH has already talked to them, but it never made a huge difference...what do i tell my boys? grandma and grandpa don't love you as much because you're not girls?

 

[donnarobinson]

Excali! Well I only have boys won't have that problem lol altho I'm scared I won't get a look in on grandchildren lol X

 

[Ganton]

My DD is 3.5 months old and my MIL has seen her twice. One of those times was at my nephew's birthday party where the attention was on my nephews so she wasn't bothered with my 3. She sees my nephews at least once a week, and babysits occasionally for them. They are DH's sister's children so I think they get more attention because of the closer relationship between MIL and her daughter. In fairness, I don't really go out of my way to suggest that we invite my MIL round and I wouldn't feel comfortable with her babysitting them. Like others have said though, I really hope to be equally involved with all grandchildren that I may have.

 

[SarahBear]

I grew up with grandparents that weren't very close to us. As I became older, it became apparent that my cousins had a better relationship with them. Since I didn't really have much of a relationship with my grand parents, I didn't really care much that they weren't in my life because it wasn't exactly like I was losing anything. When things happen where your daughter can tell the difference, try talking to her about it, but use questions that lead her to think about it rather than telling her outright that they're jerks and try to build up the relationship with her other grandparents instead.

 

[MumToEva]

Know how you feel. My MIL makes no effort to be part of our kids lives. She lives 2 hours away so we take the kids down for the day once a month. She enjoys the children when we are there, but never makes any attempt to visit us (I've given up inviting as the list of excuses why she couldn't come, even when we lived a good bit closer, made me angry), and she never phones. It makes me sad, both for the kids and for my husband. I'd safely say it took me about 2 years to come to terms with it and stop resenting it. Now I just figure it's her loss.