In laws

[Missymoo100]

Hi I just wanted to gather some opinions on my predicament. DD is now 4 weeks old, MIL is really keen to have baby overnight and keeps asking when I can express as currently bf. I think baby is too little to stay over night just yet but I was ok with the idea when the times right. However I was at in laws recently, FIL had lil one for a nurse. He was sat on one of those computer swivel chairs holding her and I noticed he started nodding off! I watched for about a minute until MIL also noticed and said not to be going to sleep with baby in chair to him. I also noticed previous week that he was holding her and briefly closed his eyes whilst looking drowsy. I said to my husband when we left that that's it, no babysitting or staying over. Husband said I was being unreasonable and that it was a horrible thing to say! He said his parents are the happiest they've been in a long time and he won't ruin it by telling them they can't have baby overnight. He did say he would have a word tho, altho can't see how this would help give me any assurance it won't happen again. I can't see how fil can just fall asleep having only had her twenty mins... How would they manage thru the night?. I wish my husband would back me but feel like he's willing to compromise daughters safety to please parents. It's not like I don't like his parents and I don't want to deprive them, they're clearly over the moon but I won't rest easy if they babysit. I can see this being an issue between me and OH. Came to ask others opinions and get some perspective on this. Am I over reacting?

 

[_Meep_]

My little girl just turned 1 and I still wouldn't let her stay overnight with anybody. Least of all my MIL and FIL. FIL smokes and drinks, and is drunk every night. I hate him picking her up.

MIL is irresponsible and overconfident with her. She has lots of very 'good' ideas, such as letting my daughter taste a piece of nectarine, which she then managed to drop into her mouth, almost choking her. I had to tip her forwards and bash her on the back.

I don't like my in-laws very much, and no doubt this somewhat shapes my feelings regarding their behaviour around my baby. But she is just that - MY baby, and I'm not taking any risks just yet as they're not the most sensible of people and my daughter is the most precious thing on Earth to me.

If they don't like that, then whatever. My child, my rules.

Luckily my OH agrees with me. Lol. But if he didn't, I wouldn't back down. He'd be devastated too if anything ever happened to her. I'd rather argue about it than take that chance.

You do whatever is best for your baby.

 

[hlynne]

I totally agree with Meep. You do what is best for your baby.

I could never see myself being away from my son at this stage no matter what. I can't see that changing in the next year either. I would also never leave your baby over night with them since your FIL fell asleep with baby in chair. Ridiculous!!!

Why are they so adamant about keeping such a young baby over night?? Thats a bit weird to me. The baby needs you right now, not the grandparents. They should totally understand that.

 

[wish4baby]

I wouldn't let an infant sleep away from me, no way!
To keep the peace could you say something like, Oh I would BUT she won't take a bottle/expressed milk! Darn...

 

[Rachel89]

Your baby is still so new and small and a newborn. I do not see why you need to let your baby sleepover just to please others? Until you're ready there is no need for that.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I absoultley agree that baby is very young to be staying over anywhere, so I can completely understand. However once baby is old enough I see no harm in allowing them to have her for a few hours during the day? Your MIL seems to be on the ball with regards to your FIL falling asleep etc? x

 

[_Meep_]

I don't see why she should have to take expressed milk in the first place just so she can stay at their house overnight! Young breastfed babies derive great comfort from their mother's breast. Personally, I would definitely not express just so my baby could spend a night away from me unnecessarily. I'd worry she would be upset - or worse, prefer the bottle seeing as she is only 4 weeks.

My LO still seeks me out in the middle of the night to comfort nurse and she's one!!!

I'm not against expressing in any way at all, for the record - it's a fantastic option for when mums have to go back to work, need dad to take the baby in the night for a break, or want to feed their baby breastmilk despite latch/breast issues, etc. But if my MIL was trying to pressurise me to express so she could take N overnight I'd tell her to go express herself down the drain and leave me in peace.

 

[Pielette]

My two boys have never been away from me overnight and they are nearly 4 and 2! It's up to the parents when such things should happen. I don't see the need for a child to be away overnight unless there is an occasion. If people want to then of course that's a different story, but if mum and dad don't want to be away from their babies then what's the point?

You have a cast iron excuse though. Oh I'm really sorry, she just won't take a bottle... Job done and nobody can get mad about that reason!

 

[staralfur]

Four weeks is incredibly early to be leaving a breastfed baby overnight just because. Your supply hasn't come close to regulating yet and a night away at that stage could actually hugely affect your supply.

I think it's veeeeery early for them to be pushing to have her overnight. Just say you're not ready yet and you want to wait until her feeding is more regular.

I don't think I'd say my LO would never be allowed to stay overnight in your position as the falling asleep thing won't be an issue once she's older. I'd just say "not right now" as there are multiple reasons to not leave a baby that young overnight, the biggest being that you just don't want to, and then revisit it when she's older.

 

[TTC First]

I thought you said lo was 4 months and I was thinking that it wasn't all that bad. Now I read 4 WEEKS......are you kidding me? No way my lo will be anywhere without me or DH at 4 weeks! You are soon right to say no.

As a compromise maybe you could ask your inlaws to come to your house to watch the baby (while you are still home). This will give them a little independence with the baby however you are still home to make sure that all is ok. Asking them for help may make them feel needed. This gives you the opportunity to catch up on some chores, put your feet up and rest a bit, or have a shower. It will be a nice break for you.

 

[MrsT&Ben]

It all depends on what you are comfortable with. For me I wasn't bf and desperate for some sleep so my boy first stayed at someone's house from 10 days old. But didn't and hadn't regularly stayed anywhere without me. My daughter was about 5 months old when she stayed at granny's (my mum) but other than one other time hasn't stayed anywhere else without me.

 

[LoraLoo]

I think baby would likely be fine as there's 2 of them so even if fil was nodding off in sure mil would take baby off him.

However, there's not a cat in hells chance I'd be letting anyone take my baby away for the night. Not happening. My 6 yr old has only slept aT Nans 3 times aNd my 3 yr old and 20 months never have.

It could play a bit of havoc with your milk supply too, you could say you are struggling to express or something but if you're not comfortable just stand your ground- you're mum, your rules go x

 

[Larkspur]

I cannot for the life of me understand why a grandparent would want such a tiny baby overnight. My eldest is nearly three and hasn't stayed with my parents, whom he adores, just yet.

My inlaws will never have either child to stay, not that they would want to, but they would also not be responsible enough.

 

[Smile181c]

My LO first stayed overnight at my inlaws at 9 weeks old, and he stays at least once a month even now but he was bottle fed and I trust them more than I do my own mother, who has never had him overnight due to her volatile relationship with her boyfriend (I'm loathe to say stepdad!)

I think that to say your LO will never be allowed to sleep over because of your FIL getting drowsy is a bit of an overreaction BUT baby is only 4 weeks old, and your breastfeeding isn't properly established so for them to keep asking and pressuring you isn't fair of them at all. You need to do what's best for you and bubs but also take your DH's opinion into account as well as they are his parents and understandably he doesn't want to upset them x

 

[Prinny_1]

It's lovely that you don't have any issues with your LO staying with your in-laws theoretically and I'm sure you would feel more confident with leaving him with your snoozing FIL when baby is older. You obviously have a great relationship with them. BUT there is no way I would leave a 4 week old with anyone. Your supply would undoubtedly be affected and baby would miss out on the milk that is produced at night which is supposedly richer in nutrients. I also think you would be so worried and feel you were risking your baby's safety. IMO Mummy knows best at this stage; you are the only one who has that special intuitive relationship with your baby, you are the one who gets up and feeds your baby all hours and you're the one who gave birth 4 short weeks ago. Your husband and in laws need to support you, not make you feel that you are over reacting; you're not. SIDs guidelines state you should never fall asleep with your baby in a chair, full stop. Stand your ground now because there are many more of these kind of battles that follow with in laws and husbands when you're raising a child!! X