In love with a name I'm worried I can't use

[iluvcocopops]

ive been searching high & low for a boys name, but every time I say the name Michael I get this warm comforting feeling. My mum would have called little sister If she had been a boy, so it's always been a name I've loved - basically my favorite boys name ever. My DD is called Molly & I think Michael goes lovely with Molly.

However my cousin had a child called Michael who was born disabled & passed away 6yrs ago when he was 12. I don't know if choosing Michael would make her feel honored or upset her.

DH, DD & my mum love the name too.

 

[Amygdala]

Sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think if you're at all in contact with that cousin or she'll hear about your baby from others, then you can't use the name Michael. She will be missing him every day anyway and I think having a "new" Michael in the family would likely be very hurtful. To me, the risk of that would be too high to even ask her about it, as that would likely also stir up painful feelings and I definitely wouldn't use the name without asking.

 

[LoraLoo]

Honestly, as a bereaved mum Id be really upset if a family member used my little ones name. Just being honest, sorry.

 

[Eleanor ace]

I wouldn't use it. I'd feel different if her son hadn't passed away, but I would worry that it would seem like her son was being replaced by a new Michael in the family, and hearing his name would be like a slap in the face reminding her of what she's lost.

 

[krissie328]

My mom named one of her twins (who passed) Joshua. My aunt use the same name within a couple years and she always mentioned it. It really hurt her.

So in response I wouldn't use it. Possibly ask, or maybe even use it as a middle name.

 

[KylasBaby]

I wouldn't use it. I'd imagine it would quite hurt your cousin. Even though her child has passed that is still his name. There is already a Michael in the family so I wouldn't use it. I know people in families can have the same name, but that's his name, his identity. And because he passed that's all the more reason to keep that his name.

 

[Weebles]

If anyone in my family used my brothers name.. It would not feel as if he were being honored. It would show a complete lack of empathy towards our grief over his loss. Even just imagining someone doing this makes me sad and angry. Just think about having to introduce him as Michael to her. What is she supposed to say? "Oh, that's such a nice name, I really like it?" Of course she did, it's the one she chose for her son. In situations like this it still belongs to him. You all can decide you like the name enough to not care if that's what you really want to do but there are plenty of names out there that won't cause a family member pain. I think you should cross this one off your list.

 

[Witchrose]

Okay, I'm coming from this from a different perspective than the previous posters. In my cultural/religious background it is considered a great honor to the deceased and therefore quite common practice to do so. That said, I don't know anything about your background, family, etc. Is such a thing common in your family? What is your relationship with your cousin?

Would you feel comfortable bringing it up? If so, maybe you could phrase it along the lines of: "I had something to ask you but it is of a sensitive nature. I was wondering how you would feel about... I want to respect your feelings..."


If she says, yes, she is very touched by it.. great. If she says it would hurt her, than I would choose a different name.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I wouldn't use the name. I would imagine it could be quite upsetting for your cousin.

 

[staralfur]

I could imagine I'd feel extremely hurt by that if I were in your cousin's position.

I'm not sure why she'd feel honoured as you're not specifically choosing the name to honour him.

So I'd skip it. I wouldn't even ask, honestly, just in case she felt the need to say she didn't mind to avoid tension but really was hurt by it. It puts her in an awkward situation either way.

 

[iluvcocopops]

Thanks for the replies & I guess those were the responses I was expecting. I won't use the name, but I would like to give a little background as to why I love the name...my mum was pregnant with twins, but miscarried one of them. I went to all her scans with her & watched the remaining twin grow...we called it baby M because if it was a boy it would be Michael & Amy for a girl. A little girl it was, but we often wondered if the twin that died would have been Michael. Any how's that's the reason why I've always loved the name.

 

[Lucasmum]

I seem to be the only one who has a different opinion I think if you speak to your cousin first and let her know your feelings then she may be ok? I know if it were me and one of my cousins I wouldn't mind if they approached me first

 

[jogami]

I'm with the pp that said that it is an honour to name your child after someone dear that has passed. In our culture it is as well. But I would ask her how she feels about it; it could really go either way.

 

[Jessicahide]

I would be fine if someone in my family used my sons name. He passed away 11 years ago, he is mine and i don't feel like other people with his name feel or sound like when i say his name. I know what i mean x

 

[florence_]

I would speak to your cousin if ur close. My dh cousin passed away at 12 and he is close to his uncle (the boys father) the cousin was james and we named our son noah james specifically after his cousin. Dhs uncle was so touched and he adores our little boy it depends on the person. An extended family member called her little boy noah james 2 years after our boy was born and i was fuming inside but thats the type of person i am so it works both ways maybe ur sons middle name can be michael? I wud speak to your cousin though . Names are forever you dont want to not use a name you love u will regret it i think x

 

[smileyfaces]

No I wouldn't use it unfortunately

How about Mikey? Micah?

 

[iluvcocopops]

I was thinking of Matthew but DH doesn't like it. DH, DD & my mum all love Michael. I think my mum has waited so love for a little Michael because obviously the name means a lot to her. My cousin & i aren't really that close. Her parents live beside my parents, but I live 30miles away. She's about 10yrs older than me so we never really hung out together. If I ever saw her I would stop & say hello, but we were never really that close growing up cause of the age gap.

 

[Jessicahide]

I was thinking of Matthew but DH doesn't like it. DH, DD & my mum all love Michael. I think my mum has waited so love for a little Michael because obviously the name means a lot to her. My cousin & i aren't really that close. Her parents live beside my parents, but I live 30miles away. She's about 10yrs older than me so we never really hung out together. If I ever saw her I would stop & say hello, but we were never really that close growing up cause of the age gap.

Use the name you love xxx Honestly i know some people have suggested they would be hurt, but i wouldn't so i suggest you do what makes you happy, its a lovely name.

 

[Boo44]

I was thinking of Matthew but DH doesn't like it. DH, DD & my mum all love Michael. I think my mum has waited so love for a little Michael because obviously the name means a lot to her. My cousin & i aren't really that close. Her parents live beside my parents, but I live 30miles away. She's about 10yrs older than me so we never really hung out together. If I ever saw her I would stop & say hello, but we were never really that close growing up cause of the age gap.

Sounds like you've already made your mind up to me.

I'd be really hurt if a family member used a name in that way especially without asking

 

[Zephram]

I really wouldn't use the name as personally I think it is insensitive. If you wanted to honour your cousin's son I would be inclined to use it as a middle name only, but not a first name.

Sorry, if it was me I would forget all about it!