In Need of advice...

[MissTeexx]

Ok, So here goes. - This is going to be long!
I am currently 17wks pregnant to my ex boyfriend (Were together for 3 years). We split up a year ago today! (New Years Eve) But continued to obvioucly have sex. I am now in a new relationship (1month) with a guy i have known for about 7 years, He is a superstar. Great guy & i love him to pieces. He is very keen to have kids & is soo happy that im pregnant but obviously sad that its not his...

My ex wants to be apart of everything baby related(Well so he says!) but im jst not sure wat to do...

The other day we had our first appointment with my gyno. I dressed up as you do for appointments like that & waited for my ex to get to my house so he could take me to the appointment ( was in a car accident n didnt have my car back) firstly he got his times mixed up & we ended up being 45minutes late. He arrived at me house unshaven(like 2 weeks work of pubes on his face!) with a pair of thongs on jeans & a shirt that read the following : MISSING PUSSY, a big picture of a cat on it, HAVENT HAD IT IN A WHILE. I was so discusted at this that i didnt speak to him until we arrive at the hospital. I felt like such an idiot walking in with him looking like that. I felt like i was being looked down apon by everyone. I get enough grief being a young pregnant teen but to be looked at like im an unfit& uncaring mother is more hurtfull...

When we got in to see the doctor he got me up on the table to check LO's heart beat & i was so gobsmacked at the fact that i could here my little ones heart beating & he didnt even flinch. was picking at his fingernails to be exact... it actually took me to say to him oi! thats our babys heart beat! n he went "oh yeah..." n went back the his fingernails...

Im trying my best to be as healthy & organized as i can for this baby & feel as though his lack of effort makes me look like a piece of shit. He doesnt even see that he is doing anything wrong.

I hate the fact that he acts like he doesnt even care & my boyfriend who isnt even the father of my baby would kill to be where he is!

The other day i asked my ex if he had told his mum that i was pregnant yet.(His dad is the only one that knows as he works for his dad so it makes it easier to get outta work for appointments) His reply was that he'd been given advice to not even tell her until he gets a dna test... That hurt as i know he is my LO's dad...

I want to be supported. I want to have someone with me that actually wants to share this experience with me but i dont know if i have it in me to say look, i dont want you at the appointments. Then the other side of me is saying... he's said all these things about getting DNA test why would he care ???

STUCK!! HELP!!!

 

[Serene123]

I, personally, wouldn't let him come to the appointments! Take your boyfriend instead. I know if he is interested he should be involved but he doesn't sound like he wants to be. Tell him to prove he wants to be involved or get lost!

 

[Laura--x]

I, personally, wouldn't let him come to the appointments! Take your boyfriend instead. I know if he is interested he should be involved but he doesn't sound like he wants to be. Tell him to prove he wants to be involved or get lost!

i second that.

 

[MissTeexx]

I have, He tells me he is. Thing is i see him dressing & acting that way as a sign of not even caring but he doesnt see it! SO FRUSTRATING!

 

[MissTeexx]

Also... i dont want to get my boyfriend to involved... i know it sounds really harsh but i dont want my baby to be confussed about who daddy is...

 

[Laura--x]

DO you want your ex involved in the babys life? or are you saying you just want him gone so you and your bf can raise your child?

The thing is, its always going to be the 3 of you now, he'll be involved some way or other x

 

[baby#4due2/16]

Tell him how embarrased you were by how he dressed. if hes not in your life besides appts. tell him you dont want him to go...doesnt mean he cant be there when baby is born. thats up to you...let your new guy go to appts with you so he can be supportive

 

[MissTeexx]

DO you want your ex involved in the babys life? or are you saying you just want him gone so you and your bf can raise your child?

The thing is, its always going to be the 3 of you now, he'll be involved some way or other x

For the babys sake i want him there but not 4 any other reasons...

 

[MissTeexx]

Tell him how embarrased you were by how he dressed. if hes not in your life besides appts. tell him you dont want him to go...doesnt mean he cant be there when baby is born. thats up to you...let your new guy go to appts with you so he can be supportive

I told him i was embarassed & that i didnt want him coming in with me but he just brushed it off...

The relationship is so new... ive known him for ages but i dont know where its going to go... i dont want him to get too attached just yet u know.... is that wrong ??

 

[Laura--x]

Tell him he needs to sort himself out, if he wants to be a dad he needs to act like one. I hate lads who go around wearing them sort of tops, some might say its just harmless but it really annoys me for some reason.

Tell him how he made you feel, how he showed no interest and if he isn't going to try then hes invited to go..

 

[MissTeexx]

Tell him he needs to sort himself out, if he wants to be a dad he needs to act like one. I hate lads who go around wearing them sort of tops, some might say its just harmless but it really annoys me for some reason.

Tell him how he made you feel, how he showed no interest and if he isn't going to try then hes invited to go..

So do i. But more when they wear then too meet doctors! rude arogant lil so & so! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR he annoys me!

On saying that thou i want the best for my baby. I want there to be a civil relationship between us but i just cant see it happening anytime soon...

How do you be civil with someone who u dispise so immensly..........?

 

[Jemma_x]

Id tell him if he wants to have something to do with the baby he gets his act together, wearing a tshirt like that is not appropriate especially to the doctors

 

[tasha41]

You're still early in. He could change. If not I suggest reminding him that sure your SPERM can make a child but it takes a lot more than that to be a father.

You don't have to bring him to all of your appointments? Or does he tell you he wants to come?

My boyfriend I'm sure would come to all of them but works full time, so I only brought him to one, and it doesn't bother me that he doesn't come to the rest because I prefer going alone.. they're all pretty uneventful unless there's complications, ultrasounds are different obviously but the monthly check ups seem to be the same everytime - pee in a cup, get weighed, listen to heart beat, check blood pressure, ask if you have any questions, etc.

 

[ajarvis]

I think I may have a different opinion than the others.... but my OH was not overly interested in the doctor's appointments that we had with my son. He wanted to come, but really wanted the baby to come - he does not dress like your "traditional father" he can be looked down on for how he dresses, but is an awesome dad!

I personally would not take my new boyfriend to appointments if the father of the child said he was interested. That could just cause conflict. I'd take no one instead if it makes you more comfortable.

As for the DNA test he's probably getting advice from other people telling him this and that. It would piss me off though.

 

[kellysays2u]

My OH doesnt ever really seem excited at the appts sometimes it bothers me but I think its just cause he doesn't still realize shes there every moment of the day yet. Hes been getting more excited now after he has actually felt her move but you have to remember they are men also they dont show there emotions as much as we do. Like at our ultrasound my OH didn't show he was excited at all but the moment we were out of the room he texted all of his friends as fast as he could... He never gets excited over the heartbeat though... the movements yes but the heartbeat not so much...

Maybe he just doesn't feel like a dad yet. Its hard for someone to grasp that theres a baby when there isnt one there yet... He doesn't have to go to the appt but if he wants to even be in the babies life i would take that as a blessing hun. A lot of guys this age walk out.

 

[tasha41]

About the DNA test.. are you sleeping with your new boyfriend also? Like had you been cheating on him with your ex or were you not together when you got pregnant by your ex?

I don't think I can blame him for wanting the DNA test realllllly seeing that you're with another guy.

It doesn't sound like he's trying to evade any responsibilities or deny the child, he just seems to want to be sure?

 

[MissTeexx]

You're still early in. He could change. If not I suggest reminding him that sure your SPERM can make a child but it takes a lot more than that to be a father.

You don't have to bring him to all of your appointments? Or does he tell you he wants to come?

My boyfriend I'm sure would come to all of them but works full time, so I only brought him to one, and it doesn't bother me that he doesn't come to the rest because I prefer going alone.. they're all pretty uneventful unless there's complications, ultrasounds are different obviously but the monthly check ups seem to be the same everytime - pee in a cup, get weighed, listen to heart beat, check blood pressure, ask if you have any questions, etc.

Basically he is coming in my opinion & tells me he wants to come because his dad tells him its the right thing to do. Whether he actually wants to i dont know...

 

[MissTeexx]

About the DNA test.. are you sleeping with your new boyfriend also? Like had you been cheating on him with your ex or were you not together when you got pregnant by your ex?

I don't think I can blame him for wanting the DNA test realllllly seeing that you're with another guy.

It doesn't sound like he's trying to evade any responsibilities or deny the child, he just seems to want to be sure?

Ive known my new boyfriend for 7years but we only started having sex 2 months ago (already preggerz) I had slept with someone else 4wks before i slept with my ex but used a condom & was sober. (I was on the pill, CHances of falling pregnant are higher when your drinking &having unprotected sex) i had sex with my ex like every day... so its definately his... there is no doubt about it. Just hurts that he even asks... i dont mind... he can get one but he's wasting his time... i feel like a bit of an idiot... or a slut even... that he feels he needs one...

 

[MoonMuffin]

Also... i dont want to get my boyfriend to involved... i know it sounds really harsh but i dont want my baby to be confussed about who daddy is...

I'm adopted so I think that your daddy is the person who loves you and raised you, also kids aren't stupid. If you explain that you used to love your LO's dad, but things changed and now your boyfriend (even if your with someone else then the current guy)is the man you love now, they will understand. It's ok if your boyfriend is more involved with your LO then their "real" dad. Your LO wont be confused about who their dad is (especially if he sees her and such)ou can have both men be involved. Kids are much more understanding then people give them credit for.

 

[MissTeexx]

Also... i dont want to get my boyfriend to involved... i know it sounds really harsh but i dont want my baby to be confussed about who daddy is...

I'm adopted so I think that your daddy is the person who loves you and raised you, also kids aren't stupid. If you explain that you used to love your LO's dad, but things changed and now your boyfriend (even if your with someone else then the current guy)is the man you love now, they will understand. It's ok if your boyfriend is more involved with your LO then their "real" dad. Your LO wont be confused about who their dad is (especially if he sees her and such)ou can have both men be involved. Kids are much more understanding then people give them credit for.

Yeah i understand this but i dont know how the relationship is going to work between me & the new guy... i dont want him to get too attached just yet...

He really wants to come to the 18wk scan but i dont know what to say... i want him there but i dont want them both there... i know its right to have the FOB there but hes soooo unsupportive...