In need of some advice?

[vickyandchick]

Hi all

My OH and I have recently broken up after a lot of discussions about him not being happy away from his family and at work and that he feels depressed. We argued about some stupid things and he was so depressed and I was angry at some of the things that he'd done so I suggested he should go and stay with his best friend for a few days whilst all the emotions/hormones calmed down. He came back on Sunday and said that he loves me, I make him happy and haven't done anything but he wants to "put himself first for a change" and doesn't want to be with me He can't even explain why and when I told him that it wasn't his place to give me a cuddle and that I was obviously right when we used to say "I love you more", he got really upset and stormed outside

I've been trying to be civil and friendly even though I just feel heartbroken, he came to my 20 week scan but then bailed on coming shopping with me as he had a lot of stuff to do for work. I was just sad that me and our son keep getting pushed to the back of the line He went home this weekend and I told him that I'm really struggling right now and feel like I can't cope, he then told me that he's really upset too and is probably struggling more than me I know he's stressed being away from his family and that he hates his job but not only was he the one that walked away, I even suggested us moving back to London and him getting a different job as I'd rather we had a bit less money than us be unhappy.

I have no idea how this is going to work, he wants to be there when his son is born but right now he's shown me no support at all. I don't know how he can expect to just waltz in like everything is okay when I'm in bloody labour He also works 6 days a week from 8/8.30-7pm so I don't know when he'll be around for my little boy. He said he wants to think about himself for a change but we have a baby on the way he says he's gonna be around but I'm just worried that when he's too tired from work or has a new girlfriend he's hardly ever going to see him. He's also said that he'll be able to spend whole days with him and have him sleep over at his, but when he's newborn he can't just whisk him off for the whole day and he's just moved into shared housing so I can't imagine they're gonna want a screaming baby there at night. I don't know how to arrange anything as he won't talk to me, how do you all make things work with your child's father?

I'm just so worried as this wasn't the life I'd envisaged at all He wasn't happy about the baby in the beginning but when I said I wanted to keep him, he said that he wasn't going anywhere and wasn't going to leave as that's what his dad did I just don't know what to do, sorry for the novel I just had to get it out.

 

[daneuse27]

So sorry you're going through this To be honest, he sounds very childish and selfish. He wants to think about himself 'for a change?' It seems that's all he thinks about. His son is his family too and he needs to imagine what you're going through (carrying the baby) and do everything to be there for you. I think your son and you both deserve better.

As for visitation, it will depend on a few things; such as whether you plan to breastfeed or not? Breastfed infants obviously can't be away from their mothers for too long, although you can always express. It sounds like you want him to be in your son's life and I believe he does have every intention of being (how reliable he is though, I can't say ) I think its harder for some men to connect to the baby before its born, so maybe you'll end up having a better idea of his commitment level after the birth. Maybe you can make arrangements you feel comfortable with then. I agree though, I don't see how a baby could be brought back to a shared living situation for overnight visits. Maybe you would start with shorter visits and work your way up to longer ones as your ex hopefully saves money and gets his own place.

If he gets a girlfriend and never sees your son though, then he doesn't deserve him! A real man wouldn't let anything stand in the way of having a relationship with his child.

 

[tallybee]

So sorry you're going through this To be honest, he sounds very childish and selfish. He wants to think about himself 'for a change?' It seems that's all he thinks about. His son is his family too and he needs to imagine what you're going through (carrying the baby) and do everything to be there for you. I think your son and you both deserve better.

As for visitation, it will depend on a few things; such as whether you plan to breastfeed or not? Breastfed infants obviously can't be away from their mothers for too long, although you can always express. It sounds like you want him to be in your son's life and I believe he does have every intention of being (how reliable he is though, I can't say ) I think its harder for some men to connect to the baby before its born, so maybe you'll end up having a better idea of his commitment level after the birth. Maybe you can make arrangements you feel comfortable with then. I agree though, I don't see how a baby could be brought back to a shared living situation for overnight visits. Maybe you would start with shorter visits and work your way up to longer ones as your ex hopefully saves money and gets his own place.

If he gets a girlfriend and never sees your son though, then he doesn't deserve him! A real man wouldn't let anything stand in the way of having a relationship with his child.

I agree, sorry you're going through this hun

 

[moomin_troll]

Well he wasn't away from his family, you and your baby should be his family! Plenty of people hate their jobs, it's called being a grown up and dealing with it.
I hate the word depression bein thrown around as much as it is. Maybe he is depressed, I don't know him. But when I went through the worst time of my life and was very depressed, I wasn't such a child to the people who love me.
What a jerk! Don't let this all be on his terms, sounds like all his does is think about himself.
You're upset right now, but for me I'd rather be alone then with someone who didn't deserve me and could put me threw something like this.

One of my favourite quotes is "don't worry, it won't help"
So simple, hard to do but don't drove urself crazy with what could happen