In vitro vs. Adoption

[vineyard]

We just learned of a 4 month old who is available for adoption through the foster system. I hate that I'm starting to second guess my decision for in vitro. If my in vitro results are negative, I just pray that this little girl is still available.

This is all causing me way too much anxiety.

 

[JASMAK]

We just made the decision not to adopt and to continue TTC. It is a very hard decision, and I second guess myself all the time.

 

[hayz1981]

It must be so stressful for you - you're just so scared of making the wrong decision. But I really think there is no wrong decision, whatever you decide to do.

If you decide to stick with your decision, your in vitro will hopefully work, in which case you end up with a gorgeous baby. If it doesn't and that little girl is still needing a home, maybe she'll be that gorgeous baby, and if that little girl isn't still available it means she's found another loving home, and there will be another baby out there that needs you. Or maybe you'll have a second go at in vitro and conceive that time. The thing is, any of those things could happen. You will have your baby and it will all come right in the end. It's just right now you're not 100% sure how that's going to happen.

 

[maz]

Does it have to be one or the other???

We're considering adopting / fostering as well as having my own, as I feel there are a lot of children out there that need a loving family to care for them. It's something that we will most likely do, but the timing for us isn't right at the moment...

 

[hayz1981]

Does it have to be one or the other???

We're considering adopting / fostering as well as having my own, as I feel there are a lot of children out there that need a loving family to care for them. It's something that we will most likely do, but the timing for us isn't right at the moment...

thats what we'd like to do too. I know in my area you can't do both at the same time though - if you want to adopt, you cant be undergoing any kind of fertility treatment - they want you to be 100% focused on the adoption. I assume thats possibly the same in most places... So for now we are on the TTC road. The adoption road will follow later on I hope.

xx

 

[vineyard]

I agree. It does not have to be one or the other. If I get pregnant with a single baby then we will probably pursue adopting her. However, if I end up with twins, then I don't think I can do it.

 

[FJL]

Is adoption a straight forward process in the USA?? I just ask because in Australia, national adoption is a 12year wait and international is a 5-7 year wait, you can move overseas and have that time dramatically cut, but moving overseas is a pretty big upheaval!

For these reasons, we will not ever be taking the adoption route.

Aside from that, the approval is nuts. You have to be 100% healthy, have a healthy BMI, you can miss out if you have a bad family health history etc. I just couldn't put myself through "our" national process.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[vineyard]

YOu have to be healthy here...as in, not going to die tomorrow. It's usually a couple year wait if you want a domestic infant. But, if you adopt out of the foster system it's about 6 months. The little girl we are looking at is in the foster system. We could get her in our home as a foster child in 9 weeks. And officially adopt her in 6 months.

 

[FJL]

Oh Wow Vineyard! I like the sound of that system! What are the chances of her being taken away from you in the 'foster' period?

Wishing you so much luck with it all!

 

[vineyard]

Chances would be slim in this particular instance because her father has signed away his rights and mom is in the process of doing the same. My husband and I have done a lot of talking and have decided that if the in vitro is negative we will for sure pursue her. If it's positive, then she's meant to go with some other family. Being so young (4 months) and in foster care, she will get adopted out into a good home quickly.