Increased desire to conceive after the loss of a parent

[kbk]

Hi all,

I have been lurking on this site the past few months and have decided to join in the conversation.

This past Father's Day (June 18, 2017) I lost my dad very unexpectedly. He was only 56 and just did not wake up that morning. While I know that grief can affect people in many different ways, I was not expecting to have such a huge increase in my desire to conceive. I have always wanted children but right now is just not the right time for DH and I. I am currently trying to work through all of this and figure out if this crazy baby fever is due to me wanting a joyful distraction, where I am in life, or what.

Has anyone else had a similar experience after the death of a loved one or does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the baby fever until it is a better time for us to ttc?

 

[PinkUnicorn.x]

First of all I'm so sorry about your loss.

I noticed no one had replied to this but i've been faced with a similar situation when my Auntie passed very suddenly just over a year ago, so i just wanted to add my thoughts.

I guess for me it was the realisation that I'd been taking life for granted and losing someone so young, and so suddenly really shocked me, and the fact that for me it's really important in my life to A) become a mother myself and B) get to introduce them to my family members, and I'm already really gutted that my Auntie will not be here to meet my children. So where I was on the fence about it before, afterwards, the first thing that I came home and told my OH was that I seriously need to start thinking about children, there isn't really any reason why we shouldn't try, and to me, now, waiting just feels like missed time.

This might not make sense, or may be completely different to how your feeling, but like I said, i related to your post and didn't want to read and run.

 

[kbk]

Thank you for your response! I'm so sorry to hear about your loss as well.

I think it has been especially hard with how sudden and unexpected it was, which I am sure you can relate to. I am blessed to have all of my grandparents still living so it was my first big loss and "out of order" so to speak. I feel the same way where I am sad my dad will not be there to meet any children we may have and that my children will not get to have him as a grandfather. I feel the same way with it making me take a long look at my priorities and realizing that being a mother is high on that list.

DH and I have started having talks about when we want to ttc. DH is finishing up a grad program and working full-time so he is not interested in ttc just yet. He wants some time to relax a little after he's done with school and is thinking more like 2020 for ttc, whereas I would rather late 2018/2019. I am trying to not push him too much but it has been hard not to talk about it all the time when I cannot seem to get it out of my head so any advice on how to deal with that would be greatly appreciated.