Introducing myself :) ... and a couple of questions

[isabelsmummy]

Hi ladies!
I never thought I would be in the single parents section Im Christine, I'm 24 and I have a 2 year old daughter Isabel and a one year old son Oliver. Husband and I were together for five years but he left me this weekend, before we have even made it to our second wedding anniversary.
In January he lost his business and went bankrupt. Up to this point we were the happiest couple ever. He was my best friend before we took the step to become more than friends and he has been my best friend for the last 5 years. I honestly believed we were soul mates, we never argued or bickered, just had lots of fun together.
Since the bankrupcy he changed. He became distant and uninterested and we havent dtd since February. Things ust went downhill with us and he eventually made the decision that we should break up on Thursday (or was it Friday? this week has been a complete blur)
I tried begging him to come back, saying we could make it work and no marriage is perfect bla bla bla but he is not interested in a reconcilliation, so Ive decided to accept it and try and get on with life. I am surprised with how well I am coping on the outside.
I am in the middle of moving into what was going to be our family home with the two kids, the house is a tip, it needs decorating from top to bottom, but my full family has been absolutly amazing and have donated so much time and money (mil and fil even gave me 350 pound to help me out!) to help me get sorted and make life easier for me and the kids. I am also due to return to work on Monday, my first full time job since having Isabel. I will be an apprentice Health care assistant in the NHS and it really is my dream job, but I cant help but dread it at the minute. So much is changing in babies lives, I feel guilty for leaving them to go to work. My mum will be looking after them while I work so they wont be with strangers, but I just feel so guilty.
The kids are coping fine at the minute, to be honest they have barely noticed anything change. Husband has been living at his mums and has had them sleep over there and has still seen them quite a lot over this week, so I don't think they have really noticed any change.
I am heartbroken, more for my kids than myself. I will eventually get over it and make a life for myself, but my kids have a broken family forever, and they deserve so much better than this

I am a little concerned about money so if anyone can help me out I would really appreciate it! I will be working full time, but only earning less than ten grand a year due to it being an apprenticship (but for an apprenticeship its very well paid). What kind of working tax credits am I looking at? Also, when I
spoke to someone from income support yeaterday he said as I am studying in college one day a week this may not be counted towards my working hours so I may be entitled to some income support as well.

Also, what type of money should my husband be giving me for our two kids?

Sorry this is so long - feel quite thereputic writing all that down! Hope someone can shed some light on this situation - its not something I ever really had to consider or look into before xxxxxx

 

[Dezireey]

Hi and welcome x

I think one of the first things you need to do to help you cope and to make life easier is to stop thinking that being a single parent is like having the sword of Damacles over your head or the 'end' of wonderful life. It's not and your life will only get worse if you think that this situation is dire. Unfortunately a very large amount of marriages with kids break up in today's society, it's a fact. The sooner people stop saying being a single parent is like having your entire life ruined, the sooner people like you can heal, cope better and move on. Things will be hard for a while but it will get better and you will find happiness. Doesn't seem like it now but with a positive attitude ( when you feel ready) you can have a good life for you and your kids. Maybe your husband is going through some personal crisis and doesn't realise what he has done? maybe not? But treat it as him not coming back and you will be prepared. As far as benefits are concerned, just call the number on the direct. gov website and they can send you a claim pack and / or tell you what you are entitled to.

Good luck Hun, you'll be fine. And there is nothing wrong with coming into this section of babybump. Sure people are upset on here and share problems more than most but we all find strength from talking to each other and a lot of us become much stronger ladies despite everything, you will too.

 

[isabelsmummy]

I must have worded that wrong, Im very greatful for this section of BnB, its just my relationship was always so stable and loving I never expected to be a part of it, sorry I didnt mean to hate on the section lol!

Thank you for your supportive reply xxx

 

[Dezireey]

No, I didn't mean it like that sweetheart, just trying to make you see that despite everything and being alone, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you are not alone. A lot of us (me included) were in love and in stable relationships / marriages and our partners just up and left us, so we feel and understand your pain

It's a really great forum to get advice and see how others cope in similar situations and giving your own advice to others I think helps to.

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

Although it seems hard and horrid, being a single parent does have it's plus's. Sorry to hear about everything, but it will start to get better, until then, just try not to look back, and think what you might be missing, until you are genuinely strong enough to deal with it, all that matters is here and now!

I agree slightly with the above post, whatever is going on with your husband - he clearly needs space, and i would treat him as not coming back too- that way if he was to come back then you deal with that, but if he doens't you'll just drag your hurt out longer - hope can be very painful and dangerous.

Remember in all this the children are the most important, and in order for you to look after them etc, you have to think of what's right for you and them.
I think it'll be really stable, and comforting for them to be looked after by your mum.

As for getting the house done - at least you can do it your way, and the girls way. Just prioritise it, if there is no bath - obviously that'd probably be the room worth doing first, if it's all ok - just not appealing to look at, don't pressure yourself into it, but it'll keep you occupied!

Sta strong and you'll be fine!

 

[WhoopC]

Your situation sounds very similar to mine with the exception that I wasn't married to my OH, but when we first got together he had just lost "everything"...his businesses (2), his bank account seized (due to business law suit) found out one of the daughters he was raising as his own wasn't his after 16 yrs (DNA test), and then lost his home to a tornado. I offered, well begged, him to move in with me so that he could recover & get back on his feet and BOY OH BOY did he make my life a living hell. He was severely depressed and everything I would say or do would set him off. Literally, I was treated like shit for 9 months until I said enough is enough and kicked him out. After he went out on his own for 3 months, we got back together after his depression subsided and he found his way back to GOD. It was during this reunion stage that I became pregnant. It was literally a gift from GOD because he was told due to a medical condition that he would never be able to have any more kids. He was a completely different person before he became depressed due to life's circumstances, but I knew who he was deep inside. He is now back to who he was and we are pretty much happy. Don't get me wrong, we have our ups and downs for sure, but **~I can see clearly now the rain is gone**~. My advice to you is....give him a little space and time. Men react differently to loosing their job or business or career than women do, to many men that is their complete identity. I know when he was depressed, my OH would have walked away a million times if he had the money to. I hope everything works out for you and your children.

Oh, and I have 2 children that are now 18 and 19, and I raised them from birth completely alone with very little help, and yes it was challenging but there are positives to it. For one, I never had to answer to anyone on how I was parenting, it was all my decision. And my kids are very well rounded and independent because growing up their Mother had to work her ass off. They are very adaptable and very diverse because of my raising them alone.