Introducing myself :)

[KayteeB]

Hi girls well i think im going to be a quite a regular in this forum because i can really relate to so many of you so i thought id introduce myself and tell you all my story

Well im 18 years old and i have a little boy called Kai whose 5 months. I was seeing his dad for 3 years before i got pregnant. I was 14 when we met and we were never official (casually seeing eachother) but of couse i fell in love and that was a big mistake. When i found out i as pregnant he told me to have an abortion and we had a massive row which ended in saying "just tell me whe its here" which i ignored and i tried to get on with the pregnancy. I have to admit, having severe morning sickness which kept me asleep all day and night did help keep him off my mind.

My mum decided to move us all out of London and down to Sussex which i hated with a passion but obviously had no choice. The night before we moved i was 4 months pregnant and out of the blue i got a phonecall from him. We spoke normally and just about life really. He asked me if id kept the baby. He asked me to come and see him which i agreed to etc. After the call he texted him saying "i cant say im happy about this, but i am happy i didnt get a hoe pregnant"

I saw him and everything was fine. He touched my stomach and we spoke etc. After that i didnt hear from him, i texted him when i found it i was having a boy and didnt get a reply. I then got back in touch with him at 35 weeks at which point he said he would see Kai and be on the Birth Cert which i was escatic about.

Kai was born on the 18th Aug and when i messaged him to let him know he said he'd be down to visit shortly. He never came. He then said he'd be down to visit in the holidays but he never came and last time he said he'd be down at christmas but never came. As he's away at Northampton Uni i do try to understand but i feel so let down that he hasnt even met Kai yet. His parents dont even know Kai exists.

I recently got with a new guy Reiss who was amazing and from my previous post you all know what happened there.

So here i am £300 in debt cause of him, i am on good terms with Kai's dad and i hope in time he will be in Kai's life and on the birth cert. He says he didnt want Kai but he cant abandon him now he's here which sounds rich seeing as he's never made the effort to come and see him and mum wont let me bring Kai to see him

I do struggle as a single mum to a baby but i try my hardest battling depression and trying to be a good mum.

I hope to get to know you all bettter xx

 

[Crumbsx]

Sorry that FOB has turned out like that I can relate to you though, both your past and your FOB problems now.

I know you probably want FOB to be in Kai's life, but he's been given chances and from what you've said it seems he just can't be arses (sorry:/) and you and Kai don't deserve to be messed about by an idiot like that

Btw, I'm 18 years old too I have a little girl and I was with the FOB two years before I got pregnant (we got together when we were both 15)

I hope things get better for you, you and kai deserve so much better than FOB and that other lad. And Kai is gorgeous!

 

[LTEx]

i'm battling depression aswell hun so if you ever need someone to talk to i'm here horrible isn't it but its brilliant that you're on good terms with kai's dad wish i was my names lisa btw hello xx

 

[teal]

I think the best th ing to do is try to live as though it will just be you and Kai. I know you've said you're on good terms with his father but from what you've said he's not bothered at all. It just might be better to try and move on rather than feeling like you're waiting on him if that makes sense.

I don't have any contact with FOB and I did suffer PND so I really understand how hard it is at times xx

 

[dustbunny]

Hey! I am 23, work in MIU/Mental Health/Community Health and am a photographer and have battled depression [something FOB tried to get me into again!]. BIG WARM WELCOME!!!

I got some really good advice the other day which is basically what teal has said, live as though it is just you and your baby. FOB has had the opportunity to be involved, you have given him every opportunity on a plate and he has still pissed about, leaving the door open a jar for when he can be bothered. I hate this about men, thinking they can walk back in when suits them regardless of the stress and upset it causes LO and you.

I am pretty sure if I phoned [note it would be me and not him!] my FOB we could talk like normal until anything about the baby was mentioned, guaranteed he would say he would contribute and want to be involved... and now over a month later from that phone conversation I have heard nothing except through friends he has upgraded his photography equipment which is well over £1000.

My point being, I'm not bothered with him anymore and my LO does not need someone who is simply going to waste time and upset them in the long run. Sometimes it is just better to leave things as they are.

 

[BadassMom]

Hey! I am 23, work in MIU/Mental Health/Community Health and am a photographer and have battled depression [something FOB tried to get me into again!]. BIG WARM WELCOME!!!

I got some really good advice the other day which is basically what teal has said, live as though it is just you and your baby. FOB has had the opportunity to be involved, you have given him every opportunity on a plate and he has still pissed about, leaving the door open a jar for when he can be bothered. I hate this about men, thinking they can walk back in when suits them regardless of the stress and upset it causes LO and you.

I am pretty sure if I phoned [note it would be me and not him!] my FOB we could talk like normal until anything about the baby was mentioned, guaranteed he would say he would contribute and want to be involved... and now over a month later from that phone conversation I have heard nothing except through friends he has upgraded his photography equipment which is well over £1000.

My point being, I'm not bothered with him anymore and my LO does not need someone who is simply going to waste time and upset them in the long run. Sometimes it is just better to leave things as they are.

I loooove how men can talk a blue streak about all the great things their GOING to do but never end up actually DOING any of it. I've always wondered if their lying intentionally at the time, or really mean to do these things they promise but end up changing their minds?

Anyway welcome!!!!!

 

[jaytee146]

my lo's dad did the same... and like you were were together for a while*years* after he kicked me out our home and I discovered I was expecting I was very afraid. Our Child support hearing is in April and that will be the first time he's ever seen his child. He often refers to my lo as "it" It came to me that in order to be a great mother to MY daughter I have to stop devolting energy towards him. I know I know easier said than done. I rarely answer the phone when he calls and when he does I know he's trying to snoop around to find out my personal business. He hasn't called in a while now and for that I'm almost greatful I hate the monster I become when we speak. And I don't want my daughter around that. I know it's not easy and sometimes I look and my lo while she's sleeping and cry from how difficult this is, has been, and will be.

 

[KayteeB]

Thanks for the support and hugs ladies it really means alot
i feel alot stronger and i know i have to keep fighting for me and my little man
xxx

 

[holidaysan]

Sending you lots of You LO is gorgeous! I to am battling depression and like you things with OH didnt start out well. After having LO its only recently i feel we have thing sorted out and im now actually happy which i never thought id be.

Dont ever give up, things will work out for you. As for FOB, its his loss. You have your gorgeous LO. I wouldnt bother taking Kai to see him. I know you just want Kai to have his daddy but even if he never sees him he will always have you
You sound like your doing so well. Chin up and some more