Is anyone else LTTC and against adoption?

[Charlei]

Pretty self explanatitory question. Is anyone LTTC and not willing to adopt or use a surrogate? I'm struggling with LTTC, as always, but won't adopt or use a surrogate and am just feeling really alone.

 

[BabyBean14]

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[Wish4another1]

been actively TTC since March of 2013 been off pill since July 2012 not one BFP... and my husband is completely against adoption at the moment and no IVF or IUI...
I feel very alone. It seems I am on the sidelines while others are actively pursuing a baby. Plus being 41 - well time stands still for no one. Trying to get my mind around my husband never being "daddy"
bleh...
so we just keep trying every month...
all this just to say... you are definitely not alone!!

 

[JJKCB]

me too... Ive seen to much of the other side of adoption and someone always gets hurt, its very rare that a child has no one so someone lost that child to adoption, I have friends who have spent their whole adult life looking for their adopted siblings

I couldn't do surrogacy, im not agaisnt it, ts a lovely thing for someone to do if they're willing but I dont know how you could carry a baby for 9 months then just hand it over and from the infertile side it would kill me to watch someone else carry and birth my baby

 

[europa59]

I am, but I'm in a different spot than you because I have one child by adoption already. You couldn't pay me enough to go through the adoption process again.

 

[uwa_amanda]

Pretty self explanatitory question. Is anyone LTTC and not willing to adopt or use a surrogate? I'm struggling with LTTC, as always, but won't adopt or use a surrogate and am just feeling really alone.

My husband and I decided it was not financially feasible for us to do IVF or adoption. We are no longer TTC and are moving on from this chapter after seven years LTTTC. I am feeling very alone now because I have no one in real life to talk to about this and don't really fit in anywhere on the forums anymore. I'm more of a lurker than a poster nowadays. I just felt compelled to respond just so you'll know you aren't alone.

 

[CareBear]

I've been ttcing 7 years, considered iui privately but wouldn't have increased my chances of falling pregnant in the way the clinic wanted to do it, I can't do ivf and I won't consider adoption as I know exactly how the process goes and I wouldn't use a surrogate either, especially after finding out about the woman who scammed people recently. I want to be pregnant not "just" have a child, I want the whole shebang, lumps bumps warts and all.

 

[Briss]

same here, we have been TTC 4 years, tried everything you can think of from supp/lifestyle changes to Chinese medicine to male hormones (low sperm count issue) to IVFs – all failed, no improvement. There only time we had a sight of a BFP was on our first IVF - ended in chemical – very cruel that was. donor egg/adoption etc is just not an option. I recently lost my beloved father so having my biological children is the only thing that matters, nothing else comes close really. and I agree it's lonely. also I find people who have adoption as their plan B sort of thing are doing much better in IVF, it's like they let go off natural TTC/IVF cos it it fails they have other options while we do not have that. I personally think this contributes to our failures but I just cant figure out what's plan B after failed IVFs? just more IVF, there seem to be nothing else out there I have not already tried and failed… feels pretty miserable

 

[Kallie3000]

Hi there! I am just new to LTTTC territory, after being with my DH for 7 years, TTC for 1 year (recent chemical pregnancy on cycle 12 was my first BFP):

From my perspective right now, I would be willing to do:
- IUI, IVF, and other medical treatments, as money allowed. I get some coverage through work insurance, but I don't think it covers much, so we would do the treatments as we could afford them.
- I am only 27 (though DH is 38), so I wouldn't consider adoption for at least 8 years, when I start getting into 'advanced maternal age' categorization. At that point I'd have had 9 years of TTC, though, so who knows what I'd be willing to do.
- I don't think I'd ever consider surrogacy. The main reason I have against adopting is the desire to have a biological child who I carry for 9 months. If the child was biologically my husband's but not mine, and I didn't get to carry the baby, then I would rather adopt.
- I would consider sperm donation, but I don't think we have male factor infertility anyways, and it would be a near last resort as well.

 

[Kallie3000]

Also, I should say that I hate the 'advanced maternal age' category - it isn't like a switch gets flipped at 35 that completely changes your fertility. From what I've heard, doctors can be really weird about it. Our whole fertility and baby making industry is bizarre and insensitive.

 

[Kallie3000]

I've been ttcing 7 years, considered iui privately but wouldn't have increased my chances of falling pregnant in the way the clinic wanted to do it, I can't do ivf and I won't consider adoption as I know exactly how the process goes and I wouldn't use a surrogate either, especially after finding out about the woman who scammed people recently. I want to be pregnant not "just" have a child, I want the whole shebang, lumps bumps warts and all.

In Canada, it is actually illegal to pay a surrogate! So that option is completely limited here, unless you go to the States for it.

 

[crowlovebirds]

My husband and I have been LTTTC for two years and five months for baby #1. I wouldn't adopt or chose a surrogate because I want a baby of my own. I don't just want a baby I want to be pregnant, have all the late night trips to the bathroom, morning sickness, getting huge and everything else that comes with pregnancy. I want to give birth to my own child. My husband and I are still young but sometimes it just feels like it's never going to happen for us. I have PCOS and my husband has a low sperm count 9 million per milliliter. I would like to do IUI but insurance doesn't cover much if anything at all. I just had an HSG test done and I have to pay $1400 ugh!!! That's what my insurance didn't cover. FX crossed for everyone and baby dust to all!

 

[Kallie3000]

That is brutally expensive - it seems the height of cruelty to charge that much for LITERALLY life giving medicine...

 

[crowlovebirds]

I know I was not happy when I got that bill! The lady at that hospital told me it was only going to cost $850 and I had that in my HRA fund threw the insurance so she said I wouldn't have to pay for anything but boy was she wrong!

 

[wtbmom_tx]

I've been trying to conceive for the last 9 years (DH and I have been married that long). We have been threw a lot together. We did say we would look into adoption if our last FET didn't give us a positive. Well we got a BFN, and my DH automatically said we would save more money to try IVF again at a different clinic.
As for a surrogate, I've had a couple of friends offer to carry my baby, and my husband has suggested it too, but I'm iffy about it. I want to feel my baby move inside me, like most of you (or all), I want to go through all the stages of pregnancy. Don't know if this happens to any of you, but I get irritated when people complain about a pregnancy symptom. I would want to feel that 1,000 more times than not being able to get pregnant naturally due to not having my tubes.

 

[Briss]

wtbmom_tx, i totally get what you mean re pregnancy symptoms. the only time I am happy in TWW is when I have nausea, for most people it's strange to be vomiting and being happy about it but obviously deep down I hope this nausea is related to possible pregnancy (which it never is unfortunately)

 

[madtowngirl]

Also, I should say that I hate the 'advanced maternal age' category - it isn't like a switch gets flipped at 35 that completely changes your fertility. From what I've heard, doctors can be really weird about it. Our whole fertility and baby making industry is bizarre and insensitive.

It really is, and strangely enough, a lot of the "fertility declines at 35 omghaveababynow" mentality comes from data that is hundreds of years old. I'm not even kidding. Here's just one article about it.

Edited to add, if you do read the above article, skip the comments section. It will either make you angry, or make your brain hurt.

To answer the OP's question-

My DH is against adoption, but I'm not completely against it. It's actually MORE expensive in the US than IVF (I've seen estimates of $45,000!), so it would really be a last resort for us. Plus, I'd want to go the international route, if we did it. It sounds terrible of me, but with the way U.S. laws are, I'm too scared that we'd end up having a mother change her mind.

Surrogacy is pretty much out of the question. I'd rather adopt.