Is anyone scared of change after a baby?

[Kmariee]

Hi everyone! I have been with my SO for 7 years. We have always been extremely close, and get along so well. We really enjoy eachothers company and doing things together.

I have wanted a baby for several years now, and always thought id be excited once my SO was ready to try. Now that he is on board with it, im suddenly scared. Im afraid of the change when the baby comes..im afraid of labor.....most importantly im afraid of not having alone time with him anymore and it pushing us apart.


Is it normal to feel this way? I love him so dearly and I really would love for us to become parents....I just dont know how I will adjust to not being able to do whatever we want whenever we want... and I feel guilty for thinking this way..

 

[Shoemama]

It's so normal, girl! Some couples are completely ready to just dive right in and commit to parenthood, but other couples have goals, dreams, lifestyles, hobbies...life is a multifaceted array of people and their varying avenues of joy! Don't feel guilty at all. I will say that it's not something many people actually regret. Sure, in your dark moments you might think "THIS SUCKS" or "I wish I could go back, just for a day," or any number of things like that. I've even though "I wish I'd waited to start having kids!" Which is silly because then I wouldn't have my AMAZING DD1 and all the brightness that she is.

These are complicated emotions. They'll always be complicated. That's what being human is. No one can tell you when or if you're ready to be a parent. When your heart is ready, it will be ready! And even when you are ready, a certain degree of trepidation is absolutely expected. It's part of the whole experience.

 

[Kmariee]

It's so normal, girl! Some couples are completely ready to just dive right in and commit to parenthood, but other couples have goals, dreams, lifestyles, hobbies...life is a multifaceted array of people and their varying avenues of joy! Don't feel guilty at all. I will say that it's not something many people actually regret. Sure, in your dark moments you might think "THIS SUCKS" or "I wish I could go back, just for a day," or any number of things like that. I've even though "I wish I'd waited to start having kids!" Which is silly because then I wouldn't have my AMAZING DD1 and all the brightness that she is.

These are complicated emotions. They'll always be complicated. That's what being human is. No one can tell you when or if you're ready to be a parent. When your heart is ready, it will be ready! And even when you are ready, a certain degree of trepidation is absolutely expected. It's part of the whole experience.

Thank you so much for your input! I have always hoped for that "oopsie" that left us with a beautiful baby...but now that its time to start trying I think reality is starting to kick in and all of the "what ifs" are rushing through my head.

 

[Shoemama]

Thank you so much for your input! I have always hoped for that "oopsie" that left us with a beautiful baby...but now that its time to start trying I think reality is starting to kick in and all of the "what ifs" are rushing through my head.

I totally know that feeling! I get those, too. Like...I just potty trained our last kiddo. Do I REALLY want to start that all over? Our youngest will be in preschool and we won't have daycare costs anymore...do I want to add that onto there as well? So many doubts and what ifs that run through your mind. But then I look at my wonderful husband, and I see the ardent desire in his eyes to be a daddy and hold a little one and watch them grow up step by step like he has been denied thus far. And then I realize it's totally worth it.

You feel whatever you need to feel! In the end, I promise you that you will feel content with a little one.

 

[Arlene04]

Yes! Only I haven't been with my fiancé for quite 2 years yet, so for me it's worried about changing things "too soon"! We have a chaotic life right now, and I fear our life will not calm down before it's time to have children. I made a thread about it when I first joined... we are in our early 30s so eager to start a family, but I'm worried to "rob" our relationship almost. But also so looking forward to experiencing family with him... it is a joy and that will overwhelm any of the things we fear are "downsides" right now.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I have always been scared of change, both before and after having my babies. Sometimes I have to push myself really hard and get out of my comfort zone. I hated it at the time but usually it paid off. I totally understand how difficult it is

 

[Pne1985]

It’s extremely difficult. But it’s only a decision you and your OH can make together. We now have 2, and our lives are so different, sometimes I feel like we live different lives. I am with the kids almost 24/7 and he works nights but we make it work. Someday we will have our “just us” relationship again but for now to me, our kids are my first priority. I miss the days we had together before children but they are memories and I’m going to miss our children being small also. It’s a change that you have to really think about but at the same time, there is no perfect timing to become a parent. If you have a good relationship, you can make it work. Good luck for whatever you decide! Don’t stress about it and have fun with your OH!

 

[Jary]

It can be really hard making the adjustment to parenthood. But you just have to both go in it together and find your own way of doing things - don’t think “oh I need to do this because this is how someone else did it” otherwise you’re likely to find you have more pressure on yourselves to change your dynamic. Me and my hubs just went with it, we still made sure we didn’t let having a child stop us from doing things we like like catching up with friends (with our little one in tow) and later on going to sci fi conventions and having her involved.

Does having a baby change things? Yes it does, but then also you find you can’t imagine life before them and you’ll find new ways of adventuring and in some ways they help you do things you’ve never done before. And it gives you a whole new lease of life.

It is still important to get time to yourselves - date nights once baby is a bit older really help.

I must admit im worrying about baby number 2 and how it might change things with us. My daughter is 5 and wants a sibling but what if that changes once the next one is here and she doesn’t want to be a big sister? What if me and hubs struggle to manage our time?? All those things pop into my head but I feel like I just need to throw myself into the chaos like I usually do and see what happens!!! Life is more interesting that way

 

[Pne1985]

It can be really hard making the adjustment to parenthood. But you just have to both go in it together and find your own way of doing things - don’t think “oh I need to do this because this is how someone else did it” otherwise you’re likely to find you have more pressure on yourselves to change your dynamic. Me and my hubs just went with it, we still made sure we didn’t let having a child stop us from doing things we like like catching up with friends (with our little one in tow) and later on going to sci fi conventions and having her involved.

Does having a baby change things? Yes it does, but then also you find you can’t imagine life before them and you’ll find new ways of adventuring and in some ways they help you do things you’ve never done before. And it gives you a whole new lease of life.

It is still important to get time to yourselves - date nights once baby is a bit older really help.

I must admit im worrying about baby number 2 and how it might change things with us. My daughter is 5 and wants a sibling but what if that changes once the next one is here and she doesn’t want to be a big sister? What if me and hubs struggle to manage our time?? All those things pop into my head but I feel like I just need to throw myself into the chaos like I usually do and see what happens!!! Life is more interesting that way

I feel like after the second, our lives got so much more chaotic. But our second child is much more busier and clingy to me. Which I love but it also makes it hard to have any alone time or downtime for myself. I made the mistake of her sleeping with me because I nursed her and so she wouldn’t cry and wake up our 4 year old son And now she won’t sleep without me! But I am kind of adjusted to our life now and want more since it’s crazy and sleepless already! Haha