Is it right to try for child number 2?

[chocolatemog]

Hi all,

looking for some support and feedback from others in a similar situation. I have a lovely 3year old daughter, she has autism. She is very high functioning so is doing well with speech, socially though it's going to be a long rd.

I would like another baby, but DH is scared. It will be hard work, I know that but I think it would be worth it and I want my daughter to have a sibling since there are no local cousins in the works.

I actually have a little "am I pg?" obsession going on this month. I am really getting into it now, maybe feeling some symptoms and AF isn't even due for 2weeks! It would be an absolute miracle if I was pg...but I still have a crazy hope. DH would FREAK OUT!!. I had a miscarriage last year, D&C, size of feutus was around 9 weeks and he freaked out the entire time. He hated that I talked to mum about it all...so this time I figure if I am pg I will talk to you all instead

Anyway, anybody have a similar story.

 

[velvetina]

Hi lovely,

Yes I walked this path many many times and know exactly where you are coming from. I did indeed have ds no. 2 and have just had a daughter. My eldest. Stanley, is nearly 14 and was 10 when Chester was born, we had come a very long way in that time and I do wish we hadn't waited so long before having another. I won't lie, I stressed and worried for periods of Chester's development although we had gone with the attitude that if it happens again, we will cope as we have done it before. Chester is nearly 4 and is a whole different ball game to his brother. Stanley has done really well and although goes to a special school with an autistic unit, he is in many ways like a typical teenager. He is a handsome kind and gentle soul who is a very different boy to the one we had at 3 years.

Chester is developmentally is bang on with the exception of social skills, plays more alongside although he talks about his peers, so we are having him checked out, but his speech and academic levels are all age/above age appropriate.

I instantly wanted another just after I had Chester and we decided when he was 2 to try again and it took a while and we just had a girl. I am just enjoying her at the moment, despite a very scary start (she was born with an apgar of 0 and needed full resucsitation). Am determined not to become obsessed with looking for red flags and so far am really enjoying her.

I didn't want Stanley to be an only child, and to be honest if I was younger would be tempted to have a 4th but that will be it now. It is hard, I won't lie, but I always said I have done it once before, if I have to I can do it again.

Good luck hun and congratulations with your daughter sounds like she is doing great. My son made big strides from age 3 upwards, if I had known at 2-3 what he would be like now, my journey wouldn't have been as dark as it was.
x

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I had my daughter before my son was even diagnosed so it was different but I honestly think it was the best thing I ever done as its lovely knowing he has someone who understands him to go through school together etc x

 

[jojo2605]

Hi hun, I don't have a child with autism personally but do have a child with disabilities so do have the worry about having another child. Plus my 3 younger siblings are autistic.

We have to meet with a geneticist in a few months to discuss the possibility (or not) that our LO's problems could reoccur. The chances are not, but I can't help but worry to death that it could all happen again. Strangely though I would do it all again in an instant, just in the hope that this time I'd have a normal pregnancy, normal birth and time after too. So don't feel bad for wanting antoher, it's a perfectly natural thing to do!

With regards to my younger siblings: they are actually my half (same mom, different dad) and they are all 3 autistic. It was a very hard time for my mom and step dad, and me too really, only being 9 when my first sister was born. But with a lot of hard work and pushing, all 3 of them went to main stream school and they are now 15, 17 & 18 and have grown up to be the most amazing people. You wouldn't even tell my sisters have autism, they have come soooooo far. My bro is amazing too, he is more obviously autistic than my sisters, but even so he is the most sensitive, clever, adorable person and I love them all dearly!!!

Autism seems so scary at first, and the first few years are really hard, but it can all turn out well. My siblings are a testament to that!

If you want antoher child hun, speak to your OH about it, tell him how you feel? I'm sure the chances are having another child with autism are slim (despite my family history) and I'm sure your child would love a sibling! I know I want Sam to have one. IF they tell me the chances of having another child with problems is high, I'll adopt for sure!! I want him to share his young life with someone of a similar age!