Is Lo relationship with FOB more important than my happiness?

[hopeful4bfp]

I am thinking of leaving FOB. I am just tired of all the BS. I'll try to give you a little background..

I was married, in an emotional and verbally abusive marriage. My husband refused to work, turned down good paying jobs just to stay home and play video games and collect the little unemployment he got. While I worked 60 hours a week for a very small wage. He would scream at me and throw things and tell me that I was useless and worthless and I needed to get another job so that he could buy thing for his game.

I finally got the courage to leave him and thats when I met FOB. It was just suppose to be a fun fling. A way to heal my bruised ego and mind.

Before it got bad with my husband we were trying to get pregnant but was told I didnt ovulate right and conceiving would be impossible. It caused a lot of hurtful and resentful feelings in my marriage. I wasnt able to give him the family that he always dreamed of.

Because of that, I wasnt too worried about protection with FOB. Well it was a huge surprise that I got a BFP about 5 months into our relationship. This was never the kind of man I wanted to have a baby with. He is twice my age, has 5 other children, he never sees them and never pays child support. Ive had his other baby mommas knock on our door in the middle of the night just to try to talk to him because he has them on call blocker. He isnt even a drop in dad, isnt one at all.

Now with my DD, He has been to every ultrasound and dr appt, he was there for the birth and has been there everyday since. He even says that its different with her than his other children and he loves her more ( which I find horrible in and of its self). DD loves him, just lights up when he walks into the room and he will come in and just scoop her up and loves and cuddles her. He pays for half of everything for her and is a great father to her.

Now as a partner to me, not so much. He refuses to sleep in the same bed, he has started to sneak out at night to "see a friend or to go to the store", he lies, and spends money and cant tell me where he spends it, its just missing. He refuses to go out with me to dinner or anywhere else. while I was pregnant I hated DTD. It hurt and I got absolutely no pleasure from it. FOB would pressure me and pretty much threaten me with him cheating till I would give in and lay there in pain and biting my tongue til it got too much and I had to beg him to stop. It has left me with feelings of being violated and unable to have a sexual relationship with him as it brings back horrible feelings.


A couple weeks ago some of my friends invited me to go to drinks with them and I asked FOB if he minded, he said he was tired from working all day and wanted me to stay home and help with DD, so I did. 2 weeks ago I got invited again and FOB said it was fine. I was gone for 2.5 hours and was back by 11. Last Saturday I get home from working at the hospital for 12 hours and I am trying to get DD down as we are in the middle of transitioning from cosleeping to crib. He tells me that he is going out with a friend, I asked him not to as I was tired and had to get up early in the morning to work another 12 hour shift at the hospital. I continued to try to get DD to sleep and when she finally went down I went into the living room to talk to him and he was gone. He just left without telling me goodbye, giving me a kiss, or checking on his daughter. He got back at 2 in the morning.

Then yesterday he left early for work, he usually wakes me up so I didnt set my alarm. Well since he didnt wake me up I was late to drop DD off to daycare and late to work. I called him and asked him why he didnt wake me, he said he left early and thought about putting my phone in the bedroom so he could call and wake me but didnt. That just shows me that he thought about the fact that I would over sleep and CHOSE not to do anything about!!

I know that if i leave him I am on my own, I will get no help from him at all. and DD will not see her Daddy she loves so much. I have absolutely no affection for him left. I get angry just when he walks into the room. I cant stand the thought of him touching me.

So my question is, would you stay just so your lo can get the support of FOB or would you leave and try to make it on your own?

Thanks ladies for reading my novel and any advice you can give!!

 

[Ceejay123]

I'd leave... If he loves your daughter he will be there for her, and have a relation ship with her despite everything. A lousy and unhappy relationship will be an awful upbringing for her.

 

[ChloeNbabe]

I agree with previous poster. If he loves your daughter he will make the effort

 

[babyrough]

Sounds very similar to my now ex partner.
He was a compulsive liar, talked to me like shit, selfish, and a complete control freak. But he was always good with LO and LO loves his dad so much. Then I found out he had been cheating on me with lots is different girls on several occasions. That was the final straw and I made him leave.
My advice to you would be to leave now, don't live your life miserable because your worried if you split up he won't see his daughter. If he loves her he will make the effort, if not she will have you to love and provide for her. You will be so much happier in the long run and happy mum makes happy baby

 

[Dezireey]

Sounds like you should leave him. He isn't a good partner and no child wants to have memories of their Mother crying or being treated like crap by their Dad. As others have said, if he is a good Dad to her, he will continue to be so, regardless. If he doesn't, then he is just an arsehole that is best left to his own devices.

 

[CandyDay]

I would leave him. You don't want your DD growing up thinking that how he treats you is acceptable cause then she will grow up thinking its normal when it's not. And it could hurt her in her future relationships.
Plus she can sense your unhappiness which will affect her as well as you.

 

[creatingpeace]

Where do you believe he may be going when he sneaks out?

What is your plan?

If it were me I would likely want to be away from him, he is being emotionally unavailable and not very supportive of you. Obviously up to no good. if you think it is salvagable get him in for counselling.