Is there any hope

[Jenny Bean]

Hi there, I am new to the web site here.

I will be 35 in July, I have been in a relationship for 9 years.
He is not currently interested in marriage or kids currently , fyi he is the same age as me.

I was randomly looking for fertility percentages as you age on the web and kinda freaked out.

I am struggling with starting fresh in a new relationship. Ultimately I would like to be married before having a baby, however, if I start over realistically that probably would be 3 years from now. If i can have babies at all.

I was also considering freezing some eggs but that is very pricey at this time.

So I don't know if at this point in my life if there is any hope for me at all to have a baby and worried that I have lost my window.

Also i have been off the pill since July and my period last for about a day each month and is sooo light so worried that I am going through menopause?

Any thoughts, thanks so much

 

[Mellybelle]

It might be an idea to see a Doctor, Jenny. I doubt its menopause, but perhaps some kind of hormone malfunction. Its could be something easily fixed.

 

[princessjulia]

i agree i think its too early for menopause i would have check up at drs just to give yourself peace of mind. my friend just gave birth before xmas her partner didnt want any kids as soon as she got pregnant he left for a wk came back they now gettin married in may its weird how some men work it turned out he was scared of commitment now hes decided he wouldnt be without his cutie pie son hope that helps

 

[Petzy]

Hi Bean welcome

 

[BBgirl]

I would get checked out at the doctor for your peace of mind. If it was me, and hindsight is a wonderful thing - I would get my eggs frozen. Because fertility declines a lot after 38. Only now the technology allows for them to be frozen with an excellent success rate of thawing, but when I was 35 the technology was poor. I guess it wouldn't harm to make an appointment at a fertility clinic to discuss your options. My life experience - TTC for 3 years with 2 miscarriages and still nothing - has influenced how I feel about egg freezing.

 

[Jenny Bean]

Thanks BB Girl,
Thanks some good insight for me to concider.

Sorry about your struggles and I wish you a BFP soon

xox

 

[sarahincanada]

at 35 I feel you are still young enough. and you have nothing to lose...if you stay in this relationship you are not having babies from the sounds of it, so it may be worth starting new. you should definitely talk to a fertility specialist about your options, but dont forget lots of people naturally have children at 38, 39, 40 and so on. Yes there are a lot of people who struggle too, but its not definite you will have problems. rather than be in this relationship definitely not having babies wouldnt it be worth trying to alternative?
will you be sad to leave this current relationship, is it good apart from him not wanting babies?

 

[BabyBabyBear]

hi Jenny,

Have you talked with him about this? Some guys just don't know there's limited time for us women! You should let him know about your concern.

But if you have talked with him and that was his answer, then I think you should really decide whether to stay with him or start another relationship. Yeah I know it's hard cuz you've been with him for so long. But if you really want to get married and have kids in a couple of years, seems like he may not be a suitable guy for you. I think you have to weigh the importance.

About your irregular period, I read from this forum before that it's cuz of a hormonal change after coming off pills. You should ask the Dr about this.

And freezing the eggs seem to be a nice idea too. I mean no matter you're going to start a new relationship or not. Sometimes it does take time to get pregnant. See I just turned 35 last month and I've been trying since last Mar... Of course it depends on individuals but it's hard to say sometimes. So if you can afford this, it may be a good idea.

btw, do you how much is it approximately for freezing the eggs?

 

[TaeBoMama]

Hi there, I am new to the web site here.

I will be 35 in July, I have been in a relationship for 9 years.
He is not currently interested in marriage or kids currently , fyi he is the same age as me.

I was randomly looking for fertility percentages as you age on the web and kinda freaked out.

I am struggling with starting fresh in a new relationship. Ultimately I would like to be married before having a baby, however, if I start over realistically that probably would be 3 years from now. If i can have babies at all.

I was also considering freezing some eggs but that is very pricey at this time.

So I don't know if at this point in my life if there is any hope for me at all to have a baby and worried that I have lost my window.

Also i have been off the pill since July and my period last for about a day each month and is sooo light so worried that I am going through menopause?

Any thoughts, thanks so much

Hey Jenny, it can take up to a year to have normal periods and ovulation after discontinuing the pill. It's always a good idea though to consult your doctor when you have concerns. As far as your partner goes, it sounds like you have some soul searching to do (I think you've already started this process). If this is the man you want to spend the rest of your days with, perhaps you should share your concerns (and the stats of TTC after 35). If he still won't budge, then you'll have to decide if you can live without children, and without being married. This man has had 9 years to figure out if he wants to marry you are not. Perhaps he needs to know that if he isn't willing to commit, you may be willing to find someone else who is.

Conceiving after 35 IS definitely possible. However, the stats prove that it can take longer, and there will be a few who find they can't conceive. You have a lot to think about.

Best wishes!

 

[Jellybean0k]

Hi there, I am new to the web site here.

I will be 35 in July, I have been in a relationship for 9 years.
He is not currently interested in marriage or kids currently , fyi he is the same age as me.

I was randomly looking for fertility percentages as you age on the web and kinda freaked out.

I am struggling with starting fresh in a new relationship. Ultimately I would like to be married before having a baby, however, if I start over realistically that probably would be 3 years from now. If i can have babies at all.

I was also considering freezing some eggs but that is very pricey at this time.

So I don't know if at this point in my life if there is any hope for me at all to have a baby and worried that I have lost my window.

Also i have been off the pill since July and my period last for about a day each month and is sooo light so worried that I am going through menopause?

Any thoughts, thanks so much

I thought I was going through menopause, turns out I was pregnant. I'm 40 by the way

 

[Omi]

Have you discussed this with him at all? reason for me asking is that i was 33 when i got together with my now husband and im now nearly 41. At the time I was a mature student at Uni and it was clearly not feasible to start ttc at that time as money etc prohibited it. Once i finished Uni, and may i add i had several convo's that centred about me losing valuable time trying for a baby. Once i was out of education he agreed that it was time. Having said that, even then there has been times where perhaps his dedication was less than at a premium. We have since resolved this as best as can be.

I do think it helps having experts in the field giving you both a low down. I never got to go to a fertility specialist at an earlier age (than 38) as already pregnant, however since he has come along as required and has had to hear the actual statistics and they are not that good, for me that is.

For you at age 35, you are still very much at the prime of life, any problems notwithstanding are usually easily fixed. My advice would be to focus on the issue of baby and hopefully getting marry wont be to far behind. I can only speak from experience that a lot of men will suddenly consider marriage once children come into the picture (my husband proposed after my first mc). And if that is not the case, well you've got to decide what is most important to you.

A childless relationship, where you are essentially being forced to accept his stance on children and commitment. if you could come to an agreement of children at least the you might have something to work with.

If he refuses to entertain any of these ideas you might have to ask yourself what is more important? Are you sure you will always be together? A partner might come and go but a child won't.

You are very definitely between a rock and a hard place....i can only sympathise

I hope you get this resolved to your satisfaction. All the best,

Omi xxx

 

[msflowerfairy]

Hi,
Just popped over, and saw your post.

I am 35, and am currently 16 weeks pregnant with our first child. We have been married for 10 years, and i never thought we would be in a position to have children. We wanted to do it properly, so we both worked hard, bought our house, planned an extension, and then i found out i was pregnant!
I have now given up work, and will be a stay a home Mum.

I was losing hope that we would ever have children, but my OH wanted to set us up properly before doing so, and sometimes trust me i despaired of him, even hated him for not giving me the opportunity earlier to have a child.

We are due in July, and it just goes to show there is always hope.

If your partner is adament that children are not for him, then you are in the wrong relationship. Sorry to be blunt, but you could be wasting your time trying to persuade him to take part in something he clearly is not interested in. This will not only be hard on you in the long run, but also hard on any future child you may conceive.

 

[Jenny Bean]

OMG you guys are all so fab,

Thanks for all your thoughts and support, it really truly mean a lot to me right now, sometimes i feel like no one gets it. Especially when everyone around me seems to be having babies, i feel so sad.

And Baby Baby Bear, from most websites egg freezing is any where from $5k to $7.5k.

xoxo everyone, so happy i joined this fantastic website

 

[darkangelx]

I am sure you will be ok, 35 is young best of luck xxx