Is there room for a little one?

[Beanbabe]

Hi girls.

Well I got my bfp on June 9th and 10th and then I run out of tests so couldn't poas on 11th. Decided this was a sign from the gods (and my bank manager) not to test everyday so i waited a whole week before I done a clearblue digi and it came up 3+weeks - bang on target.

For those who dont know me I have a ds who is almost five, a dd who is three. I lost pregnancy no 3 at nine weeks in March 09. Then I lost pregnancy no 4 at 19 weeks in Jan 2010. I went for scan and was told my son had no heartbeat. I had a little boy who we called Matthew.

So onto pregnancy number 5 and hopefully healthy baby number three. I literally am an emotional wreck. I know that this sounds horrible but we were not actively trying so Im not really ready to be pregnant.

Im finding it hard to accept and am feeling very detached from the pregnancy - almost like Im not pregnant. Im not sure if this is me trying to protect myself or if my instinct is telling me that its all going to go wrong again.

Congrats to everyone here. Lots of sticky baby dust to all.

 

[hb1]

Congratulations !!!- it must be hard to feel it is all happening after a recent later loss you'll have a special moment soon and the feelings of detatchment will ebb away

hx

 

[Beanbabe]

I really hope so. One one hand I feel like I should bond with baby so if I do lose it will know that I wanted him/her but on the other hand I dont want to bond in case I lose him/her.

Jesus I have a warped mind.

(Men in white coats to beanbabe please asap!!!!)

 

[KitKatBit]

Hi Beanbabe,

I don't think you sound in the LEAST bit warped or loony!! I've felt an incredible mix of conflicting emotions and I've 'only' had one relatively early loss. I believe that your baby will know and understand all of what you are feeling - your love for them and wish to bond with them AND your fear of bonding with them and then losing them. Your love for them and hope they'll be ok is there and is the only important thing, no matter how you decide to handle things or what else you're feeling.

I really hope this time you have a happy and healthy pregnancy

 

[elli]

Hi Beanbabe,

I'm feeling kinda the same way myself at the moment. Everyone responds to these things differently but I think trying to avoid getting emotionally attached is quite a normal defence mechanism after a loss.

Not quite sure how I'm gonna deal with it myself yet so can't offer any advice, but wishing you and everyone else here a happy, healthy and stress-free (if such a thing is possible!) pregnancy

 

[Beanbabe]

Thanks girls. At least I know im not alone in feeling like this. I went to my gp today and omg did I have a breakdown. I cried my heart out and I think she was shocked. She actually hugged me it was so bad and she is not an emotional type. quite embarrassing - im blaming those pesky hormones.

 

[mrsjo]

I think your feelings are normal. Once you have had a loss, subsequent pregnancies are harder to cope with emotionally. Every little twinge makes me panic. I am sure I am going to lose this one too even though I have done everything by the pregnancy books.

Give yourself time to cope. Fxed for all us ladies on the Pregnancy after Loss boards