is this weird or normal?

[Rachel.P]

As you probably all know, I lost my Marley at 22 weeks this month.

I visited the grave today, to check the flowers and such, and found something there that I couldnt recall seeing yesterday.
It was one of those huge multicolured flat lollies with rainbow stripes, the kind you get at fairgrounds. With a huge pink bow and a little note.

It was put there by a lady I speak to a lot because her mother's grave is next to my father's. I know her by name now, as we've met there every thursday for the last 3 years. But I don't know her as a friend. As in, we wouldn't go for a coffee together or anything. nothing outside of the graveyard.

so is it weird that she's put this on Marley's grave?
I can't decide if it is or not, i'm still not thinking straight.
i dont want to say anything incase it's just me being irrational..

 

[SassyLou]

Someone left a red rose on Archie's grave, I still don't know to this day who it was. It drove me insane, I hated it. It felt like someone had intruded into our little family space iykwim? I also thought it might be me being irrational, but a few other angel mums said the same sort of thing. One put it in a nutshell, she said 'you wouldn't put a rattle in a babies pram without asking permission from the parents'. I think we are all incredibly protective of our babies graves, understandably so.

Sending

Sarah xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I think maybe she did it out of love I know I am very protective an I always makes sure Ava's spot is Ava's spot and all her stuff is close together, but if someone left something for her I would kind of fell very touched xoxoxoxo

 

[jojo23]

hi hun i have to agree with andrea i think its actually kind of sweet. its her way of recognising that your gorgeous baby existed and that Marley was very loved and will be missed alot. she obviously knows what its like to go through grief and may think that having someone do that would help ease yours. id be happy enough for someone to do it on Lily's grave, its nice to know that they wont be forgotten

emotions are all crazy for you now so maybe give yourself a little while and if you still feel it wasnt right for her to do then just thank her for her thought but mention that youd prefer her not to leave anything again as you want to keep it just family

xxxx

 

[MaevesMummy]

Its a little odd, but after thinking about it, this lady must actually really care for you and your baby girl, she is recognising your loss. It leaves you wondering if she may have suffered something similar. xxxxxxx

 

[Chocciebutton]

I am not in your shoes so I have no idea how it makes you feel...I do however have a grave that I visit, my brother was stillborn at full term. The person who left the item there must have felt compelled to do so, I think it is sweet myself. Lets face it , it could be a lot worse ....where I used to live the graves would get vandalised and smashed for the sake of it and any teddies and flowers stolen....luckily to date this hasnt happened to my brothers grave .
Try and speak to the lady who left it there......you may be surprised at the reason why she left it there

 

[MaevesMummy]

Its so lovely that you visit your brother
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Chocciebutton]

MaevesMummy.....I am 39 and he was born 18 months before me......I think about him all the time, wonder what he would have been like. Back then they treated stillborn babies differntly to today...they didnt let my mum see him and told her he would be buried with an adult who had died. My mum suffered years of sadness due to it, my mum and dad divorced when I was 18 and her new partner did some research and discovered that he was actualy buried on his own...my mum had a little headstone made (this was 10 years ago she found this out) and we were able to put flowers on the grave. I no longer live in the area but still put flowers on there when I can....I put my wedding bouqet on there after my wedding. He may not be with us in person but he is still loved 40 years on

 

[MaevesMummy]

Thats a beautiful but sad story, Care has come on so much in the last few years.
I am glad you think of your brother. I often wonder how I will deal with Maeves little brother/sister, I want to be honest from the start about their big sister. People have told me I am wrong for this, but you have just shown me I am right. What a lovely caring little sister xxxxxxxxx

 

[Chocciebutton]

I think its easier to explain it gently at a young age in a way they understand without trying to upset them to much.....my mum told me when I was about 5 years old as she also had a late miscarriage and had to explain that to me so she also told me about the stillbirth.....I remember crying but it was very brief and I am glad I knew back then, I think it also helped my mum knowing that I knew as I think until then she felt it was her sad secret, I think it helped out in the open. I am sorry that you have had to go through this yourself .I have been lucky in that I have never had any problems with loss, but that doesnt mean that I dont stop and think about the women that do suffer this.