"is this your first baby or second?"......

[xobabyhopes]

this is the question that put a damper on mine and hubby's date sunday. the waitress asked if i wanted any wine, beer etc and i said well no alcohol for me. she went on to ask if i was expecting and if it was number one or two. now i dont know about you ladies but i am not one it ashamed of my angel and he/she will always be my first child. so i answered second without thinking because thats how i see it in my head, the she proceeded to ask age difference etc. just for me to say "our first isn't with us anymore" *cue beat red face* hubby was like "why do you say that?" which i know he loves baby k but i have been preparing myself to answer questions like that and my answer seems fine. apparently it makes him really sad and want to cry, i felt like an ass. he said my face was so red and i was tearing up.


-sorry that this is just a rant kind of but have any of your significant other's gotten like this or have you had any issue answering questions like that?

 

[Bubsta]

I'm sorry for your loss. I understand your feelings as I struggled with this to begin with. I guess for me, personally, I made the conscious decision that if someone I didn't know asked this question, or someone I didn't want to go into my private life, then I wouldn't go there. I would either say it was my first, or i have one DD (depending on if My DD was born yet). It's not that it meant I loved my lost ones any less, it just meant that I don't have to bring up sad emotions and memories (I would always think a different answer in my head). It also saved a lot of embarrassment or awkwardness for the person asking the question.

This was just how I looked at it. Maybe that's how your hubby looks at it too.

 

[SugarBeth]

I've dealt with this question multiple times. It's so awkward, I don't want to act like my baby didn't happen, but I don't want to embarrass the person asking and make them feel bad for such an innocent question. I usually try to skirt the question and don't say much, but my husband will straight out say that we lost our last one and this is our third.

 

[xobabyhopes]

i feel the same way, i dont want to act like baby k wasn't our first child (living or not) but hubby would just rather say it's our first. so to save an awkward moment i have learned to say "yes, this is our first" even though i dont want to.

 

[monro84]

All my losses have been in 1st tri so before I got to the point of my losses I would say this is my 1st baby but 6th pregnancy.

Now I say kinda the same but sometimes say this is the first one I have made it this far with.

Not sure if that helps any b/c i am not ashamed of my mc I actually talk open about them and you find more women have gone through them when you do. I hate that people treat them like a taboo subject. I know some wome don't like talking about them for 2 reasons 1 it's to painful especially if it is recent and 2 it makes the other person uncomfortable

 

[rowleypolie]

This has been hard for me too. I lost a baby boy between my girls. And now I am pregnant again with another girl. I have moved past mentioning him all the time to everyone, and I also say this is my 3rd baby even though she will be my fourth. The thing that is hard for me is when people point out that I only have girls and I will never have a boy, they tease DH that he doesn't make boys and laugh.... It is funny but they don't have any idea how much it hurts me thinking about my little boy that didn't make it

 

[Butterball Ma]

We had a mmc at 18 wks in Oct and are now at 11 and 3. Well, a few weeks ago, we went to the maternity clothes store and the clerk recognized me. She basically asked if I was pregnant again with the next baby (my due date was 3/15 and the system showed that). I was sort of surprised and of course DH said nothing, so just said," We're, uh, starting over." She understood what I meant and told us good luck. I just went in again on Saturday and she asked how things are going. So, yeah, it's difficult to answer those questions...but usually when people ask how many children I have in casual conversation, I do just mention my DD.