Is waiting the right thing?

[Purpular]

Hi,

Sorry this is going to come across all mixed up and confused but I'm new, stressed and not exactly sure what I want to say

For a bit of background, I'm 22 and have been with my OH for 5 years. We have our own house and he works full time whilst I'm a student. The being a student issue is my main reason for wtt but I also want to get married before we have a family.

The problem is I have PCOS (insulin resistant type) and haven't had any cycles for over 2 years. Metformin didn't work and made me feel really ill and Dianette (a type of BCP) didn't regulate me. I've been told that having children before I'm 25 would probably be wise.

So can I afford to wait much longer? In a way I''m scared to ttc incase there are major problems. Also I really don't want to compromise on the getting married bit and my OH won't even say whether it'll happen ever although he's certain he wants to stay together forever. What should I even think about all this? Aaaarrrrrgggghhh!

 

[lozzy21]

How long till you have finished your studies?

 

[princess_bump]

i too have pcos, so understand how panicky you can feel about ttc. only you and your OH no if you're ready to ttc or not sweetie. it is hard, and i don't believe there is ever a right time for a baby, there's always something, like more money etc. hope and and oh make a decision thats right for you both x

 

[bunnyg82]

hey hun! aww, it's a hard decision to make isn't it! Only really you can decide what's best, but I would say, when you want to get married, do you want to have a big white wedding? Obviously not knowing your financial situation, I am gonna make an assumption that if you have a baby first, the big wedding might not be possible, but that doesn't mean you getting married isn't possible. We got married on a budget because we wanted to be husband and wife. Although the big white fairytale may have been nice, the important thing is we're married, so you won't necessarily not be able to get married is you have a baby.

Also, with PCOS, you may find it more difficult so perhaps just being less careful and going with the flow would be a good idea now, while you are still young? If the advice is to get pregnant before 25, now probably is a good time.

You also say you're a student... how long do you have left? My hubby will be finished by next May so we are gonna start trying from September, to give him chance to finish his studies.

Good luck, whatever you decide xx

 

[elmaxie]

Gosh....you have alot going on eh?

As Lozzy asked how long until your studies are finished? Also are you and you partner in a position to save money for a wedding/baby?

I assume you have spoken to your OH and thats what you mean by not happening altogether ie getting married?? Have you sat and discussed the whole thing and how you feel with him? Your need for children and being married before etc etc....

Also might be worth going and having a talk with your doctor about your cycles and chances of concieving and how true it is about conceiving before 25?



Emma.xx

 

[Purpular]

Thanks for your replies. I will be done with uni in May 2010 and we don't have money worries too bad as I run a business on the side and OH is secure in his job and completes his apprenticeship this June which means a decent pay rise (confirmed).

Really he is such a wuss when it comes to 'grown up' things! He gets overwhelmed when it comes to speaking about getting married and even gets close to tears on occasion. Sometimes he says 'will you be happy if we get married tomorrow' when I get upset that we're not really moving forward but I want him to want it and not just do it for me. We don't want a big white wedding though, that much I can get out of him and could afford to go to Fiji (my dream) or something small over here so money isn't the issue. He does say how he wants kids though and was there when the doctor said start trying before 25. I feel like I have myself to blame that he won't get married because by buying a house together first what incentive does he have?

I have been to see the doctor and the specialist about the PCOS but after the metformin and Dianette did nothing they won't investigate further until we go to them and say we want to start trying. I had the blood tests and scan to confirm PCOS and basically things are pretty much a mess with lots of cysts, enlarged ovaries and no evidence of ovulation. All they will say at the moment is loose weight but I'm not that much overweight. I'm a size 16 and have BMI of 28 (aarrrggghhh) but I'm 5'10'' so carry it quite well and I am trying to trim up but as PCOS ladies know it's very hard as the insulin resistance makes it harder. Now it sounds like I'm making excuses...

 

[sherryberry79]

Hi, I don't think anyone can tell you what is best for you, and I understand you have so many factors to take into account. However, if it were me I think I would be very tempted to start trying sooner rather than later, as it may take longer than the average person to concieve, and if I got pregnant I think I would find a way to make it work....even if it meant putting my course on hold for a year or two. I think I would be thinking about the long term and would be very aware of being advised to have children before 25 yrs.
Having said that I worked as a holiday rep some yrs back with a girl who had endimetriosis (sp?) she had benn told she would probably never have children and would need a hysterectomy by the age of 25. Her boyfriend came over to Greece to stay with her for two weeks, and whaddya know, she's preggers! She now has a beautiful little girl to show for it!

Whether you decide to try now or leave it for a year or two I wish you the vey best of luck.

x

 

[booflebump]

Thanks for your replies. I will be done with uni in May 2010 and we don't have money worries too bad as I run a business on the side and OH is secure in his job and completes his apprenticeship this June which means a decent pay rise (confirmed).

Really he is such a wuss when it comes to 'grown up' things! He gets overwhelmed when it comes to speaking about getting married and even gets close to tears on occasion. Sometimes he says 'will you be happy if we get married tomorrow' when I get upset that we're not really moving forward but I want him to want it and not just do it for me. We don't want a big white wedding though, that much I can get out of him and could afford to go to Fiji (my dream) or something small over here so money isn't the issue. He does say how he wants kids though and was there when the doctor said start trying before 25. I feel like I have myself to blame that he won't get married because by buying a house together first what incentive does he have?

I have been to see the doctor and the specialist about the PCOS but after the metformin and Dianette did nothing they won't investigate further until we go to them and say we want to start trying. I had the blood tests and scan to confirm PCOS and basically things are pretty much a mess with lots of cysts, enlarged ovaries and no evidence of ovulation. All they will say at the moment is loose weight but I'm not that much overweight. I'm a size 16 and have BMI of 28 (aarrrggghhh) but I'm 5'10'' so carry it quite well and I am trying to trim up but as PCOS ladies know it's very hard as the insulin resistance makes it harder. Now it sounds like I'm making excuses...

It doesnt sound like you are making excuses at all. Its sounds like you really need to speak to your OH and get your priorities straight (not letting him get so upset that the convo has to come to an end) and see how that goes. It sounds like on paper that you have a good environment to bring a bubs in to (house, decent pennies etc) but you and your OH have to be ready together xx

 

[Pinkgirl]

Hello hunni
Finding it hard to reply on this one hun.
Firstly like i often say speak to your OH tell him your concerns and how it makes you feel. Then ask him how it feels about it all.
If you finish uni May 2010 and are financially secure what about ttc a few months before you finish maybe? gives you time to get pregnant and so on...
If you did want to get married before hand what about waiting a little longer and having your wedding that summer, then ttc a honeymoon baby?
xx

 

[Purpular]

Well I went to see my Dr today to try and insist I wanted to at least get my body having cycles again but she briefly mentioned how we'd get more help when we were ready to try and then went on a right anti fatty rant

I know the basic principles of losing weight but it just doesn't come that easy! She made me feel like the fattest freak in the world :'( boo hoo!

 

[MaryJ]

Purpular - You're really not that far off from TTC if you wanted to start soon.

Waiting 3 months before TTC - go to the doctor and get cycles started again. I imagine it will take at least a few months (we'll say 3 to keep math easy) to get knocked up - and then 9 months after that it's June.

Of course that's only the school issue - and that's the easiest one to solve.

The marriage one is a toughie. I'd explore the reasons why you want to be married first (solo and then with the OH). I'm a pretty big traditionalist myself so I can understand the desire for the "ideal" family. Unfortunately, my understanding of PCOS is that getting pg can be very difficult for some that have it. How will you feel if you keep waiting and waiting for the "perfect" time and potentially lose the chance to have child of your own?

 

[toffee87]

A close friend of mine has both PCOS and Endometriosis. She got pregnant the first month trying, she had large cysts. Acupuncture shrunk them down dramatically, even her surgeon told her to continue with the treatment. She also took a herbal version of metformin called hyponid (sp). It's proven to work, with no side effects. She also said cinnamon helps, as it helps to control the blood sugar levels.