Is your life over after you have children?

[daneuse27]

Some people say that having kids means that their 'old life' is simply over.

Others say they find a way to balance it out, do things they used to enjoy and still be there for their kids.

I want to hear your theories and stories. I'm a new mum to a beautiful 3 week old daughter and parenting is a whole new domain to me. I'd like to hear what parents think months, or years down the line.

Thanks to all who answer

 

[angiepie]

Stalking!

 

[lozzy21]

Your life is your life, you do with it what you want. Its up to you if you allow your old life to die or if you just adapt. I have adapted, i still go meet friends for coffee and for lunch, i just take DD with me. Im not at the pub every weekend like i was before but once every few months i still have a night out.

 

[suzib76]

I don't think old life dies, but people mature and things naturally change throughout our lifetimes! If they didn't it wouldn't be right.
Before kids I was out every night of the week, played in local domino, darts and pool teams. Partied hard at the weekends

Now I never go out but I have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids, I would hate to still be out drinking every night, tbh if I was still the same as I was back then it would be considered a problem

 

[Mrs Doddy]

You know before I was pregnant this saying seemed silly to me, my lo was not going to stop me doing anything and she would come along whatever. Wow what a reality shock I got. Lo is now two and going out for the day is seriously hard work, she HAS to have her sleep otherwise it will be a nightmare with food and behaviour which ruins the day, so we can only really go out for a few hours, if its far away then its not so bad as she sleeps in the car.

I wouldnt leave my lo with anyone until she slept through and have really only started going out in the last 6 months.

I work three full days a week and we run a business on the side so neither of us really have time out. When she is sleeping in the day im tidying, washing, ironing, doing the food shop online (as there is no way in hell I can take her she hates it) paperwork, evening by the time she is in bed its dinner about an hour of tv and bed, if H puts her to bed I squeeze in a bit of exercise. Ive got time booked off work and theres so much to do in the house I wont get much time to myself to relax - I really find this hard but cannot sit and do nothing when the house is a mess/dishwasher needs emptying ect

I REALLY miss the spontinaty of just going to the pub when you want or going on a holiday to do nothing.

I have joined weight watchers and starting to get my figure back, ive dyed my hair again and starting to feel a bit like the old me but without the freedom.

Each year has different challenges, As a newborn its ok as they sleep and feed - though my lo had feeding issues and EVERYTHING was a distraction so we needed to be home in a quiet dark room so time out of the house was limited to 3 hours. As a one year old she didnt really understand things so taking her to the farm she just sat in her buggy and watched - which was ok, but this again was around her sleep as she was grumpy, at 2 she barely walks anywhere dispite encoragement (unless its soft play) and is not interested in farms/sea life ect

It is getting easier tho and I will admit that I reallystruggle and miss my old life, wish I could have time out and go back to it for a while, maybe its because I have no family to help i dont get the breaks some people do.

I wouldnt say your life is over - you just have to make alot of sacrifices and it all depends on the personality of your child.

 

[Liesje]

My old life died of old age lol
I didn't want to be one of those 40 year olds who still hang out in bars and dress like they're 20.
It's time for a new chapter in my life, so while my life is definitly not over, the pre-child lifestyle is.

 

[RachA]

I think that life does change but really only as much as you want it too. For us i feel it's changed in a good way rather than feeling like our life is over. We still go out as much as we used too - it's just that when they were little we took them with us and once i felt comfortable doing it we would have family over to babysit.

I'm not working now so that's a change but i actually prefer looking after my children to working lol.

Other than that i think things are really as they used to be. I guess it's just little things that are different - like having to arrange babysitters to go away for the night. We can't be as spontaneous as we used to be - but then we didn't really do things at the last minute anyway!!

 

[smelly07]

Your life change's when you have children, they are your priority and your prorities do change, with that comes all the worries about them and finaces and bills etc etc after having children only having yourself to think about and the freedom to do as you want, when you want and the only person to worry about is yourself... is no more................i think for me thats the part which was hard, not dealing with no more nights out, drinking and clubbing etc its the freedom part knowing u cant just do and go where you please and you are responsible for a little person and that they do come first .

i think i had my children young i fell pregnant at 25 (i have been told that is old which to me is insane) but when i think of my daughters, i hope they dont have children until their 30's i think they should live life as carefree as possible and have the freedom and enjoy it - theres plenty of time to have kids. (even though i cant wait to be a nanny)

my life is my children and giving my children the best possible life i can, they come first,.......... as for nights out, drinking etc etc ...........i'm too tired i just want to ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz so yes i guess my old life is NO MORE. xxx

 

[embo216]

I wouldn't say your life is over at all but it does change obviously and you have to adapt At the moment I'm guessing your very busy and all you wouldn't be keen on leaving your newborn but as she gets older you can have your own time or go back to work. Your life is whatever you make of it x

 

[NickyT75]

yep id say your old life is defo over but that doesn't mean its a bad thing coz your new life is a lot different but much more rewarding xx

 

[hypnorm]

Life will never be the same, you can't just drop things and go, kids often aren't invited to things, friends will drift of in some cases, but your priorities change.

 

[LaDY]

I don't believe it's the end of your life...in my experience having my son changed me...it is as though i mentally changed...i grew up i guess!...the things that were once important were no longer...i think if i wanted my old life back i actually could as FOB would very easily take him off my hands but i just don't want to...he is my priority now...dont get me wrong i still do things that i used but just not as much as i have a little person to think about

Hope your enjoying motherhood xxx

 

[Dragonfly]

Life is what you make it, if you think its over when you have kids you really should take a look at why things are so unhappy you think life is over. To me my life changed and really started, a whole new path. For me a better one I think.

 

[evewidow]

Its not over its just different.

same as everyone else really before kids we would be out a few times a week and at the weekends , get up when we liked , eat when we fancied go to the cinema at the drop of a hat etc .

Once you have kids a night out takes more planning but its still possible if that is what you want to do .

For us we found we would rather stay in , we started to enjoy friends that had kids more over those that didnt and our wild drinking holidays became family camping holidays .

For me life only began once i had my children not ended (cheesey i know but true)

 

[julietz]

You just have responsibilites when you have children so you cant just go do what you want, you have baby sitters to sort out etc, also keeping the love life spiced becomes difficult, you end up like friends living together if you dont make time for one another, cant remember the last time we got it on, well over a month ago, just cant be bothered after seeing to the kids, baths etc, then im exhausted, i think men should give us more attention though after what we do, we deserve it, i cant even get a massage these days or a foot rub, an hed be lost without me lol.

 

[Mother of 4]

I wouldn't say my old life is over but my life has changed. It has more meaning to me now. I was never a bar hopping or out all the time person anyway so it really isn't a drastic change either. I have been a mother for over 13 years now and I say your life is what you make of it

 

[Tegans Mama]

I don't see it as your old life being over, I think your new life is beginning. Life is different as a parent, but it's not worse. IMO it's better. It's everything it was, but to the extreme. It's better, it's harder, more tiring, more rewarding. I love being a parent.

 

[AerisandAlex]

I wouldn't say it dies, but it sure does change... When I was pregnant with my daughter I was working 3 jobs and living in a college dorm room and taking 18 credits at my college. I played video games in my spare time or would stay on the computer. Basically, my life was focused on 'me'. After she was born, the video games went on the shelf, I had to leave all 3 of my jobs and withdrew from college. It wasn't just because I 'couldn't' do those things anymore, but because I wanted to be with her and she was more important than anything.

The only thing I really kept for myself, was my laptop and so I could be online in my down time as you can clearly see by this post lol

I would gladly do it again for her too ^_^

Since then, I've learned to manage a little more 'me' time but it's all a learning process. It's slow but you'll figure out what's best for you and your baby when it's time too ^_^

 

[DaisyBee]

If by "life" you mean going out and doing things that you would normally do...then My life is on hold at the moment. having an almost 3 year old and a baby, life has changed many times since I got pregnant the first time. I wouldn't change it a bit, I love how things are right now and treasure every moment. But things are much different then before kids. We have two children who don't nap unless at home and we don't have a good day if they don't nap so we have to decide which would be better, nap or xyz? We were starting to do a lot of fun things with Megan when she was a toddler -she was easier as a toddler to go do things with then during baby stage. We started going to hotels for overnights and swimming. Meals out with her, going to zoos, etc. Now with a baby who isn't adaptable for eating or sleeping we have put a lot of those things on hold again. We know that doing things aren't gone forever, it's just while they are small. Dh and I would vacation usually 2 times a year and have nice trips to the beach, Vegas, etc. We haven't had a trip or even camping since the girls have been born. Once they are a little older we plan on doing those types of things again.

The temperament of our kids is the reason we aren't really able to go do things though. If my kids were more adaptable we would be vacationing with them. If Jordan would sleep in a carrier or her stroller we would be at the zoo every weekend. We would go to the waterpark like we did when she was a newborn. But she won't eat or sleep unless in a dark room these days. Once she is down to one nap then we can work around things more.

Dh and I weren't ever out at the bars so we don't miss that sort of thing at all. We miss traveling and just leaving at the drop of a hat for a fun weekend. I went to a wedding a few weeks back and dh stayed home with the kids. I barely had anything with me and realized how much I bring when the kids are along even to go overnight at grandmas with us.

 

[motherofboys]

TBH I wouldn't want to be doing half the things I did before kids, and the few things I do want to do I find time to do just not as often, but they are all the better for being waited for. Life isn't over, a new life is just beginning, an no its not easy and yes things change but if you go with it rather than fighting it you find you enjoy the differences.