It hasn't "gotten better"

[thehippie777]

Everyone keeps telling me I am doing great and things will get better, and at this point I am calling b.s.

I am so tired. My husband is tired (and he is home right now 24hrs a day with LO). LO just turned 3 months last week and for many weeks now she won't nap barely at all during the day. She even falls asleep but wakes crying etc, sometimes she wakes just wailing. We have honestly tried everything we can think of.

At night she seems overly tired and she will SCREAM, just SCREAM. We feed her, rock her, put her in the swing, etc etc etc It takes at least an hour, usually two to get her to sleep. She then wakes her self many times before actually staying asleep. Then she sleeps usually a couple hours and wakes up crying. She will usually take a bottle at this time. I will be honest, I don't know if DH is feeding her a lot during the day or not. He says she won't eat. I usually have no issue feeding her when she's calmed down. Sometimes it takes a small nap before she'll eat.

It's almost unbearable.

I realize it might be a growth spurt, but do those last two weeks? She's been doing the screaming for almost two weeks now.

She has reflux, but it's getting better. If we try to feed her more at night she just spits it up or pukes it all up. It's bad.

I don't know if I am looking for advice or just want to be told to hang in there. But, sleep and screaming have noT improved. She gets milk and formula both via bottle because of her tongue tie we can't afford to fix and my milk supply went down at about 3 weeks because she couldn't eat well from me.

We are hurting bad in every way minus a family death. I mean, we are in bad bad bad shape. I've applied for assistance twice, first time declined because it was the week after her birth and I didn't get the paperwork in in time even though I called and begged for an extension. Now no one will respond our second application.

 

[dani_tinks]

Oh hun . It's shit and the 'it'll get better' comment is so hard when you feel like it isn't, but I promise you it will. Esme's reflux took a while to settle but by 5 months it had.

I don't have much advice re anything else but I promise you you'll both come out of this stronger than ever. Do hang in there, you're doing brilliantly. Big hugs.

 

[Teri7489]

It's shit! Sorry for the bad language but it can be so shit at times! But as much as I hated hearing it, it will get better. I was in a mess when my daughter was little but hey, I now have a lovely 3 year old who doesn't cry (much) who sleeps and eats, along with her 16 month old brother.

For me sorting sleep during the day fixed a lot of the issues. My daughter had reflux too so it was hard but making sure she was fed, kept upright so not in pain the helped to sleep even for half an hour made the next nap all that easier as she wasn't shattered. That helped bed time which meant the next day she wasn't too tired to eat and stay awake and upright for a bit before the next nap. It took maybe 3 days but it really helped. They get in such a state when they are too tired to eat but too hungry to sleep. Could this be what's up with your little one?

If not that, could you try a wrap to hold her in to help with reflux and tother help her nap?

Or could she maybe be teething? Teeth might not show for months but they can still feel the teeth moving under the gum and some have calcium deposits come up which cause them grief

Sorry for the essay, just your post took me right back to that horrid overwhelming place! I hope you get through it soon! Big hugs for you and your partner xxx

 

[jtink28]

hey there-

it will get better, but it might take a bit. i know i'm not supposed to say this, but sometimes babies just suck, plain and simple. my 2nd boy is 9 months old and still doesn't sleep through the night, ugh. but eventually, they turn a corner and become real humans again, i promise.

as to the financial issue, have you looked into WIC? I know you're in the US, and while you wait for government assistance, you should really look into WIC. They'll supply you with formula and food. Also, call some organizations - Salvation Army, etc. They will help if they can. I know what it's like to be in a tough spot. WIC is awesome. I haven't used it, but my mom did (a few year ago) and had a wonderful experience.

https://dphhs.mt.gov/publichealth/wic

Good luck to you! Hugs.

 

[Starlight32]

Sounds so hard. My situation was different, I mostly felt completely overwhelmed, but I do feel better now (still overwhelmed at times, but much much better than before). My baby was so hard to feed. I don't know if she had reflux, but she would scream and scream after each feeding. I dreaded feeding her because I knew a screaming fit would follow, and I didn't know how to stop it. I don't even remember when it stopped, but it hasn't happened for a while. I think it probably stopped around month 4 or 5. I now enjoy giving her bottles because it's a nice 'cuddle time'.

She use to (almost always) cry herself in my arms when napping and going to sleep for the night. She needed to be walked to sleep and sometimes it took so long. I didn't put her down in her cribs for naps until 3 months because I didn't want to risk waking her (looking back, it was quite sweet to be able to hold her while she slept, she's too big for that now at 7 months). I felt stressed about it. Around 3 / 3.5 months, I was able to place her in her crib awake when it was time for naps and bed, and she would go to sleep on her own! Although now that she rolls, I do hold her until she's at a very sleepy state then put her down, otherwise she will roll around instead of sleeping (this started around 6 months)... she lets me sit while I hold her most of the time though, while before I had to be walking around.

My daughter has had better luck with night time sleep so far, but I still feel overwhelmed when she wakes up for teething. But things have gotten better. I know our situations are different, but I just want to let you know that you're not alone in wanting things to get better. It seems like some moms make their lives with babies so perfect etc, and while I love my daughter very much, I was very very stressed the first few months.

 

[noon_child]

I am so angry at a system that would let your baby and your family suffer because you can't afford, or don't qualify for something. Bottle feeding doesn't help all Tongue tie babies feed, Tongue tie affects sucking full stop, not just sucking from the breast. I can imagine the air she takes in with feeds due to the TT will make the reflux all the worse! I'm so pissed off on your behalf and wish there was something I could do to help.

 

[thehippie777]

Thank you all. I guess I really needed comfort.

Before my husband takes off, he did something I didn't even consider because everyone recommends it so much. LO was getting swaddled, and as tight but comfy as I could. Last few weeks she has woke up having undone the swaddle, but it's been scary because she has been completely out of it ,but it would be all around her head or stuck around her mid section. I would wake up screening, too, if that happened to me. But as time goes on, I realize that really thinking outside of the box with littles can lead to some awesome discoverers.

For example: DH decided last night to off with the swaddle to see how she does. Maybe she's been too hot. So he did and it took three comforts, but she dozed past his bed time, which was the first time in quite a few days. I just did a feeding at 130am, no swaddle, and she went right back to sleep! Really need to take some random ideas and try them!

 

[MindUtopia]

It is really hard in the early days and 3 months is still really early. We weren't even at a point when we could put our daughter to bed alone until 4 months (at that age, she slept on one of us in the evening and we took her to bed when we went), so it could be that maybe you are expecting too much too soon as well. I found that really focusing on daytime sleep helped tremendously. If she is overtired throughout the day and your partner isn't getting her to sleep regularly, then she will have more interrupted sleep at night and she won't eat much, meaning she may be more hungry during the night and hence even more interrupted sleep.

Is there any way you do find it easier to get her to nap during the day? At that age, our daughter always sleep in our arms or in a wrap, or I would push her around in the pushchair or plan my trips out to coincide with her nap and then just drive around a bit longer so she'd sleep in the car. I didn't buy into any of this creating 'bad habits' rubbish, and I didn't force getting her to sleep somewhere like a moses basket or crib when it wasn't producing long stretches of sleep and that worked. What we did meant she slept well during the day and it meant night times were manageable. It also meant I got a break during the day as we weren't always fighting sleep. I just plopped her in the wrap and she went to sleep and I could read or return my emails or get lunch ready and know I'd have a good 60-90 minutes before she'd wake up. When she was ready, she easily transitioned into sleeping better on her own.

 

[noon_child]

thinking outside of the box with littles can lead to some awesome discoverers...
Really need to take some random ideas and try them!

oh yes, it is a constant guess and switch. I never really "knew" what my baby needed/wanted in those first few months, I just cycled through everything it might be. And just when you get a handle on what you think it might be, everything changes

 

[xdxxtx]

My first-born had such awful reflux and screamed and screamed for hours a day, no matter what we did. I was exhausted and worn out and spent just how you and your husband sound. I'm sorry to say that sometimes, it doesn't get better for much longer. My baby's reflux was so terrible that we put him on solids before he turned 4 months due to weight loss. Thankfully, he accepted it right away. He was on small bottles (4 oz) followed by solids all day long. It was as if he did nothing but eat! But the food held down his milk, and his reflux quickly got better. By the time he was 6 months old, his reflux was completely better. His weight was great! He was a champ eater, and he stopped crying. We were able to get him on a schedule throughout this time, so he napped and ate and went to bed at very specific times.

The rest of my babies waited until they were 6 months old or older to start solids, but my first-born is so very healthy, active, and a great kid. He just turned 5 and is tall and strong.

It WILL get better. I hope you don't need to wean your baby right away like I did, but it's an option that you might have to take in order to get some sanity and help your baby to be happier. Talk to your pediatrician about it if you'd like to consider it. They usually recommend solids at around 4 months of age anyway.

 

[LoveCakes]

I don't have much experience of it but could it be cmpi? It could be giving your baby a sore tummy

Hope you get some help soon