It still hits me.

[Imalia]

So I know I haven't been around for a while, and there's a lot of new faces here. I just needed so much energy to make it through the holidays. I had to go up to the hospital today to have some bloods taken, and wow. It's the first time I've been there in a year and a half, since the last of all the follow up appointments after losing our son, and it all just hit me again. The smell, the same pictures on the wall. I don't know, I'm rambling a bit, but it all just hit me again and I started crying. I'm usually so much better at coping now that it's really thrown me for a bit. Anyway I'm not really saying anything much, but I just needed to get it out.

 

[mhazzab]

Hi Imalia nice to see you back . I'm not here much myself these days but I do pop in every so often.
I sometimes get emotional too if I end up back in the same rooms in the hospital as I have memories of. I had a scan last week and it was the same room where we found out we were having twins it made me sad.

How are things going for you, am I remembering rightly that you were switching doctors so you could get more help with conceiving? (hope I haven't confused you with someone else)

It's nice to see you pop in, it doesn't matter how often you are around, we are always here for you xxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I know exactly how you feel. It took me 9 months to even step foot in my doctors office I gave birth to Ava at 20 weeks in my home, but all the memories of her sonograms and us laughing were in that doctors office. i almost broke down and i cryed also . You are not alone and you are not rambling I am so sorry for your loss of your son. We all go through this and your feelings are normal and valid, don't ever think they are not..
XOXOXOXOOXOOX Andrea

 

[OliveBay]

Hi Imalia, I don't think our paths have ever crossed but I just wanted to send you some support. After the things we have been through, I don't think some of the sad memories will ever leave us, but I'm sure we get stronger and better at dealing with them, even when they do sneak up out of nowhere and try to kick the crap out of you when you least expect it.
Sally x

 

[Hellylou]

Sending hugs. It's so hard to be back in the place where those awful memories still lie. A few weeks ago I had an appointment and I hadn't realised where the room was located - right opposite the ward where I gave birth. I had to walk right past the ward and could see the actual room where it all happened. It felt sick. And then I had to see my MIL in hospital and she was admitted to the ward where I originally had lots of tests before my loss, where they were trying to figure out what was going wrong.

I don't think these reminders ever leave us completely. I still get horrible jolting moments when I am right back there again reliving it.

 

[Nikki_d72]

Hi Imalia, Nice to see you back. I'm only here sporadically myself now too.

I'm sorry it got you again, it seems to be the case, especially with somewhere so loaded with memories that you haven't been for a long time. I had to go back to the city where the hospital is for Christmas (I live 3 hours away from it, so nice and easy to ignore that one), I hadn't been there since being in hospital and the funeral and everything and just being back there got me, but I had to put on a happy face for the relatives and their littlies - so I know how tough this can be. I sometimes even still get the pangs at work, as I spent so much time there as a pregnant lady, yet I've been there a few days a week since six weeks after our loss, over 6 months ago now - there seems to be no line in the sand for this.

Don't think you are strange and you are not rambling, it is awful when you get kicked down again after feeling stronger for a while. I'm glad you popped in, I often wonder about you, though I'm sorry it's because you are feeling bad, I hope letting some tears flow helps you and you can feel a bit stronger again soon too.

Did you get a different doctor, and did they offer to help you more? I hope so hon. xxx

 

[Imalia]

Yes, we did get a different doctor, that's why I was getting bloods done. It was such a relief to finally get someone to listen to us, even if switching doctors means going back over things we've done before. Christmas was very difficult and I think we're still recovering, but at least I'm starting to be more hopeful about the whole thing.

 

[mhazzab]

Yes, we did get a different doctor, that's why I was getting bloods done. It was such a relief to finally get someone to listen to us, even if switching doctors means going back over things we've done before. Christmas was very difficult and I think we're still recovering, but at least I'm starting to be more hopeful about the whole thing.

It's so lovely to hear you say you are feeling more hopeful I really hope this doctor can help with what you need.
We found Christmas really hard too, couldn't help thinking of what was supposed to be. I really hope you have a rainbow baking before the next one
Xx

 

[collie_crazy]

Its nice to hear from you Imalia I am glad this doctor seems to be listening to you and I hope he will be the change you need to get your rainbow baby!

Its hard when places and things take us back to those dark dark times. I've had to go to the hospital quite a few times since delivering there and I've been in the same scan rooms so I get where you are coming from. Little things still catch me and take me back there, just now its seeing all the spring flowers coming up - especially the snowdrops because we read the 'Little Snowdrop' poem at her funeral and planted them at her graveside. Its horrible Its true what the say about grief being a rollercoaster though - just that sometimes those dips take your breath away. But you can and you will start feeling more positive again

We are always here for you whenever you need us